Robbie's New Role
by bluecinderella4
Summary: Charlotte Roberts is an actress on a popular soap opera with one giant secret; Charlotte Roberts is really Robbie Shapiro. As if that wasn't complicated, Robbie's in love with his costar, and two men are in love with Charlotte. Plot based off of Tootsie
1. No One Will Hire Robbie

**Hi, me again! I don't think I'll be going anywhere sometime soon, so…we're all gonna have to deal with me somehow (myself included).**

**Another fun fact about myself: I love it when men dress like women for comedy. Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, Nathan Lane and Gene Hackman in **_**The Birdcage**_**, the list goes on and on. Now, as I stated before; I was working on another multi-chapter movie based fanfiction based off of a 1982 Oscar winning classic.**

**How many of you are no seriously thinking it's **_**Tootsie**_**? For those who don't know what Tootsie ****is; it's a classic comedy with Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey, an egotistical actor who hasn't been getting any jobs. So he dresses as a woman, auditions for a soap opera, and becomes a famous celebrity under the identity Dorothy Michaels. Amidst this, Michael has fallen in love with his co-star Julie, Julie's father's fallen in love with Dorothy, Michael's whiny friend Sandy thinks that she and Michael are in a relationship after they slept together, and eventually his costar John falls in love with Dorothy too. And only Michael's agent and roommate know Dorothy's true identity. The whole movie was spoofed in the **_**Family Guy**_** episode **_**Go, Stewie, Go**_** if you think this sounds familiar to you.**

**And if you're a fan of Bill Murray I suggest you see **_**Tootsie**_** because he is so funny in that movie.**

**Because this is another movie rip off, I'll give a character list at the end of this introduction chapter. If you know the other two stories I have; you know this is Cabbie. There will be Bade, but I doubt there'll be Tandre but I'll try to squeeze some in. And yes, Rex is real again because I needed him to fill a role. This will also be rated T for language and the plot is kinda not for children.**

**Shall we begin?**

* * *

><p>Robbie Shapiro lived in a run-down area of Los Angeles with his best friend Beck Oliver and Beck's girlfriendcommon-law wife Jade West. Beck and Jade were struggling actors/playwrights while Robbie was a struggling actor who dabbled in music. They lived in a dilapidated one-bedroom studio apartment in the slums of Los Angeles hoping to break into the business of show business, but with no luck.

One thing Robbie slightly had going for him was another friend of his, Andre Harris, agreed to help manage his career and be his agent (of course, Andre really did that to please his business-type parents who disapproved of him choosing a career in music). Andre desperately tried to help his awkward friend, but no one in Hollywood would hire him.

Robbie's friend Trina Vega had the same problem; only she refused to believe it and thought she had talent…which of course she did not. Trina was also under the assumption that Robbie was in love with her…which of course he was not…and had her own subtle ways of trying to force him to worship her.

Amidst his crappy life, Robbie kept some hope that a dream job would come along. One morning, his birthday to be exact, he decided to go on a series of auditions Andre set up for him. Carrying with him his male make up, he headed out all across Hollywood hoping for a break. But all he got that day was…

"_We're looking for someone taller."_

"_We're looking for someone shorter."_

"_We're looking for someone older."_

"_We're looking for someone younger."_

"_We're looking for someone more handsome."_

"_We're looking for someone less awkward."_

"_We just plain don't like you."_

Returning back to his apartment in a slump, he turned on the light and was greeted instantly by over a dozen people. "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" This was certainly the pick-me-up Robbie needed for today.

"Happy Birthday, Rob," Beck (and Jade who was clinging to her man) patted Robbie's shoulder.

"Thanks. Why did you guys do this?"

"We knew you would fail miserably, and we thought this would help," Jade was being a bit rude, but she still managed to smile. "Hey, I finished writing _Love Canal_, and I was thinking…that maybe you would…maybe…"

"What Jade's trying to say," Beck interrupted, "is that she wrote a role for you and she wants you to play that role."

"Really?" Robbie was awestruck.

"Don't make me regret it," Jade muttered.

"Did I hear something about a play?" Trina made her way into the conversation. "A new play written by my friends?"

"We're not your friends!" Beck and Jade unanimously told her.

"Well, thankfully our birthday boy is," Trina wrapped her arm around his shoulders, "and he'll help me get parts because he loves me."

Robbie looked confused. "I don't love you."

Trina laughed loudly. "Sure, you don't!"

"I don't." Trina walked away laughing hysterically. "I don't!"

"We believe you," Beck assured.

"Listen, Shapiro," Jade began, "if I'm gonna turn my script into a show, I'm gonna have to get some serious funding. If you want to be involved in any part of my show, you have to help raise money."

"Um…okay, sure," Robbie nodded. "I'll talk to Andre tomorrow, show him your script, and I'll see what he can do."

…

Andre threw the script down on his desk at his office the next morning. "I can't do nothin'."

"What? Why not?" Robbie asked.

"For one thing, this is way too dark and depressing."

"It's based on a semi-true story."

"No one is going to wanna pay to watch people live or make out near chemical waste; they can see that in New Jersey for free!"

Robbie decided to change the focus to himself. "What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Have I got any parts offered to me…or…what?"

"No."

"No?"

"No!"

"If it's because of my appearance then-"

"Not just that, Robbie," Andre negatively assured. "Robbie, you're too much trouble."

"What?"

"Every time I get you a role, you get too involved with the project or too attached, and not in a positive way. Remember the commercial for the salad? You were supposed to play a tomato for thirty seconds and they went half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down."

"It was illogical!"

"YOU WERE A TOMATO!" Andre screamed. "A tomato doesn't have logic! A tomato can't move!"

"That's the same thing I said. If a tomato can't move, why would it sit down?" Andre slammed his head onto his desk. "So I tend to get to attach to a character, so-"

"It's also your awkwardness," Andre spoke when his head was on the table.

"My warmness?" Robbie didn't quite hear him.

"Awkwardness!" Andre sat up. "You're too awkward physically, mentally, socially, any description ending in 'LLY' is what you are awkward wise." Andre looked his friend straight in the eye. "Robbie, you're my buddy, and we gotta watch out for each other's best interests, I don't say what I say to be mean-"

Robbie scoffed. "It sure sounded like you did."

"Look, why don't you take a break from auditions, maybe get some therapy, and come back and see me in week or two. Make it two."

Andre's assistant tapped on the door. "Andre, that music producer's on line two in regards to your demo; but I told him you'd call him back around 3:00 this afternoon."

"Great!"

"And Sherry sent you a nice text message confirming your break-up."

"Cool. Anything else?"

"Yeah, it's 12:59."

"It is? Thanks Jenna," Andre turned on the TV in his office.

"What do you watch at 12:59?" Robbie inquired.

"My show; it starts at 1:00. I've never missed it since I was forced to watch it."

The screen turned to black and a high pitched voice over read the words:

_Previously on _Central Hearts and Minds

The television recapped what had happened on the previous episode of the melodrama. "You watch this soap opera?"

"Don't judge me," Andre commanded. "At first it sucked, but then I saw Emily Lange and Kimberly Davis."

"Who and who?"

"Wait a bit and I'll show you," Andre focused his vision to the TV. When a gorgeous brunette appeared on the screen crying, Andre snapped and pointed. "That's Kimberly Davis played by Tori Vega."

"Tori Vega?"

"I've got a major crush on her and send her a shitload of fanmail. Anyway, her character Kimberly is engaged to Ryan George, played by Tori's real life boyfriend Ryder Daniels, but we learned on the last episode that Ryan has been seeing his ex-flame Jessica Charles, played by Alyssa Vaughn." A petite red head with a high pitched voice (the voice that narrated the 'previously on...' line) was standing behind Tori's character. "Now that's Emily Lange, the sweetheart of Southwest General as they call her. Emily is sweet, innocent, sensitive, but she has always been a supporter; she's never had her own relationship. Cat Valentine plays Emily."

Robbie tilted his head and looked at her. "She's kinda cute. Wait, Tori Vega? She wouldn't happen to have a sister named Trina would she?"

"Last time I stalked her profile, yeah she does." Robbie groaned. "Trina's that annoying girl who hangs around with you thinkin' you're in love with her?" Robbie nodded. "Can you get her to introduce me to her sister?"

"Andre!"

"What, I'm a guy!" Andre's phone rang. "What Jenna?" Andre listened intensively, his eyes then widened. "Who are they killing off?" His jaw dropped. "Ryan and Jessica? Girl, how do you know this?" Andre chilled himself out. "No, no I'm cool. So Schneider Studios wants our agency to send out some actors?" Robbie turned to Andre and began to listen. "Actresses?" Robbie groaned. "Who's replacing Ryder's character? Oh, they're bringing _him_ back." Andre nodded. "Okay, I'll call up some potential actresses and tell them when the auditions are. Thanks, Jenna; now don't ever call during the show again." He hung up.

"They only want chicks, huh?"

"Yup. They're going to hire back Rex Powers to play his dead character Johnny 'Sir Kiss-a-Lot' Brewster."

"Yeah, Andre, I don't care."

"Whatever man."

"I'll see you sometime later."

"I'd seriously consider therapy!" Andre called to him.

As Robbie left, he noticed Jenna biting her nails at the front desk. "Say, Jenna, is it?" She nodded. "I've got a friend I wanna get off my back who's an actress. I was wondering if-"

"This Thursday at ten a.m. at Schneider Studios," she handed him a script.

"Thanks a lot." Robbie left the studio dialing a number on his cell phone.

Trina was (not successfully) meditating when her cell phone rang. "What?"

"Trina, it's Robbie."

"And?"

"I got you an audition for a soap opera."

Trina shot straight up. "Are you serious?"

"It's on that soap opera _Central Hearts and Minds_; the one your sister's on."

"Oh, _Tori_," Trina scoffed. "Between us Tori is ugly, talentless, not smart, and…well everything that I'm not."

"Yeah," Robbie was being sarcastic. "Listen, I got the script. Memorize it by Thursday at ten a.m. and then you audition."

"Okay, well; come over and help me memorize the script."

Robbie breathed through his teeth making the typical 'that's not a good idea' sound. "Yee-ah, Trina, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh come on! What about all the times I helped you memorize your scripts and not crashed the auditions? You owe me Robbie Shapiro!"

"But-"

"YOU OWE ME!"

Robbie pulled the phone away. "Okay, okay. I'll come by tomorrow."

"Thanks," Trina blew a kiss into the phone and hung up.

Robbie put his phone into his pocket. "She's not gonna get a role."

* * *

><p><strong>Merely an introduction, but it sets up a few relationships. Here's a character list.<strong>

**Robbie****: Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels. Matt Bennett is great at changing his voice and I think out of the guys, he could do a successful lady voice. Now if only I could see him drag. Unlike Michael, Robbie is going to be much less of a dick.**

**Beck & Jade****: I combined them to fit the role of Jeff Slater, Michael's roommate played by Bill Murray. Though it did say Jeff had a (don't quote me on this) unseen girlfriend, I had to give Jade a part, you can't leave her out.**

**Trina****: Sandy Lester. Except for a whiny Sandy, I created a bitchy Trina. I know I mentioned Michael and Sandy sleep together in the movie…BUT I promise they won't in my story.**

**Cat****: Julie Nichols. Cat gets Jessica Lange's Oscar winning role as the love interest. Small change, Julie had a daughter, Cat will not have a daughter. But I do have something else planned.**

**Tori****: I combined the roles of April (an actress on the fake soap opera **_**Southwest General**_**) and Rita, the lady who works with the sexist director who was responsible for getting Dorothy a role on **_**Southwest General**_** in **_**Tootsie**_

**Andre****: George Fields, the agent. The only other roles were the sexist director, and the slow witted actor who kisses all the ladies. I almost forgot the agent, so I gave Andre that role**

**Rex****: John van Horne, the actor who plays Dr. Brewster on **_**Southwest General**_**. John kisses all the women, only remembers his lines when they're on the teleprompter, and eventually falls for Dorothy**

**Sikowitz****: Ron Carlisle, the sexist director. Big change; Sikowitz won't be sexist or that much of a jerk. He'll just be his eccentric, Sikowitz self.**

**Sinjin****: I got rid of Julie's father, but I still needed a guy who was seriously in love with the Dorothy character. Sinjin works the camera behind the scenes, and shares his apartment with Cat, who I made his cousin.**

**Okay, that's that. For my fictional soap opera, **_**Central Hearts and Minds**_**, I referenced Jessica Lange, Geena Davis (who played April), the character Nurse Charles who Jessica's character played, Emily Kimberly who was played by Dustin Hoffman in drag, and I liked the name Dr. Brewster so I made Rex's character Johnny Brewster. I also referenced Dan Schneider and myself but who cares about me 'cause I'm not Dan Schneider.**

**Feel free to ask any questions; I'll gladly respond to them. **

**For the record; I have nothing against New Jersey (I live in the midwest and I've never been there). It was a quote in the movie and I liked it so I kept it in there. If you've also seen the movie _Waitress_, Cheryl Hines' character told Keri Russell's character (named Jenna) she should open her own pie shop, "Somewhere where they could use one. Like Europe, or...New Jersey." So if I've offended anyone from New Jersey, the movies did it first.**


	2. Jade and Robbie Make a Bet

**In response to a question of age: I'd say their all in their early to mid 20's, (Sikowitz maybe in his 50's). As to the other question…I have no definite answer. As a woman Dustin Hoffman in the movie was convincing because he seriously went all out with makeup and fake body parts and looked like a middle-aged woman, but there were people who thought he was ugly as a woman at first, but she grew on them. But he was believable (look him up on Letterman talking about him fooling Jose Ferrer on YouTube). So, think of Robbie as a believable woman.**

**I also slightly changed the reason for Robbie to cross dress. The legitimate reason for Robbie to dress like Charlotte was NOT AT ALL IN THE MOVIE. I think I created a better reason though, but that's just me.**

**First we'll start with Robbie helping Trina and I'll work it out from there.**

* * *

><p>An exasperated Robbie looked over the script. "Trina, come on! You know the lines, can I please go home?"<p>

"NO!" Robbie groaned. "Look, I know I know the lines. I also need you to help me work on what dialect I should use."

"Dialect?"

"It says Caroline Ashley is from out of town. Maybe she has a different accent."

"Caroline Ashley? What the hell kind of a name is that? It's just two first names. And wait a minute, why am _I_ helping you with dialect."

"I've heard you in your sleep; you're good at doing impressions and changing your voices."

"Why were you-"

"What do you suggest?"

"Well…" Robbie read over some of the lines. "Given the way she talks, she could be British, or southern, or…talks with a normal accent. Yeah, Trina I don't really know. How would you read her lines?"

"How would _you_ read her lines?"

"I would read them quietly to myself."

"Can you just give me a demonstration on how you would read the lines out loud?"

Robbie reread the script. "No, you're wrong Johnny, I-"

"Why are you reading like that?"

"I'm just reading out loud like you wanted."

"Read it like how you would if you were a girl."

"So you want me to pretend to be a girl?"

"So that I can have an idea on how to audition. Now read it like a woman!"

Robbie cleared his throat. "No, you're wrong Johnny," Robbie spoke with a generic female voice, "you may have broken my heart down in Tijuana but-"

"Caroline Ashley's Mexican?"

"No, Trina!" Robbie's voice was back to his normal voice. "If you would have read the entire script that doesn't include this character, you'd know that Johnny Brewster hid from authorities in Tijuana, where he met this chick, while she was vacationing there."

"Come with me to the auditions tomorrow!"

"No, Trina!"

"Yes, I need a working car anyway."

"I don't have a working car!"

"Then…pay for a taxi ride for me."

"Trina-"

An alarm went off on Trina's phone. "Time for my daily stress bath!"

"What stress could you possibly have?"

"Just go away! I'll see you tomorrow morning with a taxi cab." She pushed him out of her apartment and slammed the door.

…

Robbie unlocked the door to his place to find Beck and Jade nearly naked on his hide-a-bed. "I'm uncomfortable," he went to their kitchenette for something to eat.

"Dammit," he heard Beck mutter. This meant Beck had looked up and noticed Robbie interrupted an intimate moment between him and Jade.

Jade groaned. "I thought you were going to be out longer, Robbie."

"I have no life, Jade," Robbie retorted back. "I was just being forced to help Trina with dialects for her audition tomorrow-which I am forced to go to as well."

"Let me guess; she wanted you to read in a female voice to get an idea on how you would act it out," Beck suggested.

"Yup."

"You know, you do do voices well," Jade commented.

"Were you listening to me in my sleep too?"

"It's kind of hard not to."

"Dude, you talk in your sleep," Beck informed. "Sometimes you change your voice in your sleep. Like one time you went from your normal voice to some horrible imitation of Sean Connery."

Robbie noticed a sinister look on Jade's face. "Jade?"

"I just had an idea," Jade slyly smiled.

"This can't be good," Beck muttered.

"I will take Trina to the audition if you do something for me."

Robbie skeptically raised an eyebrow. "Does it involve pain?"

She shook her head. "Let's go out in the hallway and make a little bet."

"Okay, but shouldn't you at least put a shirt on."

"I'm in a bra, it's cool."

"No; looking at girls in just their underclothes makes me super uncomfortable."

"Underclothes?" Both Jade and Beck acted as though they never heard of that word.

"Just, please put on your shirt."

Jade snapped her fingers. "Beck, give me your shirt." Beck tossed her his shirt. She put it on over her head to please Robbie, and pulled him outside. "I'd like to make a bet with you."

"Okay."

"I bet that you can't get a role on that soap opera you're trying to get Trina to audition for."

"You'd win that bet. They're looking for a female. Unless I don't get this whole biology thing, I am definetly not a female."

"But I can make you a female." Robbie covered his crotch in fear. "Without me pulling a Lorena Bobbit."

"Oh thank God."

"I can turn you into a woman using your male makeup and some of my clothes that I haven't burned from my evil cousin."

"The good Samaritan cousin of yours who donated blood and clothes to you?"

"Yeah, I hate her. Look, I'll take Trina to the audition, and when she fails I'll wait for you and _you_ will audition as a woman. If you get the job, you can be in my play while still contributing funds AND I will wear clothes with bright colors."

"And if I don't get the job?"

"You still have to pay AND you'll have to…" Jade smiled a devious smiled, "…you'll have to go on a date with Trina."

"WHAT?"

"That's my bet. If you get the job, great you'll have money and you'll have a job."

"But I'll be a woman! And either way I'll be paying!"

"And how are both of those a difference to the way things are now? Do we have a bet or not?" Jade held out her hand.

"Deal!" Robbie shook her hand.

"Great. Tomorrow morning, get yourself ready and meet me at the studios before the auditions are over. You did take the script from Trina, did you?"

"Actually; I made my own copy for you in case you wanted to-"

"-that's never gonna happen."

"Well then, I'll put the copy to good use." Jade opened the door. "Wait, should we tell Beck?"

Jade smiled. "Tell him tomorrow after you get ready."

…

Robbie woke up at six the next morning and headed straight for the bathroom. After a shower and shave, he opened the bathroom door to find that Jade had laid out an outfit, a wig, and some fake boobs (where she got those he didn't want to know), some of her makeup, and shoes with a small heel. "Oh, shit," Robbie muttered. He took everything into the bathroom and began prepping for his audition.

A half hour later, Beck knocked on the bathroom door. "You almost done in there?"

"Just a sec!" Robbie called.

"Alright, I'm gonna go rest on your bed til you're done."

"Try not to have sex on it."

"No promises."

"BECK!"

"Kidding!" Beck chuckled as he laid down on Robbie's bed. Beck heard a banging in the bathroom. "You okay?"

"OW!"

"Yup."

Nearly an hour later, dressed like a woman, Robbie tried shaking Beck up. "Beck! Beck."

Beck rolled over without opening his eyes. "Hmm?"

"I'm going to meet Jade at an audition."

"Uh-huh."

"How do I look?"

Beck opened his eyes. He was about to close them when they snapped open. "Aunt Susan?"

"No, it's me, Robbie."

"Robbie? Jesus, you look like my Aunt Susan."

"So, it's believable?"

"What happened to you, did you lose a bet?"

"Not yet. Wish me luck."

"Get some therapy!"

…

Jade found a since of satisfaction as Trina came out of the room screaming in anger and stomping her feet. "Didn't get the part?" Jade sarcastically inquired.

"They didn't even audition me! The director guy said I didn't have the right look. You know what; I didn't even wanna be on that show anyway! Yeah, no!" Trina tore up her script. "Don't wait up, I'm going to my happy place!" Trina stormed to the elevator just as Robbie was getting off. "OUT OF MY WAY!" She pushed past Robbie and closed the elevator doors.

"Wow," Jade eyed him, "I had a feeling you would look like Beck's Aunt Susan."

"This skirt you made me wear is riding up and giving me a wedgie, IF THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE!"

"Talk like a woman."

Robbie groaned. "Did you fill out my audition form?"

"Almost; I didn't know what name to put down."

"Um…Roberta Shapiro."

"Too obvious; any idiot in here might have seen your play or have agents at Hollywood Arts like you do."

"Then what's my new name?"

"Your new last name is Roberts that is easily done. But how can we turn Shapiro into a first name?"

"You can't."

"What's a female name that you like?"

"I like a lot of female names."

"Charlotte it is."

"I like Charlotte."

"Alright Charlotte Roberts," Jade shoved the audition form at his chest, "get in there an audition."

"Wish me luck."

"Just sound like a woman!"

…

Robbie, well technically Charlotte, stood at the end of a line with a few other women in front. Just as quick as the women came in, they quickly came out. Some were sad, some were angry, and others had no emotions whatsoever. Before Robbie knew it, it was Charlotte's turn.

A man with incredibly frizzy hair dressed like a bum was waiting in front of a sound stage. "You must be Charlotte Roberts."

"Uh-huh," Charlotte nodded.

"Go away."

"What?"

"You're just not right for the part."

"I didn't even have the chance to audition!"

"I'm sure you, as well as the other women, would have been lovely but-"

"But what?" Charlotte sounded mad. "Just what is wrong with me, Mister…Man."

"Miss Roberts, I'm looking for a certain physical type; a woman who can be threatening."

"Threatening? You want threatening? Do you what I have been through just to show up here and not get a chance to audition? Now I am going to audition and if you cut me off at any time I will pull a Lorena Bobbit with whatever I can find around this stage or at least knee you in the balls. Is that enough of a threat?"

Sikowitz clapped. "I like you, Miss Roberts; you're different. You've got balls." Charlotte nervously glanced around hoping the man didn't know her big secret. "Name's Sikowitz; I'm the director of this show." He handed Charlotte a script as they shook hands. "You're going to read for Caroline of course and…" he led Charlotte to Tori Vega who seemed to have been waiting for them, "…you'll read with Tori, who plays Kimberly. Tori, this is Charlotte."

"Hi," Tori and Charlotte shook hands as Charlotte cautiously took a seat. "You okay?"

"Oh, just a little nervous."

"Don't be, I'm sure you'll do fine."

"So, how long have you played Kimberly Davis?"

"About three seasons; so two and a half years."

"Sorry about your boyfriend being killed off."

"Ryder and I broke up and-how did you know Ryder was going to be killed off?"

"Tori!" A high pitched voice entered from the right. "Tori, my brother stole my favorite pink dress; the one I was going to wear for the party episode. Can I borrow a dress from you?"

"Sure, Cat."

Robbie, as Charlotte, found himself staring at the petite redhead. Cat noticed. "Who's your new friend?"

"Oh, this is Charlotte; she's auditioning for Alyssa's role."

Cat gasped. "Charlie!"

"Uh, Charlotte," Robbie corrected.

"No, my brother's name is Charlie. My parents wanted a Charlie either way so if it was a boy it would be…" Cat had to think, "…oh, it would be Charlie. And if was a girl, it would be Charlotte, but they would call him Charlie." Cat's face fell. "But if you get the job I can't call you Charlie 'cause Charlie's my brother."

"Oh, you can call me Charlotte."

"Or Lottie," Tori suggested.

"Charlotte's fine."

Sikowitz turned on a microphone in the booth. "Alright ladies, take it from page 37; Cat leave."

"Kay, Kay! Bye everyone!" Cat cheerfully waved as she left.

"Moving on. Tori, you start."

Tori looked at the script, then at Charlotte. "So, you're new here to Southwest General?"

"Yes," Charlotte answered back. Charlotte took Tori's hand and shook it. "Caroline Ashley, such a pleasure to make the acquaintance of such a…popular lady about town."

Tori, while acting, did a typical eyebrow raise. "You know I'm Kimberly Davis?"

"And I've heard so much about you, Miss Davis, that I just wouldn't know where to begin."

Sikowitz turned on the microphone to another cameraman. "I'd like to make this Charlotte woman a little more attractive; how far can you pull back the camera?"

"How do you feel about Cleveland?" A bored cameraman asked. The other cameraman, a frizzy haired younger cameraman in glasses and sweater vests, smacked the bored cameraman upside his head. "Get a new taste in women Sinjin."

"And you can just-" Charlotte slapped Tori.

Tori put her hand to her face. "OW!"

"Tori," Sikowitz began, "why did you say ow?"

"She hit me in the face!" Tori rubbed her face. "It really hurt."

Charlotte looked at the floor and in using Robbie's voice muttered, "I blew it."

…

Jade sat in the waiting room biting her nails as Charlotte came out emotionless. "Well?"

Charlotte smiled. "I got the job."

"YOU WHAT?"

"I got the job!" Jade fainted. Excited, Charlotte pulled out a cell phone and dialed Beck's neighbor. "Hey, Beck."

On the other end, Beck looked confused. "Who is this?"

"It's me," Robbie whispered in his typical voice.

"Oh right, you're dressed like a chick. Jade called and told me what's going on; how'd it go?"

"I got the part." Robbie heard a thud on the other line. That was the sound of Beck fainting. "Beck? Beck?"

* * *

><p><strong>If you get confused here's something that should clear things up: When Robbie is dressed like Charlotte Roberts, I'll call Robbie Charlotte. When Robbie's Robbie, he'll be Robbie (naturally). Does that clear everything up?<strong>

**Again, don't be afraid to ask questions and I'll try to answer them either in the next chapter (as I've done here) or in a private message. And if you haven't seen the movie, I hope I've inspired you to watch it.**

**If you're wondering about the Lorena Bobbit thing I mentioned twice...well...if you really don't know and want to know, Google her; but get info on her before looking at pictures just in case (TRUST ME!)**


	3. Letting Andre in on the Secret

**Nothing to say, so I'm gonna move on.**

* * *

><p>Beck could not stop staring at Robbie as they ate Chinese food the next night. Robbie took notice of this. "Why do you keep staring at me?"<p>

"How can you look like my aunt when as a man you look like…like that?"

"What does your aunt look like?"

Beck took out his wallet. "That's my Aunt Susan and me."

"You're little."

"She died en route to my sixth birthday party. This was the last photo we took together."

"How sad. How old was she?"

"I think she was thirty-six."

"I'm twenty-five! That's an eleven year age difference!"

"You're very convincing when you're dressed like a woman."

"Really? Thanks." Robbie looked at the picture. "I guess I have a slight resemblance when I'm dressed like Charlotte."

"I just want to watch you fail when everyone finds out 'Charlotte's' big secret," Jade air quoted the name.

"You're just pissed because you have to wear bright colors," Beck ate an egg roll.

"Not for long. People are going to find out Charlotte's really Robbie in less than a month and everything will be back to normal."

"Hey I've been meaning to ask you if you ran into Cat."

"Cat?" Robbie looked at Jade. "The redhead?"

"Cat and I were friends for a long time," Jade explained. "We both got accepted into that fancy schmancy school for the talented."

Robbie looked at her confused. "I went to school with you guys since Freshman Year and I don't remember Cat."

"During the summer, they were looking for girls ages 13 to 16 to audition for a role on some stupid soap opera. Cat and I couldn't pass up the opportunity; and they couldn't pass up Cat."

"Cat's so lovable," Beck added.

Jade glared at him. "Are you implying something?"

"No, I'm just saying it's hard for anyone not to instantly fall in love with Cat, male or female; whether it's a physical, mental, spiritual love or a love of her personality."

"What do you love about her?"

"Her innocence and personality Plus her acting; we used to watch that soap opera all the time and they've kept her on for ten years, and they're not going to get rid of her anytime soon."

"Oh yeah, they are," Jade pulled out her phone. "I wanted to know if word leaked about casting Robbie, and when I searched the show I learned that unless the show picks up ratings, they're pulling the show off the air."

"So they might not have to find out Charlotte's really me," Robbie assured.

"It'll be kind of hard not to if you share a dressing room with the women."

"Plus you have to put on makeup," Beck reminded.

"Easy," Robbie was about to explain, "I'll say I have to use my makeup because I have specific makeup allergies. I'll get up extra early and put it on here and then when I'm all dressed up, I'll take a taxi to the studio. And by changing here, I won't have to change clothes in the dressing room."

"You've thought of everything haven't you?"

"Yeah, I think I have."

"Have you thought about telling Andre?" Jade asked.

"Almost everything."

"How are you going to tell Andre?" Beck inquired.

"Well, I went onto Andre's twitter. He tweeted about how he was excited about his first music gig at _Maestro's_."

"That fancy restaurant?"

"Yuperooni."

"So you're going to dress up as Charlotte and surprise Andre at the fancy restaurant? How are you going to get into that place?"

"Andre sent invitations to his friends and clients," Robbie took some sort of ticket out of his pocket. "So I get to see Andre's show and get a free meal…though technically Charlotte will."

"I'd love to see the look on Andre's face when he finds out who Charlotte is," Jade smiled.

"That can be arranged," Robbie pulled out another two tickets out of his pockets.

Beck took the tickets. "Huh, Andre considers us friends."

"He must not have many," Jade snarked.

"No," Robbie agreed.

…

Beck couldn't help glancing in the rearview mirror into the backseat at Robbie, who was dressed like Charlotte. "What now, Beck?"

"Dude, you seriously look like my dead aunt!"

"And you look like Aladdin!"

"Robbie, fix your boobs," Jade instructed. "Beck, you passed the restaurant again."

"He's just too distracting!" Beck protested.

"Okay, dressed like that, Charlotte is a _she_."

"Thank you, Jade," Robbie thanked.

"Use your woman voice, Charlotte."

"Thank you Jade," Charlotte corrected. "And may I say I love your pink dress."

"Never speak of this!"

Beck parked the car. "Alright, we're here."

"They have valet service; use it."

"I don't have money to tip a valet!"

Jade pulled money out of her bra and shoved it at Beck. "We're going to be classy tonight, use a valet." As Beck opened his mouth, Jade shushed him. "Do NOT ask me where I got this money."

Beck sighed and pulled up for valet service. "You owe me tonight."

"Beck, behave yourself in front of a lady."

"Oh, ha ha," Robbie sarcastically laughed.

"Remember your lady voice, Charlotte."

"Pink dress," Charlotte whispered as she passed Jade and entered the restaurant.

The maître de stood at the booth. "May I help you miss?"

Charlotte chuckled a loud chuckle. "Oh, you're sweet. My friends and I have an invite for Andre Harris' performance this afternoon. May we have a table for three?"

"Right this way," he led them to a table near the stage. "Mr. Harris will be performing before dinner. May I offer you something to drink?"

"A beer would be nice."

He gave Charlotte a strange look. "We have wine."

"As long as it's free," Jade glared at the maître de. "It's free, right?"

The maître de looked slightly frightened. "Seeing as you have those tickets for our private dinner and a show, yes. Food and drinks will be provided for you free of charge."

"Cool," Beck nodded. "Can we get some breadsticks or somethin'?"

"Any expensive food you have will do really," Jade slyly smiled.

"Of course," the maître de left.

"You're going to take full advantage of this aren't you?" Robbie asked in his normal voice.

"Stay in character, Charlotte," Jade ordered.

Charlotte chuckled. "I would love to borrow that lovely pink dress, but it looks so much better on you." Jade scowled at Charlotte.

…

After Andre's performance, he sat down at a table for two alone. Jade nudged Charlotte as Beck pulled out a camera. Charlotte went over to Andre.

Andre looked up at Charlotte. "Can I help you?"

"Well Mr. Harris you were just absolutely fantastic tonight, and I was just wondering if I could get your autograph?"

"Sure thing, ma'am." Andre took a napkin as Charlotte handed him. "What's your name?"

"Robbie."

"Robbie?" Andre gave her a confused look. "Oh, short for Roberta."

"No, short for Robert."

Andre was more than confused at this point. "Come again?"

Charlotte sat down in the chair across from Andre and pulled the seat closer to him. "My real name is Robert."

"I feel so sorry for you. Did you parents think you were gonna be a boy?"

"I am a boy…well a man, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm trying to say."

"Excuse you?"

Charlotte lowered her voice. "It's me, Robbie Shapiro."

Andre's eyes widened in shock. "ROBBIE SHAPIRO?"

Beck's camera flashed. "Nice reaction, huh?"

Jade flipped her phone down. "Yeah, but it's better on video where you can also hear it."

"Why do you have to kill my buzz?"

Charlotte's hand was over Andre's mouth. "I have no idea who you're talking about," Charlotte lied. "Now if I take my hand off of your mouth, will you not shout that name again sir?"

Andre nodded. As soon as the hand was removed from his mouth; Andre took a deep breath. "I practically begged you to get some therapy; this is the complete opposite! What are you psychotic?"

"No," Robbie was speaking in his normal voice, "I'm employed."

"What?"

"Did you not get an e-mail from Schneider Studios in regards to Charlotte Roberts?"

"Yeah, I deleted it because I didn't know who Charlotte was. Now that I know, I'm gonna ask that they pay _Charlotte's_ therapy bills."

"I did this as a bet."

"And you lost?"

"No, I won."

"Am I missing something?"

"Jade bet that I couldn't get the role on that soap opera dressed as a woman. She said if I didn't, I'd have to date Trina." Andre shuddered. "But if I won, she would dress in bright colors until someone on the show figures out who I am."

"That would explain the pink dress. It looks nice on her."

"Don't say that to her face."

"So you got the job on my favorite soap opera?"

"It shouldn't last long."

"What do you have a one week deal or something?"

"You didn't hear the news?" Andre shook his head. "If the show doesn't pick up ratings by the end of the month, they're cancelling the show."

"Oh hell no! Girl, you better get on in there and get them some ratings." Andre realized what he said. "Did I just call you girl?"

"You're taking this better than Beck. Beck says I look like his thirty-six year old dead aunt. He just can't stop looking at me when I'm dressed like this."

"Like a romantic way or-"

"God no. It just freaks him out that I look like his dead aunt."

"It freaks me out that you can pass as a woman."

"You really think so?"

"I did think you were a woman. Plus Beck is under the impression that as a woman you look like his thirty-six year old dead aunt. You know, therapy is sounding better and better for you."

"You think I want to dress like this? I did it as a bet- which I won- and now I'm employed as an actor-."

"-actress," Andre corrected.

"It matters! I got an acting job on _your_ favorite soap opera. This soap opera is at risk of cancellation and maybe by some miracle, I can help bring back ratings."

"I doubt it. But there is something you can do."

"What?"

"I want dirt on Tori Vega; favorites, personal info, all that jazz. Is she still seeing Ryder Daniels?"

"Dude, find a new obsession."

"It's not an obsession; it's merely a strong devotion to a beautiful woman."

"Whatever." Robbie stood up to leave. "And no, she and Ryder broke up."

"Hallelujah, I got a chance!"

Robbie returned to Beck and Jade. "So, are we ready to go?"

"Can you do one thing for me?" Beck began.

"Depends."

"I want you to go dressed like that to my brother's and tell him to give me back my $10 plus interest."

"I'M NOT YOUR AUNT SUSAN!" The restaurant looked at him. Robbie cleared his throat and began chuckling in his female voice. "Sorry, I'm starting to get a little cold."

"Remember to sound like a lady Charlotte," Jade smiled.

Charlotte smiled. "Have I told you that you look lovely in that pretty pink dress?"

Jade took her plate of spaghetti and dropped it down Charlotte's dress. "Oops."

* * *

><p><strong>This was only a filler chapter. I plan on having Charlotte go to work in the next chapter.<strong>

**Also if anyone's interested, I put the special edition trailer of **_**Tootsie**_** on YouTube so you know what it's like (because I can't find the movie anywhere on YouTube) and the special edition trailer is better than the other trailer they had uploaded.**


	4. Charlotte's First Day on the Job

**Let's go to work in more than one sense. Robbie/Charlotte goes to work acting, I get to work with this story, and you get to work on readin'.**

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><p>Usually filming for <em>Central Hearts and Minds<em> began at 10:00 a.m. (with actors clocking in before 9:00). Robbie lived some distance away from the Schneider Studios and he had to undergo at least an hour and a half to two hours to dress like Charlotte before taking a taxi (because Beck wouldn't let him use his car) to his- technically Charlotte's- new job. Still, a job was a job and Robbie would be acting. He woke up at 5:00, got ready until 7:00, left to take a taxi by 7:30 after eating a short breakfast, and arrived a little before 9:00 to his destination.

"Hi!" Sinjin was the first to greet Charlotte when Charlotte arrived. "I'm Sinjin van Cleef."

"Hello," Charlotte tried to get to the dressing room.

"I work backstage," Sinjin followed. "Mostly the camera, but I do lighting if necessary. Sometimes if special effects are necessary, I do those too."

"Good for you."

"Here's your first ever script," Sinjin handed Charlotte the script. "I asked if I could give it to you personally."

"Thanks, Sinjin."

"Your voice is pretty."

Charlotte stared at him. "Um…thank you. You wouldn't happen to know where the ladies dressing room is would you."

"Yeah, but I'm not allowed within a hundred feet of the ladies dressing room. I tried to give something to my cousin, but I ended up walking on a naked Alyssa Vaughn. I stood there frozen in fear with my eyes widened at her naked body and she thought I was peeping or something. I got a boner."

Charlotte was creeped out. "I'm sure that was...pleasant."

Sinjin nodded. "I have to stay two hundred feet away from Alyssa Vaughn."

"Just point me in the direction of the dressing room!"

"Wow, I like a woman who's forceful." Sinjin stared at her practically drooling.

"Never mind, I'll find it myself." Charlotte began walking in a different direction until coming across the sign for the ladies dressing room. Charlotte opened the door. "Oh my God!"

Tori Vega was standing there in a bra and underwear. "Oh, hi. Charlotte, right?"

"I think so." Charlotte closed the door.

Tori laughed. "Look at you; you're all ready to go."

"And…you're not."

"Our assistant's brining me a backup dress. I loaned the one I was going to wear to Cat. Then again, it was hers to begin with, so I gave it back."

"That was nice of you, I suppose."

"You got today's script?"

"I haven't looked at it yet."

"Sikowitz told us we're going to have a party scene where we introduce you, we're going to film that first. If you didn't have a dress, we would've loaned you one."

"I really wear nothing but dresses to be honest." Charlotte looked at the script. "This script is a little small; I don't think I come in til around the middle. Jesus, I have to memorize this today?"

"It could be worse. Cat gets these giant scripts because she's just about in every scene. Sikowitz and the producers just love her."

"I'm sure they do."

Tori sort of glared at Charlotte. "Are you implying that Cat's sleeping with any of them."

"NO! No! I saw her on TV and she's so sweet, and innocent, and it might be hard for anyone not to love her."

"Yeah, she and I are like the best of friends." There was a knock at the door. Tori answered it as Charlotte looked over the script. "Thanks." Tori took the dress from the assistant and modeled it for Charlotte. "Whaddya think?"

"That's a lovely shade of purple."

"I love purple. I'm gonna put it on after my shower."

"Shower?"

"Yeah, we've got a bathroom with a shower in here. Cat's using it now."

"Cat?"

Dressed in only a towel, Cat stepped out of the bathroom. "Someone called me?" She noticed Charlotte. Using one hand to hold her towel, she waved with the other one. "Hi, Charlotte!" Embarrassed, Charlotte slowly waved back. "Well, don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." Cat went back in the bathroom.

Tori looked at a red-looking Charlotte. "Are you uncomfortable around semi-naked people, Charlotte?"

"Only if I don't know them. I'm sure I wouldn't mind if I get to know you ladies better."

Another actress entered from another part of the dressing room in a bathrobe. "Hey, I got another sex scene today; have you seen the fishnets that go with lingerie?" The actress held up some revealing lingerie. She looked at Charlotte. "Hello, new person." She stared at Tori. "Do you know where the fishnets are?"

"I don't know Gwen," Tori protested. "Ask Christine."

"I guess I should," Gwen looked down at Charlotte. "Christine's best known for playing the town slut. How do you think she got the job?"

"And how do you think you got to be the bitch of Southwest General? Get dressed and ask Christine if she's got the fishnets." Gwen flipped the bird at Tori and stomped off.

"You really know how to stand up for yourself," Charlotte complimented.

"Thanks, I guess I have my sister Trina to thank for that."

Charlotte made a face in annoyance at Trina's name when Tori wasn't looking and went back to reading her script. "Oh my God!"

"What's the matter?"

"I have to kiss Johnny Brewster!"

"Oh that. Rex is known for kissing all the girls on the show, Cat included but that was on the cheek. We call him the tongue. Sometimes we call him Captain Forgetful because he never remembers his lines. He's always reading cue cards when we're filming."

"Ugh!"

Cat came out of the bathroom in pink bathrobe and was using a pink towel to dry her hair. She took a seat beside Charlotte. "So Charlotte, are you excited to start filming?"

Charlotte nodded. "They don't give you much time to memorize your scripts though."

"Actually, they let you act own the scene while reading the scripts first to make sure they're not going to make any changes. Then you do this a couple more times before taking a break and then having another call time where you film the scene without scripts."

"Cat's a pro at it," Tori smiled as she closed the bathroom door.

"So Charlotte, how old are you?"

"A lady never reveals her true age."

"Oh, okay. I guess I shouldn't have people I'm twenty-four. Oh no, I revealed my true age! I'm not a lady!"

"Oh no, no, no of course you are. That was a way of saying I'm uncomfortable revealing my true age."

"Oh. Kay, Kay! So I'm still a real lady if I say I'm twenty-four?" Charlotte nodded. "Well then, I'm twenty-four!"

Charlotte chuckled. "Well then, I'm…not."

"Can I guess you're age?"

"If you want."

Cat began to think. "Thirty-six!"

Charlotte groaned. "Why does everyone think I'm thirty-six?"

Cat became upset. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no! No, don't be. I just look a little older than my real age. I'm really…thirty…thirty-"

"Oh, okay then! You're six years older than me and Tori! Don't be ashamed; thirty is the new twenty."

"Oh, you're sweet."

"Thanks. I gotta go find my cousin. See you on set."

"Uh-huh." Charlotte watched her leave and heaved a sigh. In Robbie's voice, Charlotte muttered, "God help her I think Charlotte's a lesbian."

…

Once the entire cast was assembled on the sound stage for the party scene, Sikowitz singled out Charlotte and pulled the new cast member to the center. Sikowitz cleared his throat. "AHEM! As you may or may not be aware, today is national chocolate day. Free chocolates will be provided for no less than fifty cents. Oh, and this is your new costar Charlotte Roberts. Let's begin shooting this scene."

Rex made his way over to Charlotte and did his trademark chuckle. "Lookin' forward to lockin' lips with you Toots," He took some breath spray out of his pocket and sprayed it into his mouth.

Charlotte shuddered. Using Robbie's voice, Charlotte then kept assuring, "Charlotte's kissing this creep, not Robbie. Charlotte. This is for a job."

Tori walked past. "Break a leg, Charlotte."

Charlotte composed herself. "Thank you, you too Tori."

Sikowitz turned on his microphone in the booth. "PLACES PUPPETS!" The cast (and crew) took their places. "We're taking it from Charlotte's arrival and ending with the kiss before we cut to the hospital scene. READY?" Sikowitz waited a few seconds. "AND…ACTION!"

Tori (as Kimberly) ran up to Cat (as Emily). "Em, I can't find Ryan anywhere! I'm really worried something happened to him."

"Don't worry Kim," Emily tried to assure. "What are you so worried about?"

"I just want him here with me so I know he's not with Jessica. My problem is I don't see Jessica here either."

"Kim, you shouldn't-"

"Hello ladies," Rex (as Johnny Brewster) made his way into their conversation barely taking his eyes off his script. "I couldn't help but notice you two obviously single girls standing here alone."

"Ryan and I are engaged!"

"Well after seeing him with Jessica, naturally I assumed you two had broken up."

"Johnny, don't be cruel!" Emily hit Johnny's shoulder.

"And hit on some other woman here!" Kimberly requested.

"Please," Johnny scoffed (Rex was still looking at his script), "if you haven't noticed, I _have_ hit on every woman here."

"Not that one," Kimberly pointed to Caroline Ashley (Charlotte's character).

"Oh yes I have."

"What?"

"When hidin' in Tijuana," Johnny began (as Rex still continued to stare at his script), "I happened to have met her while she was vacationing. I tried hitting on her, but she refused my advances. Might as well try again." He made his way over to Caroline. "Hi there, baby."

Caroline turned around. "Well, if it isn't the man who tried to steal my heart, but ended up stealing my money."

"I wasn't sure if you remembered me. I'm surprised to see you here in Southwest General."

"My late father was a tycoon who invested in this town. Why I don't know. I've come here to keep my fortune and live in this little Hell Hole you call Southwest General."

"Don't diss my hometown Tootsie. When you diss my hometown, you diss me."

"Have I told you lately your vocabulary is extensive?" Caroline began to leave, but Johnny (still looking at the script) followed. "Now if you would kindly leave me in peace!"

"Come on, I'd like to finish where we started back in Tijuana. You know you can't resist me."

"A man like you is hard to resist," Caroline sounded sarcastic.

"We never did get a chance to kiss." Rex lowered his script and puckered his lips.

Naturally, the script called for Charlotte to kiss Rex. But, Charlotte wasn't going to have that. Without warning, Charlotte slapped him across the face. "You listen to me and you listen good," Charlotte began as the cast and crew looked at her confused, "I've heard about you! I know your game! You've hit on every woman in this town but I'll be damned if you try your game on me! What we had was nothing; and that's what you'll be getting from me. Might I suggest if you wish to court me, you do it like a proper gentleman and agree to be in a relationship with me, and ONLY me. Lest I remind you of your bedroom escapades with Sandy Coleman and her mother Teri! I am not one to be messed with. Now would you kindly get out of my way before I get in that house and get me something to bash your head with." Before walking away, Charlotte stomped on Rex's foot with her heel.

"CUT!" Sikowitz yelled. "Charlotte, that wasn't in your script!"

Charlotte looked up at the booth. "I felt like that was something my character would do."

"Hmm, well…if you feel as though there should be any changes to the script, consult myself of the writers _before_ shooting a scene, with or without scripts."

"I'm so sorry Mr. Sikowitz, sir."

"That was excellent, however. Good job thinking at what your character would do. Next time, feel free to Charlie horse him or something different. Alright, we'll reshoot this later. Let's take it to the hospital scene and then the scene where Kimberly and Emily learn of the deaths."

Cat skipped over to Charlotte. "That was really amazing, what you just did!"

"Oh, I felt that my character would do that."

"I know. I really should do the same, what I feel my character should do. You're really an inspiration."

Charlotte stared at her. "And you're beautiful." Cat looked confused. "What I mean by that is you have a beautiful soul and you give off such a sweet, innocent presence. You should really trust your instincts on what you think your character should do."

"Thanks," Cat gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I can tell you're going to be like my mother figure here; you give such good advice."

Charlotte did not notice that her/his eyes were drifting to Cat's chest, and how the dress Cat was wearing was slightly tight around that area. "What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits…TIPS. I meant tips."

Cat giggled and walked away as Rex came up. "I have to say, what you did..." Rex whistled, "…that was a game changer. I am impressed."

"Why thank you. I was only doing what I felt Caroline Ashley would-"

Rex suddenly kissed Charlotte on the lips. "You are one special woman." Charlotte stifled a laugh. "See you later." He walked away.

"Aw, ew!" Charlotte stopped Tori as Tori was about to pass her. "I hate to be a bother darling, but do you have a couple of breathmints or something?"

* * *

><p><strong>Seriously, I am running out of things to say. I just wanted to get this chapter up and going while trying to use some funny movie quotes. So, nothing more from me. Just keep reading and feel free to review if you wish.<strong>


	5. Robbie's New Relationship

**Wow, I'm just running out of things to say to introduce and conclude this fanfic. I don't know if that's good or bad. I do have something to say ahead of time though. One of my surprises in the beginning in no way shape or form happened in the movie; I just thought it would be a nice surprise for Bade fans.**

**Now let's jump into the story.**

* * *

><p>"For no reason he just kissed me on the lips for a few seconds and called me 'one special woman'. It was so awkward," Robbie finished his story as he took off his makeup. Once he was done with that, he started to pick up the clothes he left on the floor. "And I thought that Sinjin guy was creepy."<p>

"So this Rex guy, he just practically made out with you?" Beck asked Robbie as Robbie was putting his clothes away. Robbie nodded.

"That's just hilarious," Jade snarked as she sat on Robbie's hide-a-bed reading.

Robbie looked at her. "A, get off my bed. And two, why are you wearing all black? We had a bet, remember!"

"When have you known me to keep a promise?"

Robbie thought about what she said. "I don't know why that surprised me."

"You want to hear another surprise?" Beck asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"You got a date with Trina," Jade responded.

"WHAT?"

"Um, that wasn't the surprise I was referring to," Beck looked at her.

"Oh yeah," Jade shrugged, "you meant the other thing."

"Other _thing_?"

Jade put her book down and the looked at Robbie. "Robbie, you're moving out."

"What?" Robbie looked at Beck. "What's going on? You know, I was the one who found this place and let you guys live with me!"

"That's not it either!" Beck protested.

"So I'm still staying here?"

"Not unless you want to listen to some snot-nosed little shit crying all night," Jade lamented as she began reading again.

"I'm still not getting what-"

"Jade's pregnant," Beck answered for her.

"Wow, Jade con-"

"Do NOT congratulate me!" She warned.

"Okay." Robbie turned to Beck. "Beck, congratulations."

"Thank you. I think I'm excited for the two of us," he glanced at Jade.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Robbie still has a date with Trina," Jade reminded.

"I did not agree to a date with Trina!"

"I agreed for you. I also said it would be a good idea for the two of you to just spend a nice evening in her apartment. Just the two of you."

"Why?"

"Beck and I want to have sex."

"Are you sure that's a good idea when you're pr-"

"Do NOT say that word!"

"What word, pregnant?"

"I will kill you Robbie Shapiro!"

"Just because I said the word-"

"She means it," Beck showed Robbie his arm.

"Oh my God, Beck, what happened?"

"I said the 'p' word and she stabbed me with scissors. I also wanted to call our parents to tell them the good news and she threatened to shave my head."

"Um, that's sort of dark."

"It's Jade."

"Right."

"Run along Robbie," Jade told him, "your date starts in a half hour."

Robbie groaned. "I will get you back for this somehow!"

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"Robbie," Beck handed him his car keys, "you're gonna wanna get out of there fast."

"Thank you," Robbie thanked as he left.

…

Robbie crossed his fingers as he knocked on Trina's apartment door. "Please don't be home," he begged to himself. "Please don't be home." Trina opened the door. "Hi, Trina."

Trina glared at him. "What, no flowers or chocolates?"

"We're not dating!"

"Then what do you call this little get-together tonight?"

"Dinner with a…well I wouldn't call you a friend either really. _You_ just called it a get-together."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever get your ass in here!" Trina pulled Robbie into her apartment. Trina's apartment was a mess with clothes and magazines all over the floor and tables. In addition to this, photos of Trina completely encompassed the apartment. One particular one, a giant portrait of Trina, hung over her television. "Make yourself comfortable while I get dinner ready. I'm trying this new recipe I've never heard of. But if you don't like it, I've got some ham sandwiches in my fridge."

"Trina, I can't eat pork."

"It's not pork, it's ham. Duh!"

"Ham is from a pig. I can't eat anything made from pigs."

"Yes you can; it's not like your Jewish or anything."

"Yes, Trina, I am Jewish."

"Whatever." Trina went back into her kitchen singing a song horribly off key.

As Robbie looked around her apartment, he did notice hiding behind headshots of Trina, was a picture of her and her sister. Both of the Vega sisters seemed to be enjoying each other's company and were smiling. Behind another Trina headshot, was a picture of Cat. Robbie looked at it and read what Cat wrote on the back. "Here's hoping we can be friends. You seem really sweet; Cat," Robbie turned the photo around and smiled at Cat's smile (and naivety at Trina's true persona).

"COME EAT!" Trina shrieked.

Robbie shuddered. But somehow, looking at the picture of Cat made him feel slightly better. He put the picture in his pocket and sat at the kitchen table.

"TA-DA!" Trina set a plate of burned food where Robbie sat. "I call it Spaghetti Surprise."

Robbie made a disgusted face. "I see the surprise, but where's the spaghetti?"

"Oh just eat it."

Robbie pushed the plate away. "Trina, I'd rather-"

"EAT IT!"

"Okay!" Robbie squeaked. He pulled the plate closer and took a bite of Trina's cooking. "Hmm," he made that noise while trying to hide his disgust. His eyes then widened. "WATER! WATER!" He ran into the kitchen, turned the cold water on as high as it could go, and put his mouth to the faucet to get a drink. "WHAT WAS IN THAT?"

"I was trying some different spices." Trina ate the food. She quickly spat it out onto her plate. "This is so bland! It has no taste" She took Robbie's plate and ate from his. "Now, this has taste." This is what Robbie assumed Trina said as she talked with her mouth full. She swallowed her food. "You can eat mine."

"No, you spat in it!"

"Then eat a ham sandwich!"

"No thank you. I'm just going to watch some TV."

Trina picked up her plate. "Me too!"

"What?"

"Well, this is a date—"

"No, no it's not," Robbie muttered as she continued on ignoring him.

"-so let's spend some quality time together. What do you want to watch?"

"I thought we could watch _Central Hearts and Minds_."

"Ew, why?"

"Andre suggested I audition for a male part. I told him I didn't know what this show was and he told me to watch it."

"Good idea," Trina turned on her TV and went to her DVR.

"You have this in your DVR?"

"I like to watch my sister's bad acting. I started watching it when the producers picked her over me."

"You auditioned for the show twice now?"

"Do you want to watch this or not?" Before Robbie could even open his mouth, Trina shushed him. Not wanting to piss her off, Robbie shut up and watched the entire episode with her. This was also the first time Robbie was watching the soap opera, waiting for a promo for the next episode, which would be the episode where Caroline Ashley was introduced.

"Next week on_ Central Hearts and Minds_," Tori's voice narrated this part.

Trina turned off the TV. Robbie seemed upset. "I wanted to see what was going to happen on Monday!"

"Oh big deal, they're probably going to introduce the new chick they hired. That Mexican Caroline Ashley chick or something."

"She wasn't Mexican, Trina!"

"It matters!"

"Kinda," Robbie whispered to himself. Trina then gave a flirty look at Robbie. "Trina, why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was just thinking that I'm feeling dirty."

"Take a shower."

"Alright. Wanna jump in with me?" Trina winked.

"NO! God, Trina what is your problem?"

"Hey, you're the one who obviously wants a relationship but won't make a move. If I have to make the first move then fine!"

"I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP!"

"TOO LATE, YOU GOT ONE!" Trina got off the couch. "I am going to take a shower."

"Good for you!"

"I expect you to be in my bed when I get out of the shower."

"No!"

"One way or another Robbie Shapiro, you're sleeping with me!" Trina did the typical 'I'll be watching you' sign from _Meet the Parents_. "I'm watching you Robbie Shapiro. You're mine now!" Before going into the bathroom, she peered her head out and glared to make sure he was still there.

Robbie shuddered and left. But then he quickly went back into her apartment, modeled a dress Trina left on the floor, took the dress, and ran like a bat outta Hell.

…

Robbie entered the apartment to find Beck and Jade having sex (where else) on his bed. "Of course," he said as he made his way into the kitchenette. "I'm back; please refrain from having sex on my bed."

"Hi Robbie," Beck greeted.

"You guys have your own bed. It's bigger than my hide-a-bed."

"Yeah, but ours is so firm; yours has some bounce in it."

"I'm now seriously starting to believe that little Beck Jr or Jade the second was conceived on my bed."

"What was your first clue?" Jade sarcastically asked.

"So, how was Trina's?" Beck changed the subject.

"I think we're in a relationship," Robbie replied. "She might have also tried to poison me with her 'Spaghetti Surprise'." He air quoted the last two words. "I also took one of her dresses for Charlotte."

"You stole one of Trina's dresses?"

"It was laying in a mess on her floor, I doubt she'll miss it. And who knows, maybe she'll forget this whole relationship thing too."

His phone rang. Jade slyly smiled. "I doubt it."

"Just let it go to voicemail," Beck suggested. Robbie did as Beck suggested. "Oh, and Jade and-"

"-just you," Jade interrupted as she put on Beck's shirt.

"Okay then," Beck rolled his eyes. "_I_ was wondering if you would like to be our child's godfather."

Robbie's eyes widened. "Really?"

"We considered asking you to be godmother," Jade joked.

"Oh ha, ha. Who are you seriously going to ask to be godmother?"

"I dunno, maybe Cat," Beck shrugged. "I'm leaving that decision to Jade. Oh, and we're also considering hooking you and Cat up."

"Really?"

"Considering," Jade told him, "that doesn't necessarily mean we'll do it."

"You can be a serious ballbuster."

"I thrive on being a ballbuster, spirit crusher, fun-sucker, soul-sucker, frown bringer, doom bringer, the cause of true terror and fear, oh I can just go on and on."

"Let's hope your kid looks like you and has Beck's personality."

"You and me both," Beck agreed.

* * *

><p><strong>I had to cause a complication. In the movie, Michael is going to try on one of his annoyingwhiny friends' Sandy's dresses and she walks in on him practically naked. Quickly thinking, he says "Sandy, I want you," then they sleep together and then are in some sort of (doomed) relationship. ****Obviously, I had to change that up a bit. I did however have Beck and Jade sleep together; I hope you have some slight appreciation for that.**

**Again, I don't know what else to say so I'll finish here. Feel free to question and or review yada, yada, yada.**


	6. A Secret Exposed and a Setup

**Wow, even I think I made Trina a little too bitchy. In retrospect, I gotta give props to Daniella Monet when she's playing Trina because she does make Trina seem a little like a bitch (though she has some good moments).**

**In response to a review from **_**ArchxAngel: **_**I did make changes to alter it to fit the Victorious people/world w/out making continuities (I hate continuities) and I don't really like Robbie and Trina together so that's why they didn't sleep together. I also had to give Jade a role too. I don't own the original story, so I kinda put my own little spin on it. I hope that can give you some insight as to why I changed things up. I try to keep the same PLOT but change other things to adjust to the setting and characters and I hope I at least did that ('cause I know others have too).**

**I love to answer questions or give explanations so feel free to ask me anything, but try to keep it related to the fanfic. Don't ask me things like 'hey can I get your number so we can smoke weed' (that's a true story, I'm NEVER walking to the public library alone EVER again). Suggest things too, I might take suggestions into heart and if I can't use them in a current fanfic, I can try a new one.**

**But now we move on with this fanfic. By the way, the chapter name is just a little misleading (I didn't intend for it to, I didn't know what else to call it)**

* * *

><p>Charlotte glanced over her script the next day as Cat came out of the shower in the pink bathrobe. "Hi!"<p>

"Oh, hi Cat," Charlotte waved. "How are you this lovely morning?"

"Tired," Cat sat down beside Charlotte. "I had to go to this gala with some veteran soap opera actors and actresses and it was so boring! But when you see it on the television, I was pretending to have fun."

"I'll be sure to watch."

"But…can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, I love secrets."

"I met someone there."

"Did you now?"

"His name's Steven Carson. He works a few sets away on another soap opera." Cat bit her lip and giggled. "He asked me out!"

"Did he now?"

Cat breathed a sigh of relief. "I was just so excited I had to tell you before any of the other ladies."

Charlotte stifled a small laugh. "Well, why me?"

"I've never had this much of an instant connection with anybody. I feel as though I can just trust you right away and I know you'd never lie or hurt me."

"I would never do that to you."

"Wanna know another secret?"

"Sure."

Cat giggled. "No."

"No?"

"It's too embarrassing."

"Tell me anyway."

Cat blushed. "I wish you were a guy."

"You what?"

"I really like you as a friend, maybe even a confidant whatever that is. But I want a relationship."

"And you wish I was a guy so you and I could be in a relationship?"

Cat nodded. "You understand me really well. But I mean, I can try a relationship with Steven without having feelings for you."

"Yeah." Both Charlotte and Robbie were heartbroken. However, both Charlotte and Robbie supported whatever decision Cat wanted. "Whatever you do, I just want you to be happy."

"Yay!" Cat kissed Charlotte's cheek. "I also wanted your okay because, well you're my friend." Cat ran off to another side of the dressing room.

Robbie moaned and banged his head against the wall. "WHY[bang]? WHY[bang]? WHY [bang]?" He rubbed the back of his head.

"Something you wanna share with the class Robbie?"

"Oh crap! How did you figure this out?"

Tori sat down beside him. "I answered your phone while you were going to the bathroom. I shoulda known something was up when I could hear the pee over the message."

"You cannot tell anyone!"

"I promise, I won't. Hey, who was the guy who called you? He sounds kinda cute."

"My manager Andre; he's obsessed with you."

"Oh, okay then. Speaking of obsessions, someone here is in love with Charlotte."

"Rex?"

"No, Rex has a couple of girlfriends from North Ridge I think. Sinjin."

"Oh, him."

Tori laughed. "I know he's really weird and really creepy…" Tori paused, "…sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this. Sinjin is really weird, and really creepy."

Robbie rolled his eyes. "He told me he got a boner after staring at a naked Alyssa Vaughn."

"Sinjin was one of the reasons she quit the show. But he's harmless, really. His mother though," Tori whistled, "she's another story. She has serious issues. Insanity practically runs in their family. She scared Sinjin so bad that he had to move in with Cat."

"Wait, Sinjin lives with Cat?"

"They're cousins."

"Really?"

"You didn't know that."

"Nope."

"Well, now you do."

"But you said insanity runs in Sinjin's family and Cat is his family."

"Cat's not…she has moments. I mean she's really sensitive, kinda naïve, I mean she sometimes doesn't understand things. But all in all-"

"YOU HAVE TO SET ME UP WITH HER!"

"Dude, use your Charlotte voice if you're going to yell. And I'm not gonna lie, it's kinda freaky that you just said that dressed as a woman in a man's voice."

"Sorry," Robbie whispered in his normal voice. "Tori, I've never felt this way about anyone. You have to set me up with her!"

Tori raised an eyebrow. "From what I heard, you're in a relationship with my sister."

"No, I'm not!"

"She seems to think you are."

"We're not! Trina just naturally assumes we are. Hasn't she naturally assumed things before?"

"Well, yeah. I have to say, you could do better anyone. If Trina does somehow magically get in a relationship, it's gonna be with a desperate guy who will worship her." As Robbie opened his mouth to speak, Tori stopped him. "And no, not Sinjin."

"He would be perfect for her!"

"Let's tackle one issue at a time. You want me to set you up with Cat?"

"I would much appreciate that, yes. And if you'd like, I can set you on a date with Andre, the guy with the cute voice."

"No. If I do this for you, you have to find a way to convince Trina you're not together."

"And how the hell would I do that?"

"Tell her you're in love with another woman."

"That will never work."

"Okay."

Cat came back into the area wearing a tank top and pink skirt. "Hi Tori." She waved. Cat sat beside Charlotte. "Charlotte, can you do me a huge favor?"

"Why don't I finish getting ready?" Tori left the dressing room and headed for the costume department.

Robbie composed himself and quickly became Charlotte. "Why sure, Cat. What do I have to do?"

Cat sighed. "I'm going on a date with Steven."

"Ah." There went Robbie's chances of a date with Cat.

"It's my first ever real first date, and I'm really scared."

Charlotte patted Cat's hand. "You really shouldn't be darlin'."

"But I am. And I thought it would make it much easier if you joined me on my date."

"But wouldn't I be sort of a third wheel?"

"I thought you could go with my cousin Sinjin on this date!"

"Say what?"

"I know he seems weird and creepy, but he's harmless, and he really, really likes you. He built a shrine to you made of his chewed food collection." Charlotte made a both awed and disgusted face. "So if we made this a double date, I thought it might make the date a little easier, and make Sinjin happy." Cat pouted her lips and her big brown eyes widened. "Please."

"Oh, I can't say no to that pretty face. Alright, I'll do it."

"YAY!" Cat squealed gave Charlotte a big hug. She quickly jumped up. "We've got a day off on Saturday. Wanna meet at _Maestro's_ for a dinner? My treat."

"I'll be there."

Cat smiled a wide smile. "I'll go tell Sinjin!" She ran out of the dressing room.

…

Robbie opened his apartment door dressed as Charlotte and was instantly hit on the head with something unidentifiable, but hard. "OW!"

"Oh great," Jade (in an angry huff) pointed to Robbie, "_that's_ here!"

Beck pulled Robbie out of the hall. "She's having some serious mood swings. I tried reading a pregnancy book before she repeatedly hit me with it and given the mood swings I'm pretty sure she's about four and a half months, but she won't go to the doctor to find out. When I suggested that, she burst into tears. When I tried to soothe her over, she got pissed off and hit me with the book again, this time for a reason. I mean this as a friend, but you need to get the hell out of here."

"Where can I go?"

"Go to Trina's!"

"What?"

"There aren't many alternatives here. Just go to Trina's until Jade's less irked."

"I can't go to Trina's dressed like this." Beck sighed and started taking off his pants. "Um, Beck, what are you doing?"

Beck tossed his pants at Robbie and then began taking off his shirt. "Just put on my clothes."

"I'm going to need shoes."

"That Lane guy leaves his shoes outside his door, take his."

"What about my makeup?"

"There's a bathroom near the lobby, go wash it off in there." Beck handed Robbie his shirt and was standing there in boxers. "Next time, you should take spare guy clothes with you and change before you get home in case something like this happens again."

"Where am I going to put my lady clothes?"

"After I get dressed and sneak away I'll bring them upstairs."

"BECK OLIVER YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND FEED ME SOME PICKLES!" Jade yelled from inside.

"Trina's place is sounding sort of better right now," Robbie took Beck's clothes and ran to the elevator as Beck returned back into the apartment. Before going to the elevator, Robbie went to Lane's apartment and stole his shoes.

Once Robbie made it to the bathroom near the lobby, he spent the next ten minutes removing the makeup. Once done, he changed into Beck's clothes (which didn't fit him as well as he thought, but he did not want to be in Beck's position right now) and Lane's shoes, left Charlotte's clothes and wig in the bathroom.

Less than five minutes later, Beck went to the bathroom (fully dressed) and took the clothes. He tried to be inconspicuous, he was carrying a wig and women's clothes after all, as he made his way to the elevator.

As Beck boarded the elevator to the top floor where he lived, a sort of frazzled Lane was waiting. "Those damn teenagers keep taking my shoes," he muttered as he waited for the elevator. As the elevator opened, Beck and Lane locked eyes. Lane noticed what Beck was carrying. "Hello, Beck."

"Lane." He noticed Lane looking at the clothes and wig. "I can explain."

Lane shook his head. "You know what; I don't wanna get involved in your business." Lane got onto the elevator.

…

Robbie knocked on Trina's apartment door. Trina answered. "Again, no flowers or chocolates?"

"Trina, listen-"

"I'm sorry."

"I…you're what?" Did those two words come out of Trina Vega's mouth?

"I shouldn't have pressured you to sleep with me. I mean we've never been on an 'official' date. I do like you Robbie, I mean not like the way you like me but-"

"-I don't like you like that," Robbie quietly stated as Trina continued on.

"-but I'm willing to be in a relationship with you. Believe it or not, I've never actually been in a real relationship."

"Oh, I believe it," Robbie muttered.

"What was that?"

"I, uh, don't believe it."

"I know me never in a relationship. Anyway, I'm willing to go out with you. What do you say we go out for a fancy dinner at _Maestro's_ this Friday? My treat."

"That sounds nice, Trina, but-"

"Great! I'll see you there!" Trina shut her door. "I've got to go to an audition now." She took Robbie completely by surprise by putting her lips to his for about five seconds. "Wow, you're surprisingly a good kisser." She left humming to herself.

Robbie stood there wiping his lips trying to get the taste of Trina off of him. As he stood there, he noticed a petite redhead in a t-shirt and jeans approach Trina's apartment from the direction opposite the one Trina left in. "Cat?"

Cat turned around. "Do I know you?"

The realization hit him that he was Robbie. "I wanted to make sure you're the real Cat Valentine. I watch you on that show. You're really pretty."

"Thank you," Cat thanked. She knocked on Trina's door.

"She's not home."

"Do you know the girl who lives her?"

"Trina? Yeah, we kind of have a thing."

"Oh. Well, Friday's her birthday and I'm kind of busy so I thought I'd personally drop off her present." Cat held up a basket. "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"No, sorry."

"Hey, I was wondering if maybe you would like go on a date sometime…with me?"

Cat's jaw dropped. Without warning she slapped him across the face. "Trina Vega is one of the sweetest people ever and I'll be darned if anyone will break her heart!"

"WE'RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!"

Cat shrieked. "Don't yell at me!"

Robbie put his hands on her shoulders. "I think I'm in love with you, please go out with me!"

Cat reached into her jean pocket and pulled out a spray of Beast Repellant. She sprayed the spray in between Robbie's nose and mouth and ran off. It was kind of obvious as Robbie fell onto the floor in the fetal position that the spray removed any taste of Trina from his mouth.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, yes more changes. I want to stick true to the plot, but to put my own spin on it. So Tori knows Charlotte's secret, Cat has met Robbie, and for you RobbieTrina fans (Tribbie as they're known) I hope you enjoyed the kiss and the fact that their sort of in a relationship. And I know Cat wasn't in a relationship with Steven, but he's the cheaty type and I already mentioned Ryder. So Cat's relationship with Steven serves as a complication, and I have something planned in the future. I also gave Lane a part because…because he's Lane, it's not good to exclude him either (he has his own slap page now).**

**Wow, I'm almost 19 years old and that is exciting to me? I need a life.**

**So yeah, the next chapter will be a double date. And that's all I have to say about that.**


	7. Charlotte Meets Cat's New Man

**I think I have inspired someone to see this movie! YAY! Now if only it was easier to access as most movie classics are these days.**

**So as I said, this will be the double date chapter. If you've seen the movie you know Dorothy has dinner and rehearses lines with Julie and Michael (who is Dorothy in disguise) considers it a date, Michael and Sandy go to some fancy party, and Dorothy goes on a date with Julie's father Les (I got rid of the father, replaced him w/ Sinjin) after spending a few days with him and Julie on their farm. Sorry for spoilers but I didn't spoil anything too big. I also remembered Julie did something with Ron the sexist director but since I made Sikowitz a nicer guy and NOT a creeper, I decided to pass Ron's qualities onto Steven for this chapter.**

**Continuing on…**

* * *

><p>Beck looked at Robbie confused. "So, how exactly are you going to date both Trina and this Sinjin dude tonight?"<p>

"I gotta stand Trina up and create some kind of excuse," Robbie explained. "I mean I can't stand Sinjin up, he'll be a third wheel. He might also possibly be really upset and hurt me."

"You're saying this Sinjin guy's a psychopath?" Robbie nodded. Beck scoffed. "Oh come on! Trina and Jade are psychopaths and you handle them pretty well."

"Okay, you noticed they're women psychopaths. But which psychopaths are most likely to go on a mass murder spree?"

"The male psychopaths." Robbie pointed as to agree with Beck. "You might be onto something. Women psychopaths usually talk about doing things like that, but they usually don't go on the massacres."

"You better hope Jade can't hear you."

"Nah! She's in our room bawling her eyes out at some movie." Loud laughter could be heard from Beck and Jade's room. "Mood swings, most likely. She has surprisingly not vomited in the mornings."

Robbie gave him a strange look. "Good for her."

"Wait a minute, you can't dump Trina tonight."

"Why not?"

"It's her birthday."

"And?"

"And what?"

"It's a good thing. If I stand her up on her birthday, in which she's paying for my dinner, she'll hate me and subsequently dump me."

"Or castrate you."

"No, that's more of a Jade thing."

"What if Trina calls you, pissed off, asking why you stood her up? Robbie, you're gonna lie."

"What?"

"You can't stand hurting people. If the truth is upsetting, you make up a lie, whether you like the person or not."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do. You do it to your parents, to you Mamaw- who by the way called again today-, to me and Jade, to Trina, heck you've even tried to lie to yourself. You even said you were gonna make up an excuse!"

"Well, I'll tell Trina the truth. I'll tell her I've got a new job and I don't have time for a relationship I don't want."

"See, that's sort of a lie right there."

"How?"

"_You_ don't have a job, Charlotte does."

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Irregardless, I'm doing something that's taking away free time, and/or time for a relationship."

"Whatever, Rob."

"Did I tell you Sikowitz has cracked down and is giving us new scripts ahead of time?"

"Nope."

"Well he is. He was so excited the show's survived getting cancelled that he decided to give out scripts early."

"Instead of giving his cast and crew gifts or taking them out for a celebratory drink of something?"

"The man's not right in the head. He's a genius, but he's not right in the head."

"Yeah, I actually read about a boost in ratings. Critics and bloggers are saying it might have something to do with you."

"Really?"

"They say you're one of the few characters on the show who isn't afraid to stand up for themself and speak their mind about the truth. I guess that was something critics must've been looking for. That, and someone older than 29."

"No one in that show looks like they're in their 30s."

"They probably designed the soap to appeal to a younger audience since the realized Emily Lange was a real ratings maker."

"Cat is lovable."

Beck nodded in agreement. "I guess you were what audiences were looking for."

"It's funny because you made Charlotte sound braver than me."

"In retrospect I think she is." Beck shuddered.

"What?"

"It's just weird to think that you're a better person as a woman who looks like my dead aunt. Oh, I just remembered something," Beck made his way to a small table in the living room area, "this letter came for Charlotte."

Robbie opened the letter. "It's a letter from _Soap Opera Digest_," Robbie read the letter. "HOLY CRAP!"

"What?"

"They wanna pay me for a six paged interview and a photoshoot this Sunday."

"How much?" Robbie removed a check from the envelope and handed it to Beck "HOLY CRAP! Is this for real?"

"It's totally legit!"

"You can buy a new apartment with this money!"

"That's not a bad idea. If you want, I can get us a three bedroom apartment close to Schneider Studios."

"Dude, you can buy a house close to Schneider Studios."

"You guys wanna move in with me?"

"Yeah that seems like a great idea."

Jade came out of her bedroom. "What seems like a good idea?"

"Charlotte has agreed to do a six page interview and photoshoot for _Soap Opera Digest_ for a large sum of money."

"How much?" Beck handed her the check. Jade whistled. "That much, huh?"

"Robbie offered to buy a house near his job and we could all move in." Jade burst into laughter. "What's so funny?"

"My dad found a dead body in his closet when he moved into his apartment. She was blonde." Jade then burst into tears.

Beck went over to her and pulled her closer. "What now?"

"She looked like the blonde bitch in the horror movie that I wanted to die, but she just wouldn't die no matter how bad I wanted her to die!" She sobbed heavier and buried her face in Beck's chest.

"Yee-ah," Robbie got a dress out of the closet. "I'm gonna go get ready and leave you two alone."

…

When Charlotte arrived at _Maestro's_, her party was already waiting for her. Cat jumped up and waved when she saw Charlotte. "HI!" she ran over to Charlotte. "Come on, I'd like you to meet someone," Cat dragged Charlotte over to her date. "Charlotte, this is Steven Carson."

"Nice to meet you," Steven shook Charlotte's hand. "Cat's told me some nice things about you, I feel like I know you too."

"Funny," Charlotte pulled her hand away first. "She's never told me anything about you really."

"Well, you two have been friends longer than I've known her."

"I've known her for about a week, maybe less."

"Ah."

"Why don't we go sit down," Cat linked her arm into Steven's and they started walking forward.

Sinjin stepped closer to Charlotte. He held out his hand. "Shall we, milady?"

"Why don't we just walk over there like normal people?"

Sinjin scoffed. "Normal people." Charlotte followed Cat and Steven to the table as Sinjin obsessively followed Charlotte. "Hey, Cat," Sinjin put his hand on Charlotte's shoulder. "I was thinking that maybe you and I should next to each other so we can gaze at our respective dates."

"Excuse you?"

Cat looked at Steven. "But I wanted to curl up to Steven."

Steven gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "It's cool, babe. I would love to spend the evening gazing at you too."

"Aww!" They seated themselves in the booth; Sinjin and Cat on the left side, and Charlotte and Steven across from their dates.

The same maître de who was at Andre's party was their server. "Goodness gracious, it's you!" He gazed at Charlotte. "I remember before you became famous you ate here at that table," he pointed to a different table. The maître de looked at Cat. "And you're also on that show."

"Hi," Cat waved.

"Can I offer you something to drink, perhaps some appetizers?"

"Can me and my cousin get some Pepsi?" Cat asked as Sinjin acknowledged himself as Cat's cousin. "We don't drink."

"Some wine for me," Steven requested.

The maître de looked at Charlotte. "And for the lady?"

"Water is fine."

"We added beer to our beverage menu after you ordered it the last time."

Charlotte looked slightly confused. "Then I'll have a beer."

"Make that a beer for me too," Steven changed his mind.

"Of course," the maître de left.

"So," Steven looked at Charlotte, "I've heard you've been getting some positive reviews as Caroline Ashley."

Charlotte shrugged. "I wouldn't know, I don't pay much attention to reviews."

"Well, you're awesome," Cat complimented.

"Thank you, Cat."

"Hey Charlotte," Sinjin began, "do you have a boyfriend? 'Cause if you did we can go on that _Love Triangle_ show and I can meet Wendy Williams."

"I do not have a boyfriend and I doubt I will."

"Aww," Cat felt sorry. 'Why?"

"Most men who are attracted to me are sexist pricks."

Steven raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"They just want a trophy woman to have sex with them, do all the cleaning and cooking, and give them sons. Then they show off their women's appearance and try to get them to talk less and go talk to her girlfriends instead of talking to other men."

"What's wrong with that?"

"A lot of things in my opinion. A woman has every right to go to work and the man can stay at home. And a woman has every right to talk to another man so long as she knows she's faithful to the man she's with."

Sinjin ogled at Charlotte. "I totally agree with you."

"A lady also has every right to break off the relationship based on those factors and find someone who is willing to accept her needs and wants and put her happiness above his own because he's truly in love with her." Cat stared at Charlotte believing every word, when in retrospect Robbie was truly professing his love to Cat while disguised as Charlotte.

"Whatever," Steven blew it off. "Look, I'm going to the bathroom," he reached into his pockets, "you guys got a quarter?"

"Really Steven? You think a place as classy as this is going to have a condom dispenser in the men's room?" Steven glared at Charlotte as he left for the bathroom. "Macho shithead," Charlotte whispered in Robbie's voice.

"My dad owns a rubber factory," Sinjin randomly stated.

"Well, good for him."

"Sinjin," Cat looked at her cousin, "maybe you should go to the bathroom now before dinner and take your medicine." Sinjin shrugged and left the table. Cat looked at Charlotte. "What do you think?"

"I think he's harmless, a bit off his rocker-"

"I meant what do you think about Steven?"

"You could do so much better."

"Huh?"

"Cat, darling, pardon my French but he's a bastard."

"You French sounded pretty English to me."

"I don't want to sound mean, but he's not right for you. He's a sexist prick, the kind I try to avoid. You know, I think I might now the perfect guy for you. This guy's name is-"

"I'm sorry, but I don't know. If we're being honest, I'm afraid to be left alone with guys right now."

"Why?"

"Well, a few days ago I went to give my friend Trina a gift and there was some crazy fan who's dating Trina-"

"-no, he's not," Charlotte muttered under her breath as Cat continued on.

"-and this guy said he was in love with me. I was really scared."

"I'm sure he was scared too. Maybe he gets nervous around the opposite sex. God knows I do."

"So do I, and so does Sinjin, and I'm sure a lot of other people do too. But this guy really scared me."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to."

"I know you might not like Steven, but he likes me, and he can protect me from guys like that."

"I'm sure that guy who approached you was harmless."

"Charlotte, were you there when it happened?"

"Oh no! No, but a similar thing happened to me when someone thought I was their dead aunt. Anyway, back to the guy I want to set you up with-"

"NO!" Cat suddenly screamed.

Charlotte's eyes widened as Cat's face turned as red as her hair. "Sorry."

"I just can't take it anymore. Tori wants to set me up with some guy, my old friend Jade wants to set me up with some guy, and now you! It's not like I don't trust you guys, but I'm comfortable with Steven, and I would like to find a relationship myself. Can you understand and respect that?"

Charlotte nodded. "Yes I can, and I'm sorry."

Steven and Sinjin returned to the booth. Steven took a seat beside Cat. "Hey, babe!" He pulled her in his arms and kissed her.

Sinjin took the empty seat beside Charlotte. He held up a condom. "They have balloons in the bathroom for a quarter." Charlotte groaned.

Meanwhile, Trina sat alone a few tables away. The same maître de waitering Charlotte's table approached Trina's table. "Is your company arriving anytime soon ma'am?"

"I'm sure he's just stuck in traffic, or something worse." Trina clasped onto her empty glass.

He sighed. "Would you care to order?"

"Can I just get another water and some of your free breadsticks?" As the maître de walked away, Trina became visibly angry and smashed the empty glass with her bare hand. An elderly couple took notice. "WHAT?" Trina screamed at them. Frightened, the elderly couple began to scarf down their food. "MORE WATER!" Trina loudly ordered in the maître de's direction.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I had a lot of trouble coming up with an idea for a double date so I came up with this chapter. I hope this was adequate. And I promise I'll bring Andre back in soon somehow.<strong>

**Other than that, I have nothing to say.**


	8. Robbie Meets Cat's New Man

**Da, Da, Da, Da, nothing to say so I'm makin' the intros up as I go.**

**Good news, I found a way to bring Andre back for this chapter. And this chapter takes place on the Saturday after the double date, and I find that you people who really like Cabbie (as I do) will enjoy this.**

**Enough delaying, I shall continue forward.**

* * *

><p>After date night on Friday, Robbie went back into his apartment (still dressed as Charlotte) to find a typical sight. "You know what; I'm not even going ask you guys this time. Enjoy having sex on my bed while you can." Robbie sat on a chair and pulled out his phone. He had a bunch of text messages and one really angry voicemail all from Trina. Robbie sighed and called her.<p>

"WHAT?" Trina was furious.

Robbie pretended to hack. "Trina [cough, cough], Trina, I'm so [cough, cough], so sorry I missed our [cough, cough, cough] date."

"God, you sound awful than usual."

"I felt a little sick but I [cough, cough, wheeze, cough] I thought I could take a nap [cough, cough] before our date ."

"And you fell asleep and lost track of time?"

By this point Robbie was thinking she didn't buy it. "I'm [cough, cough] really sorry. By the way [cough, wheeze, cough] happy [wheeze, cough] birthday."

"Thanks. Look just get better and we'll try this date thing again some other time."

She bought it! "Sorry [cough] and happy [cough, cough, wheeze], happy birthday."

"You better have an awesome present next time I see you!" Trina hung up.

"Are you coughing up a lung or something over there?" Beck asked.

"You're right," Robbie told him.

"You are coughing up a lung?"

"No. I can't hurt people so I lie."

"Did you just convince Trina you were dying?"

"Sick, not dying."

"You know, I have the same problem. I can tell someone off in person, but I can't do it over the phone, or through messaging. Video chat, yeah I can do that because I can see them."

Robbie nodded at Beck's point. "That is a good point. Maybe I can do that too."

"No, you can't do that. Face it Rob, you're soft, and you do what people tell you to do unless it's illegal."

"I do not!"

"Can you get me a beer?"

"Sure." Robbie went to the fridge and got him and Beck a beer. "Heads up!" He tossed the can to Beck.

"Thanks." Beck opened his beer and chugged some of it down. "See, you do what people say. You've gotta have some sort of limits like I do."

"Hey!" Jade sat up, "shut up and do me."

"Alright," Beck set the beer on the floor and went back to his previous business.

"Limits, huh?" Robbie sat back in the chair and tried to watch TV. Beck and Jade's sounds of lovemaking didn't help. "I'm going to watch TV in your room." Beck gave him a thumbs up. "Try not to make animal noises again." Robbie shut the door and plopped down on Beck and Jade's bed. "Wow, this bed is really hard. No wonder it was cheap." His cell phone rang. "Hello."

"How's my favorite moneymaker?"

"Andre?"

"Yeah. Do you know how much money you're raking in?"

"I assume you got your percentage from my photo deal this Sunday?"

"Yeah. I also was informed of the terms of this interview and photoshoot."

"Terms?"

"Yeah, I have to go with you to approve the negotiations because I'm your agent. Aside from your solo interview and photoshoot, you've got to shoot some more interviews, publicity photos, and promos to shoot at Schneider Studios with the cast that same day for other various magazines and all that jazz. Why do you think that was such a large amount of money? By the way, don't spend any of it until after Sunday."

"I know that."

"What were you going to do with your giant check?"

"By at least a three bedroom house near Schneider Studios. Maybe get a new bed or two, and a crib at least. Did Jade tell you she was pregnant?"

"To be honest, I kinda thought she was when I saw her standing in that pink dress, or she had gained some weight. But I wasn't gonna say anything."

"So why are you calling me again?"

"I was wondering if you were free to spend some time with me tomorrow."

"Why? I'm obviously spending some time with you on Sunday."

"No, you as _Charlotte_ is spending time with me on Sunday. I was wondering if you as you would spend some time with me tomorrow."

"Well, sure. I'd be glad to."

"Great. I'll come by and pick you up because you have no car." Andre hung up.

…

Andre arrived around three in the afternoon as Robbie was exiting the bathroom. "You guys have fun fornicating on my bed," this was Robbie's way of bidding his roommates goodbye.

Beck must've had his lips free from Jade's because he managed to say, "Will do!"

"Try not to swallow each other," Robbie exited the apartment and made his way to the elevator as an exasperated Lane stood waiting.

"Hey, Robbie, have you seen my shoes."

"Lane, maybe you should start leaving them inside your apartment."

"No way, I hate the smell of my shoes after I wear them."

"Okay then." The elevator opened and Robbie and Lane entered.

"Robbie can I ask you something about your friend Beck?"

"Sure, what?"

"Is he bisexual?"

"No."

"Just between us; I saw him leaving the elevator carrying women's clothing and a wig."

"Maybe it's a job."

"Whatever it is, it gave me a nightmare. I pictured Beck in those clothes with that wig and he looked like my late ex-girlfriend Susan." Lane shuddered.

"I DO NOT-" Robbie realized what he started to say, "-know what you're talking about." As soon as the elevator opened, Robbie hurried out of there and into Andre's car parked out front.

"You okay?" Andre noticed Robbie looked angry.

"I don't wanna talk about it!"

"Damn man, you more emotional as a man than a woman."

Robbie quickly changed topics. "Where are we going?"

"I thought we could go catch a movie, get some dinner, maybe do something involving sports."

"We both hate sports."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But we's guys, and guys like sports."

"Not all guys. And please don't say 'we's' the term is 'we're', that never sounds right."

"Don't crush my style, Robbie." Andre began driving toward the movies. "Hey, did you put a good word in for Tori?"

"That reminds me, Tori knows my secret. She answered my phone while you were talking- by the way, give someone time to respond to make sure it's them- and she said you sounded cute."

"She likes my voice?" Andre cleared his throat and tried to sound more deep and mysterious. "I mean, so, she likes my voice."

"But the offer for you two to go out never came up."

"Oh."

"I mean, I can try again."

"Please do."

"Tell me; are you in love with Tori or what?"

"I want to meet her to make sure it's love and not a hopeless devotion."

"More like an obsession."

"How about you? Are you in love with Tori?"

"No."

"Are you in love with anybody?"

Robbie looked out the window. "To be honest…I don't know."

"Please tell me it's not Trina."

"Oh God no!"

"Who is it?"

"I'll tell you when you see her."

"I'm gonna meet her?"

"You'll see her on Sunday."

"It's Cat Valentine."

"Damn, you're good."

"Yeah, I am. Why don't you pursue a relationship? You should ask Tori to set her up with you."

"But she's in a relationship with Steven, and I think Sinjin's going to pursue a relationship with Charlotte. And I did try to get Tori to set up a relationship."

"Hold up, who's Sinjin?"

"Cat's creepy cousin. We went on a double date; Cat and Steven, Sinjin and Me."

"Will I see _him_ tomorrow?"

"Hopefully not."

"Why don't you tell me more about Cat?"

Robbie did as Andre requested, rambling on and on even as Andre pulled into the movie theatre twenty minutes later. "And then her hair, it's like red velvet cupcakes. Plus her eyes, her eyes are so-"

"I GET IT!" Andre unbuckled his seatbelt. "And you say I obsess over Tori?"

"Cat's never going to want to go out with me anyway. I kind of…I kind of pissed her off."

"As Charlotte?"

"As me."

"What'd you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I'd rather not talk about," Robbie noticed a petite redhead standing in front of the movie theatre, "Cat?"

"You said that as if it was a question."

"Andre, go wait inside, I'll be with you in a minute."

"Please don't tell me you're going to ask her out."

"This might be my last chance to make amends for what happened last time. Could you please wait inside?"

"This will not end well," Andre sighed and enter the cinema.

Robbie headed over to Cat. "Cat?"

Cat shrieked and tried to back away. "You stay away from me!" She pulled out her beast repellant.

"NO! Sorry, I just…I just wanted to apologize for the last time we met."

"You really scared me."

"I'm sorry. I'm harmless, really. I was just so starstruck meeting you and I wasn't really thinking. I just freak out when I meet someone as awesome and good-looking as you."

Cat giggled. "Thanks."

"Would you like to see a movie with me and my friend? My treat?"

"Sorry, I'm waiting for someone."

"Bring her along."

"I'm waiting for my friend Steven."

"Oh. Well, why don't you come wait inside…with me?"

"Sure. I'm Cat by the way."

"I know."

"Oh right," they both laughed.

"I'm Robbie."

"Robbie Shapiro?"

"You've heard of me."

Cat laughed. "This is so weird; you're the guy my friends are trying to set me up with!"

"Really? Wow, that is kinda weird. So maybe you and I could see the movie?"

"Sorry Robbie, you seem like a nice guy, but the Steven I'm meeting is my…boyfriend."

"Oh. Well, why don't you come inside and wait with me anyway? I just don't want you to wait out here alone and be mobbed by a bunch of creepy people."

"Um, sure." Robbie held the door for her. "Thank you." The two walked side by side and sat at a bench. As Cat looked at her phone, Robbie looked at Andre who was waiting in line. Andre looked at him and gestured for Robbie to join him. Robbie gestured for Andre to go without him. The two got into a nonverbal gesturing argument until Cat made a noise. "Steven says he can't make it."

"That sucks. Would you like to see a movie with me and my friend?"

"Sure." Cat put her phone away.

Robbie led Cat to where Andre was standing. "Andre, this is Cat Valentine."

"I know," Andre shook her hand. "I love the way you portray your character on _Central Hearts and Minds_."

"Thank you."

"Can you set me up with Tori Vega?"

"Andre!" Robbie protested.

"You can't blame a guy for trying."

Cat giggled. "You're funny. What movie are we seeing?"

"We?"

"I invited Cat to see the movie with us," Robbie explained.

Andre looked at Cat. "And you said yes?"

Cat looked upset. "You don't want me to go?"

"I was thinking that maybe I can see the movie I really wanted to see and you can take Cat to the movie we were going to see."

"Well if it's just going to be me and Cat I might as well take her to the movie she wants to see," Robbie suggested.

Cat squealed with delight. "I want to see that new romantic movie, _Love, Romance, and Tears_."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Andre dissuaded receiving strange looks from Robbie and Cat, "I heard it's a bad movie. Why don't you and Robbie go see a comedy and I'll see a movie with action and white women with huge boobs."

"How pleasant Andre," Robbie led Cat to the box office.

Andre went over to the box office on the other side. He lowered himself toward the ticket seller. "I need one ticket for _Love, Romance, and Tears_."

Robbie and Cat walked toward the concession stand. "So, is this like a date?" Cat asked.

Robbie paid for the snacks. "Yeah, yeah I think it is."

"You are a really nice guy, Robbie. Now I wish I had accepted the offers to go out with you before I met Steven." Robbie noticed something very interesting in another direction. "What is it?"

"This Steven guy you're going out with, he isn't Steven Carson from that other soap opera is he?"

"Did the tabloids break the story about us going out?"

"So you are dating Steven Carson?"

"Yeah, why?"

Robbie looked at Steven making out with a dark haired girl and took a deep breath. "Nothing, I was just curious."

Cat turned around and took notice at what Robbie noticed. She let out an upset squeak. Steven heard this familiar squeak and looked at her. Steven's other girlfriend (who bore some resemblance to Carly Shay from _iCarly_) also looked at her. Cat stomped over to Steven as Robbie followed carrying the snacks. "Steven you...you…SKUNKBAG!"

"I can explain," Steven lied.

"I can too!" instead of being sad, Cat was angry. "We're through. It's nice to know you've found someone so quickly."

Steven's girl slapped him. "You told me you had already broken up!"

Steven turned red. "Well, Carly, I sort of-" Carly stormed off. "Carly!"

"Don't worry Steven," Cat smiled. "I've moved on too." She pulled Robbie closer (causing him to drop all of the snacks) and locked her lips with his lips with such a fiery passion. As Steven watched in upset, Robbie unconsciously lowered his hands around her waist as Cat wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I GET IT!" Steven walked off.

Robbie pulled away for a second. "I think he's gone."

"Why'd you stop?" She asked.

"Um, Cat…I think that this is-" she proceeded to kiss him again as a crowd (some of them with cameras) gathered around.

Once Cat pulled away (and the crowd as well) she took him by the hand. "Should we go see the movie now?"

Robbie seemed to be in some sort of daze. "I'm sorry, where am I?"

…

Robbie would not stop humming as Andre drove home. "ENOUGH WITH THE HUMMING!" Andre tried to shut him up.

"Sorry, I'm just in such a good mood," Robbie took a closer look at Andre. "Andre, have you been crying?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

Robbie shrugged it off. "So _Maestro's_ lets you in for half price if you agree to perform?"

"Yep," Andre pulled into _Maestro's _parking lot. "They're pretty cool here. They treat people of importance like royalty."

The same maître de led them to a table near the stage. "So good to see you Mr. Harris. May I offer you your usual drink?"

"Thank you very much Roger."

"And for your friend?" Roger had a sort of change in interest when referring to Robbie.

"Um, can I have a beer?" Robbie requested.

"Sir, we are a place of class; we do not serve beer."

"A Pepsi's fine," Robbie swore that Roger scoffed him as he walked off. "What a tool! He'll serve Charlotte beer." Andre was too distracted by his phone to care. "Thanks for the interest, Andre."

"Uh-huh," Andre's eyes widened. "Uh, Robbie…does Trina follow any of the cast of _Central Hearts and Minds_?"

"I don't know. Why'd you ask?"

"See, I follow the show and get news alerts about the cast and stuff." Andre handed Robbie his phone. "Here's some stuff."

Robbie's jaw dropped. "Someone put a video of me and Cat making out on the internet!"

"So I assume you had fun at the movies tonight?"

The video continued on as the person filming the video caught Andre looking around in fear before entering Theatre 8. "Hey Andre, are you going into the theatre showing _Love, Romance, and Tears_?" Andre snatched his phone away and put it in his pocket. Robbie laughed. "That would explain why you were crying."

"My action movie was pretty awesome that the explosions brought tears to my eyes."

"Not buying it."

"Damn."

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, yes, this was again not in the movie; but Julie and Michael did meet before the reveal and she sprayed a drink in his face, so consider that the equivalent to the beast repellant scene. I had to include some serious Cabbie and this will totally play a part in the chapter with the reveal (God knows when that will be, I'm kinda winging this). So I hope this was tolerable. <strong>

**The next chapter will be the photoshoot, promos, interviews, blah, blah, blah, and Andre will finally meet Tori. Plus I'll be bringing back Rex and I can work in Sikowitz. **

**I'm just not sure how much longer this will go til, but I'm sure it's sticking somewhat true to the plot (I'm not going to make it exactly like the movie) while keeping consistent with **_**Victorious**_** and the characters. So stick with me til the end please and I'll try to make this as decent as possible while keeping consistent with two different schemes.**


	9. An Invite, Photshoot, and Fantasy Idea

**No intro again, jumping right into it.**

* * *

><p>Robbie came back from his dinner with Andre to find Jade and Beck at separate ends of the apartment. "Wow, you're not screwing each other. What gives?"<p>

"I just thought that maybe too much sex isn't good for our unborn child," Beck explained. "That, and she kept getting up to pee every twenty minutes or so."

"You try having a baby on your bladder!" Jade defended. "I just wanted the sex."

"Okay, I'm uncomfortable; new topic please," Robbie joined Beck in the kitchenette. "Did I tell you I'm in love?"

"Please tell me it's not Trina," Beck pleaded.

"No, it's not Trina." Robbie showed Beck his phone.

Beck did a double take. "Is that you making out with Cat Valentine at the movies?"

"Yuperooni." Robbie got himself a beer. "See, her boyfriend Steven was there making out with some skanky brunette who looked like the chick from iCarly, and Cat wanted to make him jealous. So, she made the first move and we made out."

"You did give her your number right?"

"Shit! I knew I forgot something." Robbie then remembered something else important. "I can't give her my number; it's also Charlotte's number. She can easily access Charlotte's number and call it looking for Charlotte." Robbie's cell phone rang. "This might be her now."

"Do you recognize the caller ID?"

"No."

"Answer it or I'll shove it up your ass!" Jade commanded.

"Bossy aren't we," Robbie answered his phone. "Hello." There was no response on the other end. "I guess they already hung up," Robbie put his phone back into his pocket.

"Whoever it was probably wanted to invite you to a party at some chick name Christine's new place," Jade threw an open envelope at Robbie. "But I doubt it because you have no friends."

"You read my mail?"

"I needed to find some way to entertain myself. And if I read the letter correctly it's for Charlotte. The Christine check also sent pictures of her new place, it has a balcony."

"Really?"

"Which is good for pushing people off." Jade went to the kitchen to get some coffee.

"What are you doing?" Beck stopped her.

"I'm thirsty."

"You can't have coffee!"

"Eat me."

Beck took the coffee and dumped it into the sink. "Get some water."

"Eww, why?"

"Jade!"

"Oh right, the thing inside my body," she rolled her eyes, "the bastard."

"I asked you to marry me and you said no!"

"When did I say that?"

"Every time I ask you to marry me!"

Robbie read over the letter. "Hey, Christine's allowing Charlotte to bring a guest. I figured Cat's gonna be there so maybe I can bring one of you guys."

"When's the party?"

"Saturday."

"No can do." Beck turned to Jade. "I signed Jade and me up for some birthing classes." Jade stared daggers at Beck and smashed the water bottle in her hands.

"Um, okay. I guess I'll just throw away the invitation."

"You can invite Trina," Jade suggested.

Beck nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you could."

"Guys, it's Trina," Robbie reminded. "Taking Trina to a place like that is like both a date and a disaster…a datesaster."

"I read the letter," Jade informed, "and looked at the pictures. Christine's place is huge and she's inviting the entire cast and important crew members, and those people can bring a friend."

"You can take Trina there, ditch her, hang out with Cat, and then later leave with Trina." Beck explained his idea.

"I can't take Trina there when I'm dressed as Charlotte," Robbie reminded.

"Go as Robbie. It's going to be so crowded that no one's gonna care. When they see you with Cat, they'll think Cat invited you."

"What if someone sees me leave with Trina?"

"Make something up, you've lied before."

"Put something in Trina's drink," Jade slyly smiled.

"Do you need a time out?"

"I think I need a spanking."

"HELLO!" Robbie pointed to himself. "I AM STILL HERE!"

"No one cares."

"I care! Anything sex related between you and Beck is uncomfortable. I can't wait until we get a house and we get some space."

"Hey, some of that money is going to my play," Jade reminded.

"You still want to put on _Love Canal_?"

"We can afford it now."

"Shouldn't we wait until after you're not pr-" she glared at him. "-carrying that thing in your stomach?"

"Eat me!"

"Excuse him for looking out for the interest of you and our bastard child," Beck sarcastically apologized.

…

The next morning, Robbie was up at six, ready by 7:30, and out the door as Charlotte by 7:45 in Beck's car. Charlotte drove to the Los Angelos headquarters of _Soap Opera Digest_, took some photos while waiting for Andre, and conducted an interview once Andre arrived.

As soon as that was all done, Andre and Charlotte had some time for lunch before they had to be at Schneider Studios at 3:15.

"I gotta say," Andre swallowed his Big Mac, "I'm impressed with the backstory you created. How long did it take?"

"I thought about it last night, jotted it all down, and went over key things," Charlotte answered in his natural voice. "Interests and favorites of Charlotte's are also interests and favorites of mine, so that part was easier. The height is also mine, the weight is also mine, but the age is-"

"Excuse me," a middle aged woman approached the table. "I'm sorry to impose but I recognize you from my favorite soap opera and I was wondering if I could get your autograph."

Charlotte chuckled and autographed the napkin the lady handed her. "Here you go."

"Thank you; and may I say I love the way you tackle your issues and stand up for yourself and your new friends."

"Thank you." Charlotte smiled at Andre as the lady walked away. "I'm famous."

"How many episodes aired with you in them?"

"Just the one on Friday," Charlotte answered in his normal voice. "But you know, I got buzz. See, whenever we film an episode, we send it to the FCC to make sure it's ok. And we also send it to our network head Lisa Daniels so she can send it to the publicity team."

"Does the publicity team send footage to magazines?"

"Yeah. That's how _Soap Opera Digest_ found out about me. We sent them the one episode I taped, the next day I get both a letter in the mail and an e-mail asking that I come.

"When did you audition again?"

"The Thursday before this past Thursday. I filmed my first episode Wednesday, Tori discovered my secret Thursday when I filmed my second episode, my first episode aired Friday after hearing that our show has been saved because of me, and they didn't even see me act yet. Now that they have, they know how epic Charlotte is. Yeah, it all works out. Friday was also the night I had to date Sinjin."

"When did you tell me you got the job again?"

"Last week exactly. I guess Charlotte's pretty popular."

"I find it funny that you're better off as a woman than a man."

"Ironically my parents wanted a girl, but they said I would do. I never quite accepted their sarcasm. I guess after being Charlotte, I can tolerate things better."

"You're just a better woman in general."

"Oh ha, ha. At least as a man I'm comfortable to admit if I saw a romance movie on my own."

"You ain't gonna let me live that down are you?"

…

Andre and Charlotte entered the studios where they were greeted by a jubilant Cat. "Charlotte, I have something to tell you!" Cat looked at Andre. "I saw you at the movies yesterday with someone else."

"Yeah," Andre calmly looked at Cat, "my friend Robbie. I'm Charlotte's agent, Andre Harris," he and Cat shook hands. "Hey I've been meaning to ask you how things went between you two?"

"Fine," Cat smiled and pulled Charlotte away. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"About Andre at the movies?" Charlotte pretended not to understand.

"No, about me at the movies! He had a friend with him, the one who scared me a while back. But his friend, Robbie, was really, really amazing."

"Robbie Shapiro?"

Cat giggled. "Were you trying to set me up with him too?"

"Too? Who else wanted to set you up with him?"

"My friends Tori and Jade wanted to set us up too."

"Huh, what a coincidence. To be honest, I thought you two were compatible with each other and he's someone I know that you and I can trust."

"Well, someone took a picture of us making out at the movies."

"I'm sure that must've been…pleasant."

"I felt a little uncomfortable, then I remembered Steven and I aren't together, and then I felt so much better about Robbie."

"Good for you!"

"Oh, did you get an invite to Christine's party?" Charlotte nodded. "I was going to invite him and introduce you two," Cat's face fell, "but you already know each other. Phooey."

"Oh honey, don't invite him."

"Why not? Didn't you just say that-"

"I mean I'm askin' him to go for me."

"Aww, why?"

"I can't go that night, I made other plans. I was going to give him the invite and have you two meet there. I had no idea you were already in a relationship."

"I don't know if we are."

"Well, it sounds like you are."

"We didn't even trade numbers, that's like the sure sign of a relationship."

"Ask him for his number at the party."

"But who's gonna be my extra guest?"

"Did Sinjin get invited?"

"No."

"Bring him."

"He wanted me to invite Robbie so that you could invite him and you two could spend time together."

"Either way, he'll still go."

"True, but I wonder who else Robbie would bring."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He had an invite for himself and a guest; I'm bringing Sinjin."

"Maybe he'll go stag."

Cat giggled. "He can't bring a stag."

"No, I meant he'll go alone."

"Oh." Cat smiled. "I can't wait to see Robbie again. I think he's just like you."

"Really?"

"Except, he's a guy...and not in his 30's."

"Cat," Sikowitz ran over to her, "the photographer is requesting you for a photo. And also, I seem to have forgotten my pants."

"Sikowitz, you're wearing your pants," Charlotte pointed to his leg.

"Am I?" Sikowitz looked down. "Hmm, that's the last time I mix coconut milk in my _Trix _cereal. Always drink it from the coconut, never mix it with food." Cat giggled and skipped over to the photographer. "She seems happier than she's ever been in a while."

"Does she?"

"Only a relationship or the return of _Head of the Class _can make someone extremely happy."

"What's _Head of the Class_?"

"Some television show in the 80's that I've never heard of. By the way, you're script is in your dressing room. Dressing rooms are open today because we will be changing outfits."

"I would have assumed so."

"I have expanded your role a bit more. You are a hit with the affiliates, the audience, and my unicorn."

"You have a unicorn?"

"Nope."

"Sikowitz, how did you ever become a director for a soap opera?"

"I have a degree in theatre and acting. Plus I passed their drug test."

"They give soap opera directors drug tests?"

"Nope." Sikowitz walked away.

"Weird," Robbie commented in his own voice as he went to the dressing room still dressed as Charlotte. "Whoa!"

Tori was once again partially naked. "Oh relax, Robbie, you've seen me like this before."

"Sorry."

"Robbie, a little red-haired birdy told me about the best date of her life."

"She probably only told you 'cause you tried to set her up with me."

"Yes, she did. But Cat desperately wanted to tell Charlotte."

"I know."

"Is Cat going to invite Robbie to Christine's housewarming party?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Charlotte's not going so I am attending as myself with my friend Andre."

"Uh…"

"Uh what?"

"I met Andre and _I_ invited him to Christine's party."

"Damn."

"You can invite Trina."

"Beck and Jade said the same thing!"

"Well, you and Trina are technically in a relationship. Since she tried to pay for your last date, this one will be your treat. You owe her."

"I did ditch her on her birthday when she offered to pay."

"Yeah, what gives?"

"Charlotte was on a double date with Cat and her ex-boyfriend Steven."

"Who was Charlotte with?"

"Sinjin."

"You picked Sinjin over Trina?"

"No, I chose Cat over Sinjin and Trina."

"But Charlotte wasn't going to be with Cat."

"Yeah, but still...it's Cat."

"Aww," Tori swooned, "you love Cat."

"God help me I do. It's hard not to fall in love with her!"

Tori nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, even I'd go lesbian for her." Charlotte, thinking like his true self smiled. "Keep dreaming, Robbie."

"It'd be hot."

"Robbie!"

"Just sayin'. It would make for a nice episode too."

An assistant knocked on the door. "Come in!"

She peered her head through the door. "They need you two for group shots."

"Thanks," Tori thanked the assistant. "Well, I need to change. Why don't you get on over there and tell 'em I'm on my way."

"Yup." Charlotte turned around, "and if you seriously consider that lesbian thing-"

"No, Robbie!"

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

…

Charlotte stood waiting until needed when someone started sniffing her. "Sinjin, is that you?"

"Nope," Rex stepped to her side. "You smell like a man, you know that?"

"Do I?"

"I like that in a woman. You know, I do like my North Ridge Girls, but uh," Rex chuckled, "I could make an exception for you."

"Excuse you?"

"You ain't like a lot of the other girls."

"No, I'm not."

"I like a change, someone who's different."

"Please hit on someone else Rex."

"You see; like my alter ego Johnny Brewster, I've charmed all of the ladies of Southwest General except for you."

"You abruptly kissed me after we shot our first scene together." Rex chuckled in agreement. "Look, Rex, you seem cool and all, but I'm seeing someone else."

"I do not believe you."

Charlotte sighed. "Rex, get out of my face or I'll knee you in the balls."

"I can't say I didn't try…and I can't say I won't try again."

Andre and Tori walked over to Charlotte. "Did Rex try to hit on you?" Tori inquired.

"Why didn't you tell me he was exactly like the character he played?"

"Because I thought he wouldn't hit on you."

"You are kind of an ugly woman," Andre commented.

"Hey!" Charlotte (and Robbie) was offended.

"Andre, Charlotte is a nice-looking woman!" Tori defended.

"Thank you Tori."

"People don't even suspect she could be a man."

"Thank you Tori," this response was more sarcastic.

"Rex usually tries to go for younger girls though."

"Again, thank you Tori."

"Tori, Charlotte," the assistant approached them, "the photographer's asking that we shoot a pic of the women on the show before snapping pics of individuals."

Tori and Charlotte went over to where the other actresses were waiting. Cat waved. "Charlotte, Tori, come stand by me!"

Tori looked at Charlotte. "No lesbian fantasy," she whispered.

"Can you read my thoughts or something?" Charlotte questioned back in her accurate voice.

…

After spending hours at the studios shooting promos, taking pictures, and conducting interviews, Charlotte (and Robbie) were tired. Somewhere along the way Tori and Andre struck up more than a friendship and were going to head to Andre's place without Charlotte. However, since Charlotte did not have a ride, Andre had to do the right thing and drop Charlotte off at the apartment.

"I'm home," Robbie entered the apartment to find Beck and Jade watching TV. "This is a shocker; you're not making more babies on my bed."

"She cracked down at let me take her to the doctor," Beck explained. "The doctor said it's not a good idea to have sex for a while. He also gave her a bad food list."

"Guess what was number one," Jade sarcastically questioned as she reached for a water bottle.

"Did you guys find out the sex?" Robbie inquired.

"I wanted to be surprised," Beck told him.

"It's a bastard daughter," Jade pointedly stated.

Beck groaned in annoyance. "Why do that?"

"I can't have coffee, sex, and I'm forced to go to birthing classes; I'm ruining something for you too."

"Congratulations on the daughter," Robbie headed for the fridge.

"Thank you," Beck thanked. "Hey can you do us a favor?"

"What?"

"See, Lane's sister just had a baby and his sister's in a tight spot and needs Lane to babysit on Friday."

"But Lane was smart and already made plans," Jade added.

"Of course, I happened to be nearby and I volunteered us to watch Lane's nephew, Luke, this Friday."

"And you want my help watching someone else's kid?" Robbie asked.

"You like babies, don't you, Robbie?" Jade questioned.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then you'll help us."

"What if I have plans on Friday?"

"You have scenes to shoot on Friday afternoon," Beck reminded.

"But not Friday night when we're watching the kid," Jade added.

"Shooting might go longer than anticipated," Robbie suggested.

"Could you please help us out with this?" Beck asked.

Robbie groaned. "Fine!"

"Thank you." Beck turned to Jade. "Now why did you spoil the sex?"

"Because we can't have any sex," she replied back.

"Would you guys please stop talking about sex in front of me?" Robbie requested. "God, and I thought kissing Rex was awkward."

* * *

><p><strong>So I've got a sort of setup and I spoiled the sex of Beck and Jade's baby. For you Tandre fans, there's some Tandre. I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be Friday, then the chapter after that will be Christine's party, and I have a nice treat for after the chapter after that which I couldn't take out of the movie and am including in my fanfic.<strong>

**GRRR I have nothing to say. It's like I'm on a high from Sunday's Leverage (epic episode to an EPIC television series) and Victorious isn't really exciting to me right now. That'll probably change after I watch Locked Up or something and get an explanation as to why Robbie was in bed with the girls when that guy flew through the window. My dad asked, "Isn't this supposed to be a kid's show?" My sister replied, "I guess kids like seeing a guy and girl in bed." I just stayed out of it, I'm sure there's a pretty APPROPRIATE reason why Robbie was in the girl's bed.**

**DID YOU KNOW: **_**Head of the Class **_**is a 1980's sitcom. The show featured a young Dan Schneider in the cast as Dennis. Through this show, Dan acted alongside Brian Robbins (producer of **_**All That**_**) and Dan Frischman (Chris from **_**Kenan & Kel**_**). Kinda makes you wish you were friends with Dan Schneider doesn't it?**


	10. The Weekend from Hell

**So…it was suggested I talk about pie in the intro. I don't really like pie…but I like songs about pie. My sexual minded cousin was the first to inform me pie is slang for a certain female body part. Pie is not to be confused with pi which is 3.14 whatever whatever whatever and has a funny symbol. Once in 8****th**** grade I won a raffle to pie our evil assistant principal in his face because it's funny when people get pied in the face. That's all I have to say about pie.**

**Apparently **_**ArchxAngel**_** is my best buddy…YAY I'M LIKED! **_**RubberDucky911**_** and **_**jackpotdante**_**, you guys and/or girls (I don't know for sure) are cool too thanks for as my sister says "stalking this story" I appreciate that and I like you too, I hope you like me in return.**

**Making the chapters longer…ooh I don't know I thought they were already but that's because Microsoft word is a lot. But because I like making people happy (with the exception of myself for some reason) I thought about making this chapter slightly longer, and I think I did, but I'll let you be the judges of that. And for those who want see a long chapter from me; I wrote a fairy tale with the Cabbie ship (appropriately titled **_**A Cabbie Fairy Tale**_**). I remember **_**RubberDucky911**_** read it, but if others haven't…it's one extremely long chapter and that took me days to finish and it might take you days to read.**

**Enough about that, let's focus on **_**this**_** fanfic. I decided to type out a filmed soap opera scene, a short little snippet for Friday night, some party snippets from Saturday, and a...kind of sad ending.**

* * *

><p>Friday at Schneider Studios, Cat, Tori, and Charlotte were sitting on the set of what appeared to be the backyard of a mansion (most likely Caroline Ashley's). Tori went over her script in disbelief over something as Cat sat there fidgeting.<p>

Charlotte took notice. "Are you alright, Cat?"

Cat looked up at Charlotte. "Hmm…I guess."

"Something on your mind?" Cat bit her lip and looked around as if she was hiding something. "Or someone?"

"I'm just really nervous about the kiss."

"Kiss? Am I missing something?"

"The kiss on this page," Tori passed Charlotte her script.

Charlotte looked for her character name. "It's a conversation between Kimberly and Emily," Charlotte kept reading, "followed by a kiss between the two." Charlotte winked at Tori. "A little Kimberly and Emily action, huh?"

"Sikowitz didn't tell you?" Tori smiled. "Caroline's kissing Emily."

"What?"

"I talked to Sikowitz and the writers, and convinced it would make more sense if Caroline was a lesbian. Why else would she ignore the advances of Johnny Brewster?"

Rex walked by chuckling. "And I agreed."

"But…" Charlotte tried to find a loophole, "…but Emily's not a lesbian."

"That's why it's a onetime kiss."

"Did they get Cat's approval?"

Cat nodded. "I thought it would be better kissing you anyway because I feel more comfortable with you, but it's still kinda nervewracking"

"Good to know."

"Besides, it's not real," Tori reminded, "it's just acting."

Charlotte glared at Tori before turning to Cat. "Excuse me, I have to talk to some people." Charlotte went behind some set pieces and pulled out a cell phone.

Tori's phone rang. Not knowing the caller ID, Tori still answered anyway. "Hello?"

"Why did you do that?" Robbie was whispering.

Tori groaned and excused herself from Cat. "Look, the writers thought it would be a good idea to try something different, something all people can enjoy."

"They suggested you and Cat first!"

"Yes, because our characters are good friends, like Cat and me. But it would make more sense to make your character a lesbian."

"Yes it would, but-"

"I thought you wanted to kiss Cat."

"As a man! Tori, Cat has kissed me as me. If she puts her lip to Charlotte, she's gonna notice something's off!"

"Oops…I forgot about the picture of you guys making out. I'm really sorry."

"I've got a plan, I'm going to go talk to Sikowitz about it." Charlotte hung up the phone and went over to Sikowitz. "Sikowitz, can I talk to you about the kiss?"

Sikowitz looked confused. "When did we ever kiss?"

"No, I meant between Caroline and Emily."

"Oh yes; we've added a few changes. Namely, you're character's a lesbian."

"Did you do this to save the show from getting cancelled?"

"The writers thought of this to keep the show fresh so there's no chance of us getting cancelled," Sikowitz was serious, "if our show's close to being cancelled, we may have to pull a 'save our show' fundraiser episode with a live broadcast filled with even more twists and surprises."

"Have you done one before?"

"Yes, and knowing how Rex never memorizes his scripts and needs the cue cards…where was I going with this?"

"Look, I'm uncomfortable kissing another woman, it's the way I was raised."

"Then how are you planning to avoid the kiss between Caroline and Emily?"

"I have an idea, one that ties into what I was supposed to say when the kiss was done."

Sikowitz listened to Charlotte's idea. He sighed. "Alright. CAT, TORI!" He called over the other two actresses and explained the change. "Are we clear?" The other two nodded. "Alright, let's film this." The actresses took their places on the set as Sikowitz seated himself comfortably in his beanbag director's chair. "Alright…ACTION!"

Caroline (Charlotte) began sipping tea as Emily (Cat) ate a scone. Kimberly (Tori) seemed to be looking around in awe. "Caroline, this place is just too awesome."

Caroline set down her tea and chuckled. "It is, isn't it? This was the house my father bought for his mistress before she broke off their relationship. Having spent the money on this place he decided to make it a summer home before leaving this estate to me in his will."

"It really is a lovely home," Emily commented.

"Thank you, sweetie. Would you ladies care for a tour of the gardens?"

Emily looked at Kimberly, and Kimberly looked at Caroline and nodded. "Yeah, I think that sounds nice."

Caroline stood up and beckoned for the other two to follow her. "You ladies will love this." Caroline led the tour, complete with useless information about the fake garden, until Kimberly's phone rang. "Who is it, dear?"

Kimberly looked at her phone. "It's the police station. You guys mind going ahead and I'll come find you afterwards?"

"Not at all." Caroline turned to Emily. "Emily, hon, can I show you my special spot in this garden?"

"Sure." Caroline took Emily's hand and led her to a flowered entrance to a marble fountain. "Wow," Emily breathed, "this is a beautiful spot." She sat down at the fountain.

"Isn't it?" Caroline sat beside. "It seems more beautiful with you here."

Emily stifled a laugh. "You're just saying that."

Caroline scooted closer and looked into Emily's eyes. "I mean it." She was about to lean in for a kiss when Emily put her hand on Caroline's face.

"Caroline, I'm not-"

"I know."

"I can't do this."

"No one will ever know."

"I just can't." Emily found herself staring back at Caroline and leaning closer.

"GUYS!" Kimberly ran into the clearing where Emily and Caroline were. Emily and Caroline quickly put some distance between themselves before Kimberly noticed. "There you are!"

"What's wrong?"

"Johnny's been arrested and for some reason he used his one phone call for me. Emily, you're my ride here; I need you to come bail him out with me."

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Emily watched as Kimberly left. "I gotta go."

Caroline stood up and put her hands on Emily's shoulders. "I'm sorry; you're a good girl, and I should just accept that I'll only be your friend." Caroline kissed Emily's cheek. "Now go bail Johnny Brewster's ass out of jail."

"Bye." Emily started to leave as Caroline sat down at the fountain slightly upset. Before exiting the clearing, Emily turned back around to get a look at Caroline and sighed before moving forward.

"CUT!" Sikowitz yelled. He made his way over to Charlotte. "Have you considered writing?"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that good," Charlotte protested.

"Yes it was!" Cat defended.

"I suspect fans will now start making YouTube videos with video editing programs of this 'ship'." Sikowitz put his hand to his chin. "Perhaps they will dub the ship Emiline; it sounds so much better than Caroly." Cat and Charlotte exchanged glances and giggled.

Tori interjected herself into the conversation. "I'd be the first to favorite a fanvid on SplashFace."

"Come on guys," Charlotte seemed somewhat embarrassed. "I'm not that popular."

"On the contrary," Sikowitz took a moment to sip some coconut milk, "since Caroline Ashley came to Southwest General, ratings for the show have gone up. Caroline's one character we rarely have to write for because Charlotte here changes her lines constantly."

"You should give her writing credit," Cat suggested.

"Cat!" Charlotte didn't like this idea "No, no I just do what I feel the character would do and say what I think she'd say."

"Hmm," Sikowitz drank some coconut milk. "If Charlotte's willing to stay for at least another hour to help contribute some story ideas with the entire writing staff we'd be willing to give her credit."

"Oh, I don't know."

"Plus a bonus for working overtime."

"Well, when you put it that way." Charlotte's statement made Cat giggle.

"Great! We've got two more scenes to shoot before going over scripts so occupy your time until otherwise. Might I suggest watching home movies of my wedding?"

Cat swooned. "Aww Sikowitz I didn't know you got married."

"I didn't." He walked away drinking his milk.

"The man is not right in the head," Tori walked off.

Cat turned to Charlotte. "I did like that rewrite."

"Thank you," Charlotte thanked. "I noticed how uncomfortable you felt wanting to kiss a woman, so I did this for you."

"Aww, thank you."

"So…now what?"

"I gotta go home. See, Sinjin and I are cleaning our apartment and getting ready for our trip."

"Trip?"

"Yeah. See, when Sikowitz personally goes over storyboards and all that with all the writers, it means we're getting closer to our two day vacation. But that also means we're getting close to our crunch-down shooting the day before our two day vacation where we shoot at two episodes worth of stuff. We'll probably be doing our crunch-down on Monday."

"Huh…well two days off. I could use that time for-"

"Come with us!"

"Do what now?"

"You should come with Sinjin and me."

"Where?"

"Well, my brother Charlie lives on a farm with mine and Sinjin's Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse wants to take Charlie away from the farm for a few days, but he needs someone to watch the farm for him. So we said we'll wait for our two day vacation and then we'll volunteer so house-sit. I guess it's coming up soon!"

"What about Robbie, shouldn't you bring him?"

"I don't really know him that well, and neither does Sinjin. Since there's only two guests rooms if Robbie came he'd have to sleep with Sinjin, but we don't know how those guys would react. I can't let him sleep with me can I?"

"Well-"

"Besides, Sinjin likes you and wants to spend more time with you. You won't go to Christine's party; will you at least come to our Uncle Jesse's farm?"

"Sure."

Cat squealed with delight and kissed Charlotte's cheek before running off. Rex observed this and chuckled. "I suppose that kiss will do." Charlotte rolled her eyes as he walked off chuckling.

…

Following not one, but three hours going over story episodes, Robbie returned to his apartment dressed as Charlotte to find it surprisingly empty. "Beck? Jade?" He shrugged this off and decided to take some leisure time and watch television…until there was a knock on the door.

Robbie opened the door (still in drag) where Lane was standing with a giant bag and a baby. "Who are you?"

The realization hit Robbie that he was still a woman. "I'm…I'm Robbie's cousin Charlotte. He's working late and asked that I picked up some stuff for him; he gave me his key."

"Are Beck and Jade in there?"

"Why?"

"Beck offered to babysit my nephew Luke tonight."

"Oh."

"I'm in a bind and I have to go." Lane handed Luke to Charlotte and took the bag off his shoulders. "Everything he needs is in this bag including a schedule."

"Listen Mister, I can't-"

"I'm in a bind and I don't care who watches this hellion!" Lane kneeled to his nephew and made baby noises. "Uncle Lane loves his Little Lukey doesn't he?" Lane looked up at Charlotte. "Good luck," he ran off.

"Uh!" The infant in Charlotte's arms started screaming. "YEAH JUST LEAVE THE KID WITH A RANDOM STRANGER!" Charlotte went into the apartment and shut the door with his foot. Luke would not stop screaming. Robbie set the boy down in front of the TV and tried to entertain the kid to no avail. Luke would not stop screaming. "Please, stop crying! Stop crying!" Robbie sighed. "Hey, Uncle Charlotte says to stop crying!" No use. "WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?" The apartment phone rang. "WHAT?" Robbie screamed into the phone.

"Hi Robbie," it was Andre. "I couldn't get a hold of you on your cell phone. Something wrong?"

"I've got the exorcist kid!"

"Jade had her baby?"

"She and Beck were supposed to babysit our neighbor's nephew, but I don't know where they are and I can't get a hold of them!"

"I was just wondering if you weren't doing anything and you and Cat and Tori and I could double date, but since you're busy-"

"BRING TORI OVER HERE!"

"Tori do what now?" Robbie could hear Tori's voice in the background.

"Please, I am desperate."

"No," Andre declined.

"Andre!" Tori took his phone from his ear. "Robbie, Andre and I will be right over."

"Tori and Andre do what now?"

"Thank you," Robbie hung up and went back to the screaming infant. "Hey, Luke, kid…" Robbie took down a wooden gargoyle Jade had made in a one-time pottery class. "Play with this while I become a man." By doing this, Robbie made the infant quiet down and viciously play with the wooden gargoyle so he could quickly change back into Robbie.

Tori and Andre arrived less than twenty minutes later and knocked on Robbie's door. "IT'S OPEN!" Robbie called from the bathroom.

Tori and Andre entered the extremely messy apartment. "All this is from a baby?" Tori and Andre looked down at the infant, who was banging the practically destroyed wooden gargoyle on the floor.

Robbie stepped out of the bathroom. "Thank God you're here. This kid crapped himself a while ago and it smells."

"Why didn't you change him?" Tori inquired.

"I'm uncomfortable with that area…even my own. Tori, do you know what to do?"

"Oh, just because I'm a girl I automatically know how to change a diaper?" Robbie and Andre nodded. "Well, yeah I do. Do you have changing table or something?"

"Change him anywhere." Robbie's phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Robbie."

"Beck? Beck where the hell are you?"

"I'm at the hospital; Jade was having something called Braxton Hicks contractions and they want to keep her here overnight."

"Is she okay? What about the baby?"

"Yeah, they're both fine. Apparently Jade's almost eight months pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the baby's growing near the back or something; I was in too much shock to really understand. For some reason Jade wants to see you."

"Why?"

"I don't know, she's probably whacked out from something they gave her, I dunno. She just wants to see you."

"Yeah, yeah I'll be right over." Robbie hung up. "Guys, I gotta get to the hospital."

"What about the kid?" Andre asked.

"I'm sure you guys can handle him for a little while. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Robbie!"

"Bye!" Robbie was out the door.

Tori screamed. Andre ran over to her. "What?"

Tori had a look of extreme disgust. "The baby peed in my mouth."

"Gross!"

For the rest of their 'fun-filled' Friday evening, Tori and Andre were spending their first date in Hell with the demon child (Luke). Robbie got back around 10:45. "Hi guys, visiting hours are over." Robbie noticed the baby sleeping on the floor in front of the TV. "Hey, he's sleeping." He then looked at Tori and Andre. "What happened to you guys?"

Both of their hair was completely messed up, God knows what was on their clothes, and they looked exhausted. Tori stared daggers at Robbie. "Shut up."

Lane knocked on the open door. "Your door was open so I thought I'd just come get him," Lane scooped up his nephew. "I hope he wasn't any trouble."

"No trouble at all," Robbie answered. Tori growled at him.

"Yes, well," Lane picked up the giant bag he entered with. "I'll see you round sometime."

"Bye." Robbie shut the door and turned to Tori and Andre. "So…"

"We hate you," Andre and Tori stormed out of the apartment.

…

By Saturday, Robbie had finished cleaning the apartment (with the exception of Jade's destroyed gargoyle), cleaned himself up for Christine's party, and was en route to pick up Trina when he noticed something outside the apartment door. "_For the most beautiful_ _person ever, can't wait to spend some alone time with you at the quiet, secluded farm_, _Sinjin_." Robbie groaned and looked at the balloon Sinjin attached to the box of chocolates. "How did he even get my address?" Without even realizing it, Robbie was carrying the chocolates with him into the taxi…and subsequently Trina's apartment. He knocked on the door and Trina answered in a summer dress. "Hi Trina."

"You got me chocolates!"

"What? No!"

Too late Trina took the chocolates. "Ooh, a note." She read the note. "_For the most beautiful person ever, can't wait to spend some alone time with you at the quiet,_ _secluded farm_." Trina swooned. "_Sinjin_." She looked down at the letter again. "Robbie, who's Sinjin and why are you spending alone time with him at a quiet, secluded farm?"

"It was probably delivered to the wrong apartment."

Trina smiled. "So that's why you keep saying you don't want a relationship."

"What?"

"Well, we could still spend some time together shopping, or dancing. You'll be my GBFF."

"Your what?"

"Gay best friend forever."

"What?"

"No wonder you wouldn't sleep with me."

"Trina, I'm not-"

"Oh, you're a closeted gay. Don't worry, when we're in public I'll pretend to be your girlfriend."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"At the party, I'll be your fake girlfriend."

"NO!" Trina shot him a confused look. "I mean…not at this party. Let's just have a good time and not focus on a relationship, real or fake."

"Um…sure. Can I still keep the chocolates?"

"Sure, Trina."

The taxi drove them to Christine's party where Robbie and Trina handed the security their invites and cautiously entered the party. "So, do you know any of these people?" Trina asked Robbie.

"Yeah, a few." He pointed to Tori and Andre. "Like, those two."

"Is that," Trina squinted. "TORI!" Trina ran over to her sister as Robbie ran in another direction looking for Cat.

"Excuse me," Christine tapped Robbie on his shoulder. "Do I know you?"

"Umm…I work crew for you guys. One of the cast members couldn't make it so she gave me her invite."

"Oh, cool I guess. Have you tried the shrimp?"

"Christine!" Someone called Christine away, giving Robbie leeway to search for Cat.

"Robbie!" Trina called to him from a buffet table, "they have shrimp!" Robbie gave her a thumbs up and tried looking for Cat.

"Excuse me," Rex stopped him, "I'm lookin' for a woman with medium black hair and glasses, usually wears dresses, possibly in her 30's."

"Uh, sorry," Robbie replied back. "I haven't seen her." He tried to get away to find Cat, but Rex followed.

"Then can you point me in the direction of someone I haven't flirted with?" Robbie pointed to Trina, who was stuffing her face. "Thanks, pal."

"Wait a minute; have you seen Cat Valentine?"

Rex chuckled. "I knew I recognized you! You're the guy who made out with Cat at the movies." He eyed Robbie. "She could do better."

"Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, I think she's bawling in the upstairs bathroom."

"Thanks," Robbie went up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door. Sounds of crying could be heard. "Cat, are you in there?" He heard the door unlock. "Can I come in?" He assumed he heard a yes and entered the bathroom where Cat was crying in front of the bathtub. "You okay?"

She scooted closer to Robbie. "They're killing me off the show."

"They are?"

Cat nodded and used some toilet paper to wipe her nose. "My five year contract was almost up and I was going to sign for another five years when Sikowitz told me they'd be killing me off on Monday in some accident."

"Really?"

"What's worse is I didn't have anyone to tell. I didn't get your number, and I don't have my friend's number. I wanted to see if Sinjin sent the chocolates to the right address he stalked."

"You're telling me now. Try to look at getting killed off as a positive thing?"

"I can't!" Cat blew her nose. "I have no real life experience! The real world is scary." She started crying again.

Robbie put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. "It's okay," he tried to console. "You got me."

"I know." Cat put her head on his shoulder, "and I'm grateful for that."

Robbie kissed the top of her head and the two of them stayed like that for a while in the upstairs bathroom.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" The two of them could hear Trina's voice coming from outside the hall. Trina entered the bathroom trying to hide from someone. "There you are Robbie! I have been looking everywhere for you."

Cat looked at Robbie and gasped. "You are dating Trina!"

"No!" Robbie tried to explain.

"He's gay," Trina told Cat.

"What?" Cat was confused and upset.

"No, I'm not!" Robbie tried to defend.

"What?" Trina was confused and slightly irked.

Robbie was literally in the middle of two girls. "Look, I'm not gay!"

"Then you are in a relationship with me?"

"You _are_ dating Trina?" Cat was also slightly irked.

"NO I'M NOT!" Robbie turned to Cat. "Trina is a friend who for some reason thinks I'm either gay or in a relationship with her."

"Are you?" Both of the women asked.

Before Robbie could even answer, Sinjin entered the bathroom in a hurry and immediately took his pants down to relieve himself. "Um," Cat was blocking her eyes, Robbie had turned around, and Trina stared in amazement at the size, "would you like some privacy?"

"You know what, I think it's better when someone's watching," Sinjin continued relieving himself.

"Oh my lord, that is impressive," Trina couldn't look away.

Robbie used this opportunity to pull Cat into the hallway to talk to her. "Look Cat, right now things are complicated."

"Are you dating Trina or not?" Cat wanted to know once and for all.

"She seems to think we are, but we're not."

"Then you're gay?"

"No."

"Then would you please explain to me what's going on?"

Robbie sighed. "I don't know, but I do know that I'm love with you."

Rex came between the two of them. "Y'all seen a brunette goddess who…" Rex looked inside the bathroom at Trina and Sinjin, "…whoa, that's impressive."

"Yeah, Sinjin's pee is usually a mixture of yellow and orange, he's afraid to flush the toilet" Cat answered.

"I think they're talking about the size of his…little Sinjin," Robbie felt uncomfortable talking about this, and Cat didn't seem to understand.

"That ain't no _little_ Sinjin," Rex whistled. "I wonder if it works."

"I don't understand," Cat truly didn't know what the guys meant by "little Sinjin".

"I'm uncomfortable!" Robbie headed downstairs.

Cat followed him. "Listen Robbie," she sighed, "if things are complicated right now, maybe you and I should take some time apart…even though we're technically not in a relationship."

"No. I want us to be in a relationship."

"I do too, but you need to take some time to sort out your life."

"Can I at least get your number?" Cat shook her head no. "Why not?"

"I think we both need to sort our lives, without each other."

"I don't think I can do that."

"Me neither, but we're just going to have to."

Sinjin appeared beside Cat. "I have to go home and take my medicine," he informed.

"Go wait by the car, I'll be right there." She watched her cousin leave before turning to a visibly upset Robbie. Cat caressed his face. "Don't think of this as goodbye, Robbie; we'll see each other again once our lives are figured out."

"You're a big part of my life now. I mean, I know you haven't been in it very long, but I need you in my life. Cat I-"

She put her finger to his lips. "I feel the same way about you." She gave him a passionate goodbye kiss. "Goodbye, Robbie."

"Bye Cat." He watched her leave. But before leaving, he noticed her turn around with her brown eyes full of tears. She sighed, and left the party.

Trina was now beside him. "Wow, that guy was weird." She looked at Robbie. "You okay?"

"I'm going home."

"But the party's barely started, I'm not leaving! And neither are you!"

"Find your own ride home."

"You are going to stay here and party with me! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME!"

Enough was enough and Robbie was pretty much about to snap, "FUCK OFF TRINA!" Robbie left the party.

Trina stood there with her jaw almost to the floor as Rex made his way to her. "So, you single?" Trina huffed and stormed away with Rex obsessively following.

To finish off the weekend from Hell, everyone spent their Sundays in bed. Two from broken hearts, one for health reasons, two for…some alone time as a couple, two to comfort and care for their loved ones, and the others were just plain lazy and had nothing better to do on a Sunday.

* * *

><p><strong>Aww, boo-hoo. If you're wondering, the people in the last paragraph are Robbie, Cat, Jade, Tori &amp; Andre, Sinjin (to comfort his cousin), Beck (to care for his girlfriend), Trina, and Rex respectively.<strong>

**This chapter is slightly longer, I hope it has been adequate. Yeah…nothing else to say.**


	11. A New House and a Vacation

**Wow, again, I have nothing to say. Um…someone told me Festus had his own slap page and I laughed it off until I realized she was right. So…Festus the Grub Truck guy has his own slap page. **

**On a sadder note, Amy Winehouse has joined the 27 Club (if you don't know what that means, it means she died, she was a musician, and she was 27 years old). I wasn't a fan of hers, but my heart goes out to her loved ones. My heart also goes out to the ones affected by the 98 people killed in that bombing in Norway. The world is just full of sadness right now and I wish there was something we could do about it.**

**Unfortunately, I can't do much but put up this fanfiction which I'm positive will be more positive (especially after what happened in the last chapter). So here it is.**

* * *

><p>Weird Al's music wasn't doing much for Robbie as he laid faced down in Beck and Jade's bed with the door closed and everything dark.<p>

Beck opened the door. "Rob, you okay?" Beck heard muffled noises coming from Robbie's pillow. "You gotta go to work today." More muffled noises. "Alright." Beck grabbed Robbie by his ankles and dragged him onto the floor.

Robbie's head hit the hard floor. "OW!"

"Sorry, dude."

Robbie rubbed his head. "Yeah, if I get a concussion I'll know who's to blame."

"Robbie, there's still an upside to this."

"What?"

"You might not be able to see Cat as you, but you can see Cat as Charlotte."

"What good is that? They're going to kill her character off anyway."

"What if Charlotte convinced the writers not to?"

"Like they're going to listen to her."

"You never know unless you try." Beck stood up to leave. "Oh, watch out for the candles."

"Candles?"

"Jade keeps farting and we're out of _Febreeze_."

"Ew."

"Like she can control it; she has to stay on bed rest until she has the baby."

"I'm sure she's enjoying sleeping on my bed."

"Yeah, it's not as hard as ours, which is weird because hide-a-beds usually suck."

"Can I take your car today?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Thanks." Robbie quietly got ready for work before heading into Beck's car (as Charlotte) and driving off in even more silence.

Charlotte entered the dressing room upset. "Hey," Tori was unusually upbeat. Charlotte only waved. "Upset about Cat?"

"How do you know?" Robbie talked in his actual voice.

"Cat told me. Poor thing was in bed all day yesterday upset. We call each other every Sunday around six and when it was eight and I hadn't heard from her, I called."

"So, she misses me?"

"Yeah. She doesn't know if this 'time apart' thing between you two was a good idea."

"It wasn't."

"Cat also told me they're killing her character off."

"Yeah, I was going to convince Sikowitz not to."

"I'll come with you too." Tori and Charlotte headed to the set to search for Sikowitz.

Sikowitz appeared behind them. "Ladies," he startled them, "I was just about to wrangle up the cast for a serious announcement."

"How serious?"

"Extremely; have you noticed I don't have my coconut milk with me?"

"This is really serious isn't it?"

Sikowitz nodded. "Go wait in the center of the set with Rex."

Tori and Charlotte joined Rex in the set. "Rex, what's going on?"

"I dunno," Rex shrugged, "Sikowitz told us to be prepared for a major announcement. I'm freakin' out; he wasn't drinking his coconut milk."

"Is that like a bad omen or something?" Charlotte asked.

"Whenever Sikowitz is being serious, he doesn't drink coconut milk," Tori informed.

Cat joined the four of them next. "Guys, what's going on?"

"Something serious."

"Is Sikowitz drinking his coconut milk?" The three of them shook their heads no. "Ooh, it's really serious."

More cast and crew members started encircling the set as Sikowitz took center. "I was at a meeting with Mrs. Daniels yesterday," he began pacing, "need I remind you Mrs. Daniels is the head of the studio. She has informed various creative people with television shows on this network, that we are in debt and if we don't raise any money for our show, we're going to be cancelled."

"Does she mean all the shows, or just ours?" Tori asked.

"Just the shows with poor ratings."

"I thought we were doing well with ratings?" Charlotte inquired.

"Oh, we are. However, the network is trying to save money and decided to get rid of an even number of shows. Plus Lisa Daniels and I aren't on good speaking terms after our failed engagement, wedding, and divorce."

"You and Lisa were married?" Cat questioned.

"Nope; and when I brought this up with her she requested I stay as far away from her as possible. My strange attitude toward her may have contributed to our cancellation."

"Can we do anything to save the show?"

"Lisa has informed me our show is doing much better. Our show may have a chance if we raise funds. So, today through Wednesday is crunch time. We will film an episode today, two episodes tomorrow, and two on Wednesday, after that is our annual two day vacation. However, the Monday we are all of the episodes we film this week, we will host a 'Save Our Show' fundraiser where we film a live episode in place of what would have been a new episode."

"Live?" Rex was uncomfortable with this.

"I also ask that some of you, namely Charlotte, help assist the writers with…writing. There will be no pay increase, but you will get writing credit."

"Who would want that?"

"Yes, even the writers don't want that. So your two-day vacation will last…" Sikowitz tried to do math, "…much longer. So, let's get ready for today's episode which I'm sure all of you but Rex have memorized and you'll pick up two days' worth of script later. You may all leave now!"

While everyone left, Charlotte went over to Sikowitz. "Sikowitz, can I talk to you about killing Emily?"

Sikowitz's face expressed fear. "How did you know about that?"

"Cat told me."

"How does she know about that?"

"Because you told her they were going to kill off her character."

"OH! Emily the character portrayed by Cat."

"Who did you think I was talking about?"

"It's not important. Yes, we have decided to spare her going along with the cancellation, we'll give her a death. The audience seems to agree with death. Ratings were huge when people watched the episode where Rex's character died."

"But, you brought him back to life and made it though it was just an accident."

"Yes, and we can do that with Cat's character."

Charlotte sighed. "What if I give you an even bigger twist than a character's death?"

"Like what?"

"I'll only do it on two conditions. One that you not kill off Emily Lange; and 'B' that I reveal the big twist on the live episode."

"Hmm…" Sikowitz pondered this. "I suppose this could work. You must also help the writers."

"Deal."

Sikowitz put his arm around Charlotte's shoulder. "You are one special woman, Charlotte Roberts; I don't think I've ever met a woman like you."

"And you probably never will."

"Nope. Now go on and get ready to shoot the scene."

Tori ran beside Charlotte. "Did you talk to Sikowitz?"

"Yeperooni."

"And?"

"Oh, if I help with writing Emily lives."

"Great…Kimberly too, right?"

"Sure."

"Hey Robbie, maybe if the acting thing doesn't work out you should be a writer."

Robbie laughed. "My roommates said that too. No, they're the playwrights, I'm the actor. Ironically, they're better actors than me."

"Are their plays good?"

"Sadly yes, but everything Beck, Jade, and I do is good but people just don't seem to understand or care."

"Beck and Jade are better than you at pretty much everything and they're living with you?"

"It's a long story."

"Maybe you could write it into a play or something."

"Tori, I'm not going to be a writer while I have an acting gig."

"Ah yes, but you don't have an acting gig, Charlotte does."

"If we get into technicalities then-" Robbie's cell phone rang. "Hold on," he answered normally. "Hello?" No response on the other end. "Hello?" The line went dead. Robbie shrugged and put his phone away. "That's like the second time this has happened."

"Do you know who's calling?"

"I tried calling them back and got no response. Whoever called didn't even record their voice for a voicemail."

"Who doesn't do that?"

"Well, since I assumed two identities I had to delete my voicemail recording."

"Ah."

…

As the week went on, the work became harder. The cast shot a week's worth of episodes in two and a half days before being able to get their time off. When Thursday came, Charlotte used this opportunity to ask Cat if they could leave for the farm on Monday so they could spend the week there (to which Cat agreed). Thursday Beck and Robbie searched for a new place to live. Friday, they signed the lease and rented a moving truck, and the boys spent the weekend moving everything into the new house while Jade stayed in bed eating ice and watching horror movies.

When it did come time to move everything else (including Jade) into the new house, it was Sunday night.

Jade looked around the new house. "Nice. How did you get this place in four days?"

"Cash bribe never hurts," Beck gave her a quick peck on the kiss before loading a box into one of the rooms.

"I like how it's all on one floor."

"Yep," Robbie put a box on the couch, "and with my room all the way at the other end of the hall with its own bathroom, I don't have to hear the sounds of your lovemaking."

"Yeah, sure." She sat down on the couch. "So how much did the couch cost?"

"We got some discount furniture. A gently used sofa, some gently used recliners, gently used clean beds, and a surprise."

"My wooden gargoyle I made for Beck?" Jade seemed to have been upset by what happened to her craft.

"That was not my fault!"

Beck exited one of the bedrooms and helped Jade off the couch. "Robbie and I asked for some help this morning with the nursery."

"Oh right," Jade rolled her eyes, "that thing."

"We're having a baby in less than a month."

"You better not have bought anything pink."

"Come on, you'll love it," Beck led Jade to the nursery as Robbie headed in the direction of his new room.

"My own room again," he plopped down on the bed as his phone rang, "and I can't even enjoy it." He answered his phone. "Hi Andre."

"Hey," Andre was in his apartment putting on some clothes, "I was just wondering if you needed some help moving into your new place."

"Andre, we already moved."

"You did?"

"You were too busy sleeping with Tori to realize this."

"I have no regrets. I also wanted to ask you if it's okay if I propose to Tori."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"You barely know each other. Or should I say she barely knows you; you stalked the girl for God knows how long."

"You barely know Cat and you're in love with her."

"Yes, but I was never planning on proposing to her. I was going to wait at least another six months before proposing."

"Yeah, good luck with that. And you said you wanted to be honest with Cat."

"Where are you going with this?"

"When you go to the farm with her as Charlotte, admit you're really a guy."

"No can do, I have to share a room with her and I'd like to share a room with Cat, not creepy, stalker, Sinjin."

"Have you heard from Trina?"

"Wow, nice segue. Thankfully, no I haven't heard from Trina."

"Tori said Trina's still under the impression that you're in a relationship and you should try her plan."

"Her plan?"

"Tell Trina you're in love with another woman."

"But Trina already thought I was gay."

"Like that's going to get rid of her. She'll want to be your best friend and do girl stuff with you because she'll think you enjoy it. You're going to have to tell her you're in in love with another woman."

"Let's not worry about Trina now. Can I enjoy some time to myself before I have to leave at eight in the morning?"

"Alright, alright. Get some sleep while you can. Hey, you should invite me to a housewarming party now that you have a backyard and a pool."

"Ha, ha."

"I'm serious."

"Goodnight Andre." Robbie hung up his phone and started packing for his trip.

…

Charlotte took a taxi to Cat and Sinjin's apartment. When she arrived at their door, Sinjin greeted her. "Hi Charlotte," he drooled.

"Nice to see you, Sinjin," Charlotte greeted.

"I've really missed you."

"I saw you stalking me on Wednesday."

"Yeah, but I went to your apartment yesterday and picked the lock."

"My roommates and I moved to a more spacious house."

"Why do the women always move when I figure out their address?"

"Sinjin, stop blocking Charlotte," Cat pushed Sinjin away and hugged her friend. "It's so good to see you again."

"Likewise," Charlotte patted Cat's shoulder.

"And I can't thank you enough for saving my character; my contract's been renewed for another five years just in case the show stays on the air."

"I couldn't have them kill you off, could I?" Charlotte entered Cat's apartment. "Ooh, now this is a lovely set-up for such a small apartment."

"Thanks, Sinjin and I decorated it ourselves. Don't make yourself at home 'cause we'll be leaving soon."

"Do you need to use the bathroom or anything before we get on the road?" Sinjin asked.

"If so use the smaller bathroom in the master bedroom after I'm done, the main bathroom's door is broken. But if you really have to go, you can use the main bathroom."

"Um…" Charlotte noticed the look Sinjin had. "I think I'm good until we get there." Charlotte noticed Sinjin's face fell.

"Well," Cat clapped her hands, "then I'm going to go to the bathroom." She ran into the master bedroom screaming, "Gotta pee! Gotta pee!"

Sinjin moved closer to Charlotte. "You're gonna love the farm."

"Am I?" Charlotte tried to back away.

"It's kinda secluded, very roomy, and the fireplace is a great spot to cozy up with someone if you know what I mean."

"You cozy up with your cousin?"

Sinjin groaned. "It was one time, and it was Charlie's idea."

"Your male cousin?"

"Yeah. Did you think I meant Cat?"

"Naturally."

"Why would you think I meant Cat?"

The two heard a flush and Cat came back. "Sinjin, help Charlotte with her bags and get them into our car."

"Kay, Kay," Sinjin took one of Charlotte's suitcases and left the apartment.

"Ready?" Charlotte nodded and then followed Cat to the elevator. "You're gonna love the farm; it's kinda secluded and very roomy."

"So, I've heard," Charlotte feigned a smile.

…

Cat drove for miles on the highway as the three of them chatted about whatever topics they stumbled upon. By the time they arrived at the farm. "Wow," Charlotte exited the passenger side and examined the new surroundings. "Rare do you see farms in California."

"It just has to be at a certain place in California," Sinjin said to Charlotte.

"Your brother Charlie isn't here, is he?"

"Nope," Cat answered, "neither is Uncle Jesse. They left this morning; we're housesitting for the week." Cat bounced with delight. "Isn't this exciting."

"Hey, maybe you should check on the horses," Sinjin suggested.

Cat squealed with delight as she bounced and clapped. "I wanna see the horses," she ran off in another direction.

Sinjin stepped closer. "Wanna ride my tractor?"

"Beg your pardon?" Charlotte raised an eyebrow.

"My uncle bought me my own tractor. I call it the Tractor Cleefer."

"Tractor Cleefer?"

"I couldn't call it the van Cleefer; it wasn't a van. Get it, 'cause my name is Sinjin van Cleef."

"Ah, clever. Maybe we should get our things to our room."

Sinjin shrugged and went to the car as Cat came back. "Uncle Jesse locked the stables, the key's inside," she followed Sinjin to their car. "If you take one of your bags we'll show you where you'll be sleeping." Charlotte did as Cat requested and followed her to a pink room with a bathroom, a large dresser with a television set atop it, and one giant bed.

"Uh…" Charlotte glanced around the room. "There's only one bed."

"Uh-huh," Cat nodded and set her suitcase on one side of the dresser. "These are the only two rooms we're allowed in when Uncle Jesse's not here. This one is mine, and the other is Sinjin's."

"That still didn't explain why there's one bed."

"Oh come on," Sinjin put one of Charlotte's bags in front of the closet, "you're both girls, there's nothing you've got to hide from each other."

Charlotte faked a laugh. "So Cat," Cat looked at Charlotte, "you and I will be sharing a bed?" Cat nodded. "And judging by the way things are I doubt they'll be room for another mattress in here."

"We don't have spare beds here anyway," Cat informed. "Which side do you want to sleep on?"

"The side closest to the uh…the bathroom," Charlotte nervously pointed to the bathroom. "The door to this bathroom closes right?"

"Uh-huh. Why don't you and Sinjin get the rest of the bags and I'll go check on the horses." Cat left the room.

Charlotte groaned in his normal voice. "I'm so screwed." He pulled out his phone and shut the door.

At the new house, Beck sat in the living room when the phone rang. "Hello Rob; next time might I suggest calling my cell phone."

"Beck, I need help!"

"You sound serious; what's wrong?"

"I have to sleep with Cat."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Let me rephrase this, _Charlotte_ has to sleep with Cat."

Beck laughed. "This is one sick lesbian fantasy…sick in more than one ways if you know where I'm going with this."

"I can't sleep with her!"

"Sleep with her cousin."

"I'm not doing that either!"

"Okay so Charlotte's sleeping with Cat, what are you worried about."

"Spooning."

"Spooning?"

"And/or cuddling. I'm just afraid as a woman I might get to first base or beyond with the girl I love as a man."

"I can't help you Robbie, this is something Charlotte's going to have to figure out for himself."

"Oh ha, ha! That was a sarcastic laugh by the way!"

"Robbie and/or Charlotte, I trust that either one or both of you won't do anything you'll regret." Beck hung up.

"Beck?" Robbie threw the phone down on the ground. "Okay, I just have to convince myself I'm not in love with Cat; by doing that, I won't try anything in the bed." Robbie took a deep breath. "I'm not in love with Cat. I'm not in love with Cat. I'm not in love with Cat."

…

Robbie was in love with Cat. Of course, he was already in love with her, but he fell even more deeply in love with her. There was just something about seeing her in a different setting where she was more happy, more carefree, more…dare he say sexy. And if that wasn't enough, Charlotte was in love with Cat too. But by some miracle both of them had enough self-control not to try anything when they went to bed. For some reason it helped that Cat was dressed in long pajamas and had her hair up in a ponytail.

Until the last night they were there. Cat stepped out of the shower in short shorts and a pink tank top, and her hair was down. Robbie and Charlotte also noticed the way Cat's chest was in the top. "Hi!" Cat climbed into bed that last night. "It sucks that tonight's our last night here."

Charlotte nodded. "I've never thought I'd ever have so much fun on a farm. Milking a cow isn't as awkward as I thought."

"Did you enjoy riding the horses?"

"Eh, not so much."

"Yeah, you looked more comfortable on Sinjin's tractor."

"Beg pardon?"

Cat bit her lip and giggled. "I couldn't help but notice the way you put your arms around him as you rode on the tractor."

"I was afraid to fall off!"

"Uh-huh, sure," Cat winked.

"I was!"

Cat curled up in the blankets and looked up at Charlotte. "Why can't Los Angeles be as perfect as Uncle Jesse's farm?"

"Because it's Los Angeles."

"Charlotte…do you talk to Robbie?"

"Yeah, I do. He misses you like crazy."

"Really?"

"He hasn't left his bed since the night of the party. What happened between you two?"

"I thought it would be a good idea if we took some time apart from each other to sort out our lives."

"He mentioned something about that." Cat sat up to wipe away tears. "What's the matter?"

"I didn't think I'd miss him so much."

"Aw, shh, shh," Charlotte pulled Cat closer, "there, there, don't cry."

"I think I'm really in love with him."

"He loves you too."

"Why hasn't he tried to come back for me?"

"I told him to, I truly did. He's too much of a gentleman and is trying to respect your decision. Do you have his number?" Cat shook her head. "Well, he moved this week, I'll have to give you his new number." Charlotte stroked Cat's hair.

Cat smiled. "Did I tell you about the night of the party?"

"Nope."

"Earlier I learned my character would be killed off and I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom not knowing what I'd do without the show. I wasn't planning on letting anyone in, but I let him in. He pulled me closer and comforted me kind of like the way you are now."

"Imagine that." Charlotte hoped Cat wouldn't catch on.

"I know this sounds weird, but can you kiss the top of my head like he did?"

"Cat, I-"

Cat looked up at him with pleading brown eyes. "Please."

"Oh alright." Charlotte did as Cat requested.

"Charlotte," Cat yawned and curled up in Charlotte's arms.

"Yeah, Cat?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Cat." Charlotte kissed her head again as Cat fell asleep in Charlotte's arms. Robbie sighed. "I just wish you could love the real me as much as I love the real you." He yawned, slid down a tad on the bed, and fell asleep with Cat curled in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>How romantic. Sorry about the delay in update, it wasn't as fast as usual, but blame it on life. Okay, I do have something planned for the next chapter and the chapter after that is going to be HUGE.<strong>

**I'll leave you to think about what will happen next.**


	12. Things are Getting Complicated

**I've got something special planned for the homecoming. Two dates, one stalking, one very helpful misunderstanding, and Trina will be back by the next chapter. Oh yes and one major proposal in this chapter.**

**Intrigued?**

* * *

><p>Robbie, still dressed as Charlotte, was more than happy to be back in his new house. The first thing he did when he got home was plop himself on the couch.<p>

Beck looked up from his cereal in the kitchen. "'Sup," Beck ate some Cheerios. "I didn't think you'd be back around 9:30."

"Cat had to get home before eleven, and she asked Sinjin to drive," Robbie explained. "I am never riding in a car when Sinjin drives."

"So, did you get to first base with Cat?"

"No."

"Any spooning?"

"She fell asleep in my arms. I didn't want her to wake up confused or upset, so I woke up before her and got her out of my arms."

"Did you get a boner?"

"Are you getting some sick pleasure out of this?"

"Actually, yeah."

Robbie groaned. "You have problems...and yes, I did."

"Knew it."

"How's Jade?"

"Miserable, but she's enjoying her misery."

"What did you guys do all week?"

"She stayed in bed, I made her read parenting books and we watched some up close and personal documentary on childbirth."

"Ew."

"It was actually quite fascinating. Jade liked it…it reminded her of a horror movie. Plus she was happy to know that kind of pain would be available for her."

"I swear to God she's a masochist."

Beck nodded as he chewed his breakfast. "Hey, you got a script in the mail yesterday."

"Script?"

"With a note," Beck took out the note. "_We had to get a script in advance so we could get all the necessary sets. I trust you will inform me of the surprise before we go live; Sikowitz. PS, I seem to have misplaced my pants._" Beck looked at Robbie.

"I suppose you have a few questions."

"Why do you need an advanced script? What will you inform this Sikowitz guy? Who is this Sikowitz guy and why is he asking you where your misplaced pants are? And how did he get our new address?"

"I texted it to him before going on vacation, that's the answer to the last question. If we want to save our show, we have to perform a live fundraiser show where I told Sikowitz I had something planned. I have no idea why he's asking me where his pants are."

"What are you planning?"

"You'll have to watch on Monday."

Beck shrugged. "So what are you planning to do this weekend?"

"Relax, enjoy my new house, sleep alone, maybe try to avoid calls from Andre."

"Speaking of calls, Trina called me because she couldn't get a hold of you. Oh, and your Mamaw tried calling my phone too."

"What'd you tell her?"

"Your Mamaw?"

"No, Trina."

"I told her we moved and Robbie is at a farm with his friends. She then proceeded to scream at me saying you had no friends but her and your screwed up roommates. I then told Trina to never call me or my wife again."

"Wife?"

"I've been with Jade for so long I consider her my wife. I mean, if you live with someone for over seven years you have a common-law marriage. Right before our senior year of high school she moved into my RV."

"I miss your RV."

"I wish that semi missed it too. Right after the RV was destroyed, we moved in with you."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Beck ate some more cereal. "At least I let you guys both move in with me together."

"That was the only way to get a discount on our crappy apartment was if you moved in with at least one other person."

"Yes, but now we live in a nice house so no more crappy apartment."

"You make the money, so why don't you move out?"

"I'm afraid of living alone."

"Just read your script or something please."

"Bossy, aren't we Beck?"

"You read your script, I'll enjoy my Cheerios."

Robbie went to his room, dressed like himself (happy to know he wouldn't have to dress like Charlotte until Monday), and relaxed on his bed. While attempting to read his script, he dozed off and fell asleep. His ringing cell phone woke him up. He reached for his phone. "Hello."

"Hello?"

"Cat?"

"I'm sorry; do I have the wrong number?"

"No, it's me Robbie!"

"Robbie?"

"Yeah."

"But Sinjin told me this was Charlotte's phone number."

"Uh…it is. She's talking with my roommate right now, but I'll go get her." Robbie opened his door and pretended to call Charlotte. "Charlotte, Cat's on the phone for you." He pretended as though Charlotte was a few feet away before putting the phone to his ear. "Hello, Cat."

"Hi, Charlotte!" Cat sounded bubbly on the other end, "I got the script for our live show and I was wondering if you want to come over and help me memorize it."

"Why I would love to."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure, Cat."

"How close are you and Robbie?"

"Oh, we're just cousins. I like to visit him on the weekends for an hour or so."

"Aw, how sweet; I live with my cousin."

"I know."

"Oh, yeah. Well, could you come over around six tonight?"

"Of course I can."

"Don't eat anything!" Cat hung up.

Robbie moaned and fell face first on his bed. "Fuck my life."

Beck stood in the doorway. "Let me guess, Charlotte has somewhere to be tonight."

"Piss off, Beck!" Beck was about to walk away when Robbie stopped him. "Hold on, could you help me find something to wear?"

"Um…what?"

"I don't have anything to wear," Robbie walked over to his closet.

"Again…what?"

"Cat's seen me in all of these clothes."

"You want to dress up for Cat?"

"It's our first ever real date just the two of us; I wanna look nice for her."

"Okay," Beck sat on Robbie's bed and pointed to a white dress. "How about that?"

Robbie scoffed at him. "You can't wear white to a casual dinner, it's too dressy."

"Couldn't you just wear pants?"

Robbie thought about this. "I'm sure I could wear some nice dress pants if I can't find a nice dress to wear."

Beck rolled his eyes. "Okay then," he pointed to a purple dress. "What about that one?"

Robbie held up the dress. "I wish I could wear that, but I don't have the right shoes."

Beck sighed. "Alright then, what about that striped blue one?" Robbie made a face. "What's up with that face? What does that face mean?"

"I hate the way the horizontal lines look across my hips, and the dress cuts me across the bust."

Beck gave Robbie an expression of confusion and slight disgust. "Okay, we're getting into a weird area here." He left the room. "Who says bust anymore anyway?"

"So, I should wear some nice dress pants and a blouse?"

"Not answering you!"

…

Cat answered the door holding a giraffe when Charlotte arrived. "Hi!" She waved with one hand while holding on to her giraffe. "Listen," she pushed the giraffe's stomach and it made giraffe noises. Cat giggled. "My giraffe is so inappropriate."

Charlotte smiled and made her way into Cat's apartment. "It was nice of you to invite me."

"Yeah, Sinjin was going to be out tonight, and I thought I could use the time to memorize my script before Monday. Then I thought, I know we just got back home, but maybe Charlotte- that's you- could memorize lines with me- Cat."

"I would love to do that."

"Tori says we got the scripts on Wednesday, she's practically memorized her part."

"You talked to Tori?"

"Yeah, she said Andre proposed to her."

"Did he now? I had no idea they were in a relationship."

"Neither did Tori, so she was kinda creeped out; but she asked him to give her time to think about it. She should say yes, I like Andre."

"He's that nice African-American fellow?" Charlotte pretended not to know who he was.

"Uh-huh. Tori says he's real good in bed." Charlotte turned away to make a disgusted face. "I don't really know what that means though." Cat went into her kitchen. "Hey, I think dinner's ready."

"What'd you make?"

"Spaghatini, it's a mix of spaghetti and rotini."

"Sounds good."

"I also made brownies for later."

"I didn't know you could cook; I knew Sinjin could cook," Charlotte stifled a cough, "poorly."

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing, I just coughed. I was just remembering the one night Sinjin coooked on the farm. I hope he wasn't upset that I did the cooking for the rest of the vacation."

"Sinjin liked your cooking. Where did you learn to cook?"

"From my grandmother; I call her Mamaw"

"My grandmother taught Sinjin and me how to cook too!"

"What a coincidence."

"Were you and your grandmother close?"

"My grandmother's still alive."

"Oh…my nana died."

"Sorry to hear that."

"She was the one who told me I should audition for _Central Hearts and Minds_. Since I was on, she never missed an episode since I was on." Cat began to sniffle.

"Oh, what's wrong?"

"She died when I was filming," Cat was sobbing. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Charlotte patted her shoulder. "There, there."

Cat wiped her tears. "You know, that show's stopped me from having a real life and building relationships. I couldn't say goodbye to my grandma, I really don't get a chance to do things for myself, or show who I really am." Cat fought back tears. "And the show has been keeping me from pursuing a life with Robbie."

"You love him don't you?"

"I just wish I could have told him. I have no way of getting in contact with him."

"Didn't he answer my phone earlier? You could have told him then."

"I was afraid to; I'm afraid to make a move on a guy because I've never done it before. Which is weird because Emily has been known to flirt."

"So, you want him to make the move?" Cat smiled and nodded. "Great. I have your number, I'll be sure to give it to him."

"You didn't already give it to him."

"I tried to, believe me; but Robbie has been trying to respect your wishes no matter how hard it hurts him to just run here to you, take you in his arms, spin you in the air, and embrace you in a passionate kiss."

"Aww, he's so sweet. Are you sure you guys are cousins and aren't dating?"

"I can assure you Robbie and I are most definitely related; we cannot date."

"Yay!" Cat clapped. "I should have realized he and you were related; you both of so much in common."

"But Sweetie, you barely know Robbie."

"I barely knew you too and we had such an instant connection; it was the same for Robbie. Well, I thought it wasn't anything the first time we really met at my friend Trina's apartment, but at the movies," Cat swooned and got lost in her thoughts.

"Cat, is something burning?"

Cat screamed and ran into the kitchen. "My spaghatini!" Cat stomped her feet in upset. "Oh, now it's all ruined and stuff."

"I'd still like to try some."

Cat's eyes lit up and smile spread across her face. "You would?" Charlotte nodded. Cat clapped with delight and put a plate of spaghatini on a plate for Charlotte. "And I promise you'll get double brownies!"

"Yum."

Charlotte and Cat spent the rest of the evening talking and going over their lines as it got later in the night. After going over Cat's lines, the two decided to go over Charlotte's lines. A place in the script called for Charlotte to kiss Tori.

Cat waited for Charlotte to put her script down. "Okay, let's take it from 'Ever since you came to Southwest General'," Cat suggested.

"Ready!"

Cat began to read for Kimberly. "Ever since you came to Southwest General you've turned things around."

"For better or for worse?"

"Even I'm still not sure yet. But you've done some amazing things."

"Name some."

"Well for one thing, Johnny's giving commitment a serious thought and has stopped flirting. Plus, your philanthropy has helped benefit the people at St. Schneider's Hospital."

"So I'm like some saint of Southwest General?"

"You could say that."

"I'm no saint; there are things I've done that I've proud of," Charlotte began pacing in character. "People I've had to hurt to make it to where I am today; a steady string of broken hearts behind me."

"Anyone here?"

"Not currently. That's why I made the decision to swear off men."

"Oh, Caroline, you're a-"

"-a lesbian, yes. You didn't know?"

"No. Caroline, I don't know if any woman here is-"

"Ssh," Charlotte was too in the moment and put her lips to Cat's. "I know." Without warning, Charlotte kissed Cat on the lips.

Cat pushed her away. "Charlotte!"

"Oh my God!" Charlotte realized what had happened. "Cat, I am so sorry!"

"You kissed me!"

"I'm so sorry; I was just caught up in the acting moment."

"Charlotte, I like you as a friend, but-"

"Cat, I'm not a-"

"It's getting late; maybe you should go."

"Cat."

"Please."

"Alright," Charlotte picked up her script. "It was a lovely dinner; I had a nice time with you." When Charlotte stepped outside, Sinjin was there. "Hello Sinjin."

"Hi," Sinjin waved. "I was wondering if you were still here; I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go out with me tomorrow."

"Um…"

"My treat."

"That sounds lovely, but-"

"You're going to say no." Sinjin sighed. "Why do all the women say no whenever I ask them out. I thought because you were the best, you would agree to go out with me. I'm such a loser," Sinjin started to cry.

"No! No, don't do that."

He slightly perked up. "So you'll go out with me tomorrow?"

Charlotte sighed. "Okay, I'll go out with you tomorrow."

Sinjin smiled. "Great! I stalked your new address; I'll pick you up tomorrow around seven."

"Great. Can I give you a ride to your place? I know you don't have a car, so I thought-"

"Fine, Sinjin!"

"Yay!" Sinjin practically dragged Charlotte to his car and drove her home. "So," he stared at Charlotte after pulling into the driveway.

"What?" Sinjin puckered his lips. "Uh…no."

"Why not, aren't I kissable?"

"Why don't we wait until our date before we get to any kissing?"

"Um…okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Unfortunately."

"Wow, all the girls say that when I tell them I'll see them tomorrow."

"I bet they do." Charlotte got out of the car and entered the house. As soon as Sinjin left, Robbie let out a loud moan.

Beck was watching TV in the living room. "Problem?"

"I've got a date tomorrow."

"You do?"

"With Sinjin."

"Okay. Let me clear something up; as a man, Trina seems to be under the impression you and her are in a relationship."

"Or that I'm gay."

Beck smiled. "That too. As a man, you're in love with Cat- who loves you back- but she asked for time apart to sort out your lives. Meanwhile, as a woman, you're the object of Sinjin's affection, but you got the hots for Cat, who Robbie is in love with."

"That's pretty much it."

Beck made a thoughtful, yet agreeable noise. "Alright then."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Don't play hard to get."

Robbie threw a couch cushion at Beck before heading off to his room.

…

True to his word, Sinjin was there at seven the next day patiently waiting for Charlotte. Beck noticed him waiting in the driveway. "You were right," he called to Robbie, "he is a stalker."

Robbie came to the living room dressed as Charlotte. "He's creepy, isn't he?"

"I haven't really gotten a good look at him." Beck eyed Charlotte.

"What?"

"You're wearing that?"

"See, I don't really care about this, and I don't think Sinjin will care what I wear. It's still somewhat dressy though."

"I guess."

"BECK OLIVER YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND RUB MY FEET!"

Beck moaned. "I gotta go take care of Jade."

"Good luck with that," Robbie fixed his blouse.

"Good luck with your thing."

"NOW!" Jade sounded angry.

"COMING!" Beck went back to their bedroom as Charlotte left.

Sinjin immediately got out of the car and opened the passenger door for Charlotte. "Milady."

"Thanks." Charlotte got in the car. "So where are we going?"

"My buddy Festus works at some fancy restaurant and he can get me a discount."

"Good for him."

"They also have dancing there."

"Do they?"

"Will you dance with me?"

"I suppose one dance won't hurt."

"Cool," Sinjin drove off to a different restaurant in central Los Angeles and escorted Charlotte to a reserved table near a ballroom.

"Sinjin!" Festus greeted his old friend, "this must be the lovely lady you were telling me about?" Festus shook Charlotte's hand. "Name's Festus."

"Charlotte Roberts," Charlotte pulled away from his sweaty hands.

"Oh, I know; I watch show. Big fan!"

"I'm sure you are."

"Can I get you appetizers?"

"Jumbo onion rings," Sinjin ordered. "Onion rings are delicious."

"Uh-huh, sure," Charlotte merely stated as Festus went off to the kitchen.

"I like a girl with a big appetite, so feel free to order as much food as you like. If I give Festus a good review, he gives me a good discount."

"I'm content for now."

For the next hour or so, Charlotte (and technically Robbie) was forced to sit through everything Sinjin had to say. Which was included, but not limited to; Sinjin's father owning a rubber factor, a 'No Sinjin' policy at every mini-golf course in Los Angeles, how Sinjin loves working special effects, the love of some band known as The Diddly Bops, extensive medical history, and a love and shrine of chewed food some known, some unknown. Plus there was a torturous dance to an instrumental version to Air Supply's _Making Love out of Nothing at All_. But it got so much worse.

"Hey Charlotte, can I ask you a question?" Sinjin asked as Charlotte ate dinner.

"What?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight? That two people can have such an instant connection even if they barely know each other?" Charlotte nodded. "Me too." Sinjin reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a box with an engagement ring. "Will you marry me?"

Charlotte choked on the food. "Excuse you?"

"Marry me, Charlotte."

"Uh…I bet you ask this to all the girls?"

"Nope."

"You don't?"

"Nah-uh."

"And the ring?"

"My grandmother told me to give it to the most special girl you want to spend your life with."

"And that's me?" Sinjin nodded. "Sinjin…can you give me time to think this over?"

"Okay." Sinjin was quiet for almost a whole minute. "Have you thought it over?"

"Give me at least two days to think it over."

"You're really going to think it over though, right?"

"Sure."

…

After Sinjin dropped Charlotte of at her house, Charlotte went into the house and stole Beck's car keys. Robbie drove all the way to Andre's apartment.

Thankfully, Andre was awake. "Robbie, what are you doing here? And why are you dressed-"

"I need to talk to you."

"And you couldn't call…or dress like a man?"

"HI ROBBIE AND OR CHARLOTTE!" Tori yelled to him.

"HI!" Robbie yelled back. "Listen, it's important."

"Alright," Andre tied up his bathrobe and sat at his recliner as Charlotte sat at the couch. "What's wrong?"

"My hand was asked in marriage."

"What?"

"Sinjin van Cleef asked me to marry him."

Tori came out of Andre's room in short shorts and Andre's shirt. "Sinjin asked you to marry him?"

"Technically he asked Charlotte to marry him."

"What did you say?"

"I told him I had to think it over."

"And this is what you wanted to tell me?" Andre questioned.

"I wanted your opinion on what I should do; and not just with Sinjin, but with Cat and Trina."

"What does that mean?"

"Okay, Trina is under the impression that I'm either in a relationship with her, or that I'm gay." Andre nodded in understanding. "And Cat…you should've seen the look on Cat's face when she thought I was a lesbian."

"Didn't you just say gay?" Tori asked.

"No, Trina thinks I'm gay, Cat thinks I'm a lesbian."

"As Charlotte?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Isn't Charlotte straight?" Andre inquired.

"Yeah Charlotte's straight, Caroline's a lesbian."

"Who's Caroline?"

"My character," Robbie answered.

"I thought her name was Charlotte."

"It is Charlotte," Tori told Andre.

"Um…okay," Andre looked at Robbie. "So Sinjin wants to marry you?"

"No," Robbie replied, "he wants to marry Charlotte."

"Does he know she's a lesbian?"

"Charlotte's NOT a lesbian!"

"Does he know that?"

"Who know what?"

Andre threw his hands in the air in annoyance. "I don't know."

"Andre," Tori began, "Charlotte plays a character named Caroline, and Caroline is a lesbian. Sinjin proposed to a straight Charlotte, who Cat thinks is a lesbian." Tori looked at Robbie. "Hold up; why does Cat think Charlotte's a lesbian?"

"Charlotte kissed Cat yesterday."

"Robbie!"

"No, Charlotte," Robbie corrected.

"ENOUGH!" Andre screamed. "Why are you here?"

"I need advice; but I needed the advice in person," Robbie explained.

"Okay," Andre began to think, "I think you should see a therapist."

"Ha, ha."

"Simple," Tori looked at Robbie dressed as Charlotte. "Tell Sinjin that Charlotte's a lesbian, tell Cat that Charlotte only likes her as a friend and that you as Robbie is in love with Cat, and tell Trina you're gay."

"But Trina will want me to be her GBFF."

"Then tell Trina you're in love with another woman."

"You know what would be easier," Andre interrupted, "just admit that Charlotte is really Robbie!"

"That does make things easier."

"Look, I'll sleep on this one and decide what to do by tomorrow," Robbie sighed, "thanks again for the advice." He left Andre's apartment and drove home unaware that he was being followed.

Just as Charlotte was about to change, there was a knock at the door. "Who the hell is knocking at my door at 11:30?" Charlotte opened the door to find Rex. "Rex?"

"I noticed you coming out of my apartment building," Rex must've lived in the same apartment building as Andre, "and I followed you."

Robbie cleared his throat and spoke like Charlotte. "Are you aware of what time it is?" Rex tried to kiss Charlotte, but Charlotte put up a fight. "What are you-"

"I realized that I'm in love with you!"

"Excuse you?"

"Make love to me!"

"EXCUSE YOU?"

Beck came out of his bedroom in boxer shorts. "WHAT IS GOING ON?"

Rex backed away. "Who are you?"

Charlotte got an idea and ran to Beck. "Rex, this is Beck Oliver."

"Beck Oliver? Hey dude, I read one of your plays."

"Did you?" Beck asked.

"Yeah, what happened?"

"Anyway," Charlotte interrupted, "Beck is my…my fiancée."

"YOUR WHAT?" Both Rex and Beck were upset.

"SHUT THE HELL UP OUT THERE!" Jade shouted.

"That's Beck's sister, Jade," Charlotte lied.

"So, that's why you spurn my advances?" Rex questioned.

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Nah, I heard it somewhere. Well, the better man won I guess. However, if things don't work out, I'll be here for you Toots."

"I was afraid of that. Now, goodbye Rex."

Rex left the house in defeat. Beck turned to face Robbie. "Remember what I said about bringing extra male clothing just in case?" Robbie nodded. "This is one of those times that idea came in handy."

"I'm sorry!" Robbie apologized.

Beck looked at Robbie. "I'm just afraid you're going to burn in Hell for all this."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I'm ending it here. Heads up; the next chapter is called "Revelations"<strong>

**Have I left you in a sort of comedic suspense?**


	13. Revelations

**Okay, this fanfic is coming closer to a close. For those confused by what I mean, I mean it's almost over. I think it's safe to say there's one chapter left, and I have decided to something I used to do before. See, whenever I did fanfics based off of movies, I would create my own little epilogue of what I think happened after the movie ended using the characters from the show I borrowed. So this means I'll create a totally original epilogue of what I feel might have happened after **_**Tootsie **_**ended, but adjust it using characters from **_**Victorious**_**. I hope I didn't confuse anyone.**

**Three guesses what's going to happen in this chapter.**

* * *

><p>Robbie was trying to sleep when he heard a shrill scream coming from the front door. "Trina," he muttered.<p>

"ROBBIE, DOOR!" Beck called to him.

Robbie sighed and went to the door where Trina was standing. "Hi Trina."

Trina stormed into the house. "You have been avoiding me, Robbie Shapiro!"

"Thank you for barging in, Trina."

"Now enough is enough," she stormed into Robbie's room and got on his bed. "I want you to do me!"

"NO!"

"DO ME!"

"NO! Trina, I-"

"Um, why are the women's clothes in your closet?"

Robbie realized he had left his closet open when putting away Charlotte's clothes. "They're not mine."

"Is that?" Trina noticed one of the dresses. "This is my dress!"

"No it's not!"

"Is that used pantyhose?" Trina pointed to the pantyhose on the floor.

Robbie shrugged. "You tell me."

"Are you really gay? If you are, I told you that was okay for both of us."

"How is it okay for you again?"

"You can be my GBFF and we can do everything I want to do because you want to do it too." Robbie moaned and paced to the kitchen. Trina followed. "That way I won't feel embarrassed because you're gay."

"Trina, I'm not gay. I just hate you!"

"You're in denial about one of those things."

"No I'm not. I'm not gay and we're not in a relationship."

"Then explain to me why you're closet's full of women's clothes and there's pantyhose on your floor." Robbie sighed and sat at the kitchen table. Trina took a seat beside him. "This is pretty serious isn't it? Does it have to do with me?"

"Trina," Robbie took a long pause, he knew what he had to do, "I'm in love with another woman."

There was silence as Trina and Robbie stared at each other. Without any warning, Trina jumped up and screamed bloody murder. She threw whatever what on the table onto the ground and began to horribly injure Robbie.

Beck was startled by the scream and ran into the kitchen. "It's all right!" he called to Jade, "it's just Trina." Beck pulled an angry Trina off of Robbie, and she inflicted her physical rage onto Beck. When Robbie tried to get her off of Beck, she started to beat up Robbie. When Beck tried to save Robbie, Trina attacked Beck. And so on and so on…

…until Jade stepped in. She sighed and successfully pulled Trina off her the two guys. "Trina," Jade managed to get her to stand still and face her, "how can I say this without sounding like a bitch?" Jade paused. "No, I can't. Get out of my house, stay out of my house, or I will personally run you over with a steamroller, cut off all your hair, and give your wardrobe- shoes included- to ORPHANS!"

Trina growled and stormed out of the house (knocking into a few things on purpose). Jade stood there as Beck and Robbie laid on the floor in pain. Beck looked up at her. "Thanks, Babe."

"Both of you are pathetic. Now Robbie, become a woman and get your ass to the studios for your live show. Beck, you get back in our room and rub my feet."

"Could you give us like five minutes to recuperate?"

"Or ten?" Robbie was covering his groin in agony.

"Seriously?" Jade scoffed. "I'm almost nine months pregnant and I managed to stop Trina from kicking your asses?"

"Yeah, you're awesome, but we're in serious pain," Beck lamented.

"She stepped on my neck with her heels!" Robbie cried.

Jade made a 'tsk' noise. "Pussies," she muttered as she returned to her room.

Beck tried to look at Robbie. "I think…I think she punctured my lungs."

"I can't feel the lower half of my body," Robbie whined.

"You do have to go to your thing."

"Oh yeah, I can't feel my thing either."

"Me neither. At least she's gone."

"I think she bent my nipple! Is that even possible?"

"Robbie, shut up; not only are you annoying, but I think Trina seriously damaged my ear drums and sounds hurt my ears."

Jade came back into the kitchen. "Seriously?" She stood the two 'men' on their feet. "Robbie, you get ready for your thing." Jade gave Beck a kiss on the cheek. "Beck."

"Yeah?"

"GET YOUR ASS BACK IN OUR ROOM!" she screamed in his ear.

"OW!" Beck felt his ear. "My ear's bleeding."

"Oh, more than your ear will bleed if you don't get back to our room and take care of me and your bastard child. Robbie, you leave!"

"Bossy, aren't we?" Robbie went to his room to get ready. He quickly dressed himself and carefully put his makeup on. When he left, he noticed Beck on the couch with ice over his ears. "I'm taking your car."

"I don't care," Beck gestured for him.

"Please watch the show later."

"Unless I go deaf I'll make the effort to watch your show."

"See you later," Robbie left dressed as Charlotte.

…

Cat stopped Charlotte at the studio as they were about to film. "Sinjin wants me to ask you if you thought about something. I don't know what, but I told him I'd ask you."

"Where is he?" Charlotte inquired back.

"Oh, he's not allowed to attend the filming of our live show after…" Cat made a face, "…Sinjin's not allowed to attend a live filming. What did Sinjin want to ask you?"

"He asked me to marry him."

Cat squealed with delight. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"This is so cool!"

"Why?"

"Because if you marry my cousin, and I marry your cousin, we'll have like kissing cousins." Cat paused, "Do you know what I just said?"

"No."

"Me neither."

"Cat, I don't think that's considered appropriate if we marry each other's cousins."

"Oh. Well don't worry; I don't think Robbie will even ask me to marry him. He hasn't tried talking to me."

"Just give him some time. This time apart is upsetting for him but he's waiting for you to tell him in person that it's okay."

"I've got a great idea! Why don't you, Robbie, and Sinjin and I go out somewhere tonight?"

Charlotte's eyes widened. "Cat, I don't think that's possible."

"Why not?"

"It's just not possible…you'll see why later." Cat shrugged it off and skipped away.

Tori ran up to Charlotte. "Oh, no! You're not gonna do what I think you're doing."

"This was my plan when I heard the show would be live."

"Robbie, you're doing great on the show as Charlotte. If you take her away, we're gonna lose our jobs."

"Tori, I don't think I can keep up with this anymore. Now I told Sikowitz at the last scene I have something planned…a big revelation."

"The scene where everyone's at your house for the party? You're going to do it there?"

"Just act surprised okay."

…

As the time came closer for the show to start millions turned on their TVs for the live 'Save Our Show' fundraiser (where they were also taking calls for donations).

Trina scoffed when Sikowitz introduced the show and explained the fundraising. "Yeah, like I'm going to donate any money to keep my sister on the air." She paused. "Now if it was me…nope, still wouldn't donate my money."

Beck and Jade looked at each other. "You think he's gonna do what I think he's gonna do?" Beck questioned.

Jade sinisterly chuckled. "God, I hope so."

Sinjin watched the TV. "I want a sandwich."

As the cast took their places, Andre gave a thumbs up to Tori and Charlotte before they walked onto the set.

…

The show was going smoothly as the crew watched from their respected places off stage. "Hey," Tori's assistant looked at Sikowitz, "what do you think Charlotte has planned at the party?"

"I hope she reveals that she's part mermaid," Sikowitz answered.

The assistant gave him a funny look. "Seriously?"

"Or part unicorn, whichever works. Ooh, I what if she was a mermaid unicorn combination? A mermicorn!"

"Umm…okay."

"I think she's a guy," the cameraman whispered back to them as the last set of commercials were coming to an end.

Sikowitz laughed this suggestion off. "That is impossible."

"So is a mermicorn."

"A what now?"

…

Caroline (Charlotte) at the steps of her mansion. Kimberly (Tori) tapped a champagne glass. "Everyone," she turned to Caroline and raised her glass, "our guest of honor is here."

Caroline put her hand over her heart. "Why thank you all very much, I don't know what to say."

"SPEECH! SPEECH!" Johnny (Rex) cheered (while reading the cue cards on the side)

"Oh I shouldn't."

"Come on Caroline, please!" Emily (Cat pleaded).

"I do have something to say." She moved down the steps. "Ever since I came here, some of you," she gestured to Emily and Kimberly, "have been more than hospitable, while others," she glanced at some others, "have not. All in all, I am more than satisfied with the welcoming and attention here, wanted or unwanted. And I would like to tell you all a story." Caroline sighed. "Thirty-two years ago, Caroline Ashley was born to oil baron Christopher Ashley and one of his mistresses; a stripper known as Candy Kane, birth name Candace Swanson, who then married her sweetheart James Kane to become Candace Kane. Christopher loved Candace, but she tragically died in childbirth. Not with their daughter, but with their second child Cameron, who is the same age as Johnny Brewster…"

"Where is she going with this?" Emily whispered to Kimberly as Caroline continued on.

"Just listen," Kimberly assured.

"…and James Kane, furious with losing his wife, decided to seek vengeance on Christopher Ashley. James killed his two children and their nanny while Christopher was out with another mistress. However, one child survived the rampage, and James Kane took that child in and abused it to his heart's content. The child never did return home to Southwest General, until James met with an unfortunate accident. After years of planning, the child succeeded with killing James Kane, and decided to hide out here under a new identity in case the murder tied back to the now adult child." Caroline took off her glasses. "That's right, I survived Kane's rampage as a child and killed James Kane…but Caroline did not," while talking, Caroline was pulling off fake eyelashes. "I used my deceased's sister's alias so that I would not be caught and told my story of being Christopher's child to his lawyers where a DNA test proved right. For although I'm not Caroline Ashley, daughter of Candace Kane and Christopher Ashley," Charlotte ripped off her wig and then spoke in his normal voice, "I'm their son Cameron Ashley!"

There were audible gasps throughout the studio, the audience, and the cast and crew. Andre put his head in his hands and shook his head no, Trina screamed, a speechless Sinjin dropped his sandwich on the floor (and then proceeded to eat it), and Beck just stared with his mouth agape.

Jade clapped. "Yes, yes!" Beck gave her a look. "What? I enjoyed this."

"You're messed up," Beck commented.

"This soap opera's messed up."

"Knew it," the cameraman muttered.

"No mermaid, unicorn, or mermaid unicorn combination?" Sikowitz whispered to the stunned assistant.

Robbie was continuing. "I want to apologize for anyone who was hurt by this charade," he was directing this to Cat who looked ready to cry. "I guess now this means that the party is over."

"AND CUT!" Sikowitz yelled into the microphone.

Robbie made his way down the stairs as Cat moved closer to him. "I didn't know how else to tell you," he said to her.

Cat tried to find the words to say, but she couldn't. She made a quick, upset squeak before punching Robbie in his stomach so bad that he doubled over before she stormed off crying. Tori gave him a quick look before running after Cat.

"I hope we don't lose our jobs because of you," Christine snarled as she past him.

As Robbie stood up, Rex went over to him. "So, you're a dude."

"Yes Rex, I'm a guy," Robbie replied.

"Does Beck know?"

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, this was shorter. I'm kind of suffering from a writer's block and felt as though I had to get this up. Dustin Hoffman's character's excuse was not like this, and more complicated, so I made up a whole new excuse as to why Robbie's soap opera character crossed dressed. There's your big revelation<strong>

**Also, I'm doing minilikescoffee's couple's songfic challenge for Bade, Tandre, and Cabbie all to songs by Lady Antebellum if you wanna check those out. I believe the Bade one is up if you want to check that out, but you don't have to; I just wanted to try something different.**

**I hope this makes up for a sort of longer delay, if not; there's still another chapter and an epilogue to go.**


	14. Things are Getting Better

**It's been suggested the first thing I talk about is whatever comes to mind…seriously the only things on my mind is movies, television, music, romance, and how much I frickin' hate my real life. My conscious thoughts aren't as interesting as my sleep-deprived weird fantasies or strange ideas but I will forget those until I see/hear something that triggers my sleep-deprived fantasies into my conscious thoughts.**

**Does that make sense, because I have no idea what I just said?**

**I also think about how I'm attracted to nerds and my unhealthy attraction to actor Timothy Hutton (any guy with dark hair and blue eyes is attractive to me especially if they're a dark haired blue eyed nerd like Tim Hutton). So, there's a look inside the mind of me.**

**By the way; **_**Locked Up**_** was awesome. BONUS: **_**Beauty and the Beast**_** was on ABC family from 9 to 11 so I could watch **_**BATB**_** and then watch **_**Locked Up**_** again.**

**Enough from me; let's move on. This might be slightly longer than the last one.**

* * *

><p>"So," Beck took a seat beside Robbie on the couch, "why'd you do it?"<p>

"I couldn't keep up with the charade anymore," Robbie explained. "It was getting more and more difficult to keep up with two lives."

"But you just lost your main source of income and your quote on quote 'true love'." Beck air quoted the true love part.

"I'm sure I can find another job," Robbie tried to remain optimistic, "and I've saved the money to put on Jade's play whenever-"

"You and I both know it's gonna fail."

"Yeah."

"Robbie, you spent a huge amount of cash from your job to buy this house among other things; how can we afford to keep living here?"

"Okay, I knew that the job thing would be gone. But honestly, I thought that we wouldn't get enough money and that the show would get cancelled."

"What about Cat?" Robbie didn't say anything. "Robbie?"

"I thought she wouldn't act the way she did," Robbie sighed. "The thing is; she had such a great connection with me as a man, and a woman and I thought she would just ask me why I did it."

"And now she won't talk to you?" Robbie nodded. "Robbie, I…I actually feel sorry for you."

"That really doesn't help Beck."

Jade came into the living room. "Robbie, what you did was frickin' hilarious but I wish you wouldn't have done that so you could keep your frickin' job."

"Thank you Jade," Robbie sarcastically thanked.

"And in all seriousness," Jade paused as the two guys looked up at her surprised by the fact that Jade was being serious, "I'm sorry about what happened between you and Cat."

Robbie had a small smile on his face. "Thanks Jade; coming from you, that actually helps."

"Yeah, don't get used to it."

"Jade, what are you doing out of bed?" Beck raised his eyebrow to her.

"Oh yeah, I think my water broke or something."

Beck's eyes widened, "And you're not freaking out or anything?"

"Not unless the kid was coming out of you or Robbie. Besides, I said I 'think', it doesn't mean it did."

"Have you had any of those cramps?" Robbie asked.

"Contractions diphthong," Jade corrected Robbie before turning to Beck. "So what, are we gonna go or what?"

"Fine," Beck stood up to get ready.

Jade looked at Robbie. "The next call you'll get is most likely gonna be from Beck saying I had the kid."

"Got it," Robbie told her.

"I guess Beck will be happy and call Andre and Tori for God knows what reason; it's just a frickin' bastard child after all."

"You say that now."

"What?"

"Jade, your whole attitude is going to change once you hold your daughter for the first time. You won't be able to put into words what you'll feel when you see Beck holding her for the first time. You'll just…melt when you hold her close to your heart and the baby will hear your heart pounding so hard because you've never been so in love." Jade felt herself tearing up. "You think you love Beck and death and destruction more than anything else in the world; that will all change when you hold the living, breathing piece of you and Beck in your arms close to your heart."

Jade wiped away tears as Beck put his arms around her shoulders. "That was actually pretty nice, what you said." Robbie shrugged. "But if you ever make me cry again, pregnant or not, I will castrate you." Jade started heading toward the door. "If there's anything to castrate down there to begin with." She went outside.

Beck smiled at Robbie. "Even I'll admit that what you said was near perfect."

"My uncle basically said this to my cousin's girlfriend, I remember it because I was there and it impacted me for some reason to. See, my cousin's ex-girlfriend had just found out that she was pregnant and she was going to get an abortion. She told my cousin, who told my widowed uncle, and my uncle convinced her not to go through with it, and that she really loved my cousin."

"Are your cousin and his girlfriend still together?"

"I dunno, that was the last time I saw my uncle and cousin."

"Still, that was really sweet what you said." Beck waved goodbye to Robbie as he left.

Once again, Robbie was alone. What to do now? He was single, he was unemployed, his friends were gone, and it wasn't even 8:00 at night. But for some reason he found himself reaching for his phone to call the number that tried to call him before. "Hi…yeah, I figured out who you were…don't hang up! I was wondering if you want to do something with me? No, I will not do that. Why don't you come over to my house, you know where it is…Kay, see you in a little while."

…

Robbie answered the door to find Sinjin standing on the other side. Sinjin waved. "Hi."

"Hi," Robbie replied back. "I ordered some pizza, no pepperoni. I remember you telling me, well telling Charlotte that were you allergic to pepperoni."

"You actually remembered something about me?"

"Yeah."

"Like a friend?" Robbie nodded. "You want to be my friend?" Robbie nodded again. "And not because of you feel you owe me for the Charlotte thing or because you want to get close to my cousin?"

"Yee-ah," Robbie rubbed the back of his neck, "those reasons were slight factors in me wanting to be your friend. But, I met you, I hung out with you, and I realized that I tolerate you better than any girl ever will."

"That's true; I don't really have any friends male or female."

"And I did want to make up for you falling in love with the female me, and know for sure that you're not in love with the male me."

"I only like girls, sorry."

"I'm not gay."

"Didn't Cat say something about you being gay? Is that why she's upset with you?"

"The gay thing was a misunderstanding." Robbie gestured for Sinjin to come into the kitchen and eat some pizza.

Sinjin sat across from Robbie at the kitchen table in silence. Sinjin decided to break the silence by saying, "You really broke her heart you know."

Robbie nodded in understanding. "I thought-"

"-that she'd understand? That because she had such an instant connection with you as a man and a woman that she'd forgive you. Cat loved you as a man and woman you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"You're a good explainer."

"Um…that's slightly off topic."

"No, when you explain things to people, and that story you made up when you revealed yourself, you're good at coming up with explanations."

"Oh, thanks I guess. When you see Cat, tell her she's a good puncher."

"I know that."

"She's punched you before?"

"Are you referring to the liquid punch?"

"No."

"Oh, then no; but I'll make sure to tell her before she leaves."

"Thanks," Robbie paused as he was about to eat his pizza. "Wait, before she leaves?"

"Yeah." Sinjin didn't say anything after that.

"Leaves where?"

"Oh you want to know where?"

"Yes, Sinjin."

"She's going to move in with our Uncle Jesse at his farm and help take care of her brother Charlie."

"Why?"

"I asked her the same thing," Sinjin ate his pizza.

"And..."

"And what?" was presumably what Sinjin replied back with food in his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

Sinjin spat out his pizza, wrapped it in a napkin, and looked at Robbie. "And what?"

"What did she say to you when you asked her?"

"She wants to get away from you, and everything that reminds her of you."

"What?"

"She's asking that they kill Emily off. They're going to film a questionable death scene in case the show isn't cancelled that will air next week."

"Questionable death scene?"

"Where a character dies, but if the actor decides to return, they need to have a legitimate reason why the character survived their death. They're going to have Emily be in a plane crash near the Rockies and they'll pronounce her dead."

"So she won't be doing the show anymore?"

"Nope."

"What about you, can you afford to live in that apartment by yourself?"

"I'm gonna move in with my parents and help take care of my mother."

"That's nice I guess."

"Yeah, my mom's cool. I mean, she's insane and all, but she's my mom and she's cool. Plus they live here in L.A. so I can still work at Schneider Studios. Maybe, we can hang out too?"

"Sure, Sinjin."

"That's it?"

"What's it?"

"You're not gonna go and talk Cat out of moving to the farm?"

"I want to."

"So, why not?"

"If that's what she wants to do, I'm not going to stop her. If it makes her happy then-"

"What about your happiness?"

"In the end, I'm always the one sacrificing my happiness; this is something I'm used to."

"Wow, you are a good explainer. But you know you don't want to do that."

"I have to respect her and what she wants, and if she doesn't want me…I'll get over her somehow."

"Once you meet someone like Cat, you can never forget her. But it could be worse."

"How?"

"Once you fall in love with someone like Cat-"

"-you can never fall out of love with them."

"I was going to say you forget about everything else but the person you fell in love with. Yours works too." Sinjin bit into his pizza, spat it out, and wrapped it in the same napkin as the other chewed pizza.

"Okay, what's up with that?"

"I have a collection of chewed food. I didn't think that was appropriate to tell you on a first date."

"And yet you tell me about all your medical history."

"Yeah, because you should be aware of what could happen."

"You're weird."

"Thank you. Oh, I was wondering if I could stay the night; Cat really wants to be alone, and she ask that I stay somewhere else tonight. I told her no promises, but-"

"Yeah, you can sleep in my friend's room, it's right across from the nursery."

"You keep babies in here?"

"A nursery is another name for a baby's room."

"Oh…that makes sense now."

"Just try not to touch any of their stuff."

"Why do people always warn me about that?"

"Please."

"Fine." Sinjin went off to find the room. "Don't throw away my new collection pieces please."

Robbie sat at the table alone, just staring at his pizza. He hated to admit it, but he was sort of happy to have Sinjin with him right now. He stared at the phone on the kitchen wall debating on whether or not to call Cat using his home phone number (which she didn't know). As much as he wanted to respect her and her wishes, he really wanted to talk to her.

"Hey Robbie," Sinjin came back into the kitchen carrying a framed picture of Jade, "who's this?"

"That's my roommate Jade."

"She's hot."

"She's…well technically she's not married or engaged, but she's been with the same guy since high school so she's taken."

"I can wait."

"They're going to have a baby."

"I'd make a good step-parent."

"She's not going to leave Beck. Please don't stalk my roommate."

"No promises."

"Sinjin!"

"Fine," Sinjin sulked back to the room.

"And put Beck's picture back on his nightstand!" Robbie heard Sinjin moan. For some reason, this made Robbie smile.

"Robbie!"

"What now Sinjin?"

"Do they have a water bed?"

"No, why?"

"Their bed's wet."

"Great," Robbie sarcastically said. "Sleep on the couch."

"Can I sleep with the picture?"

"No, Sinjin!"

"You can sleep with Cat's picture."

"I don't have a picture of…" Robbie paused as he remembered something. He ran into his room and began to look around for the picture of Cat he took from Trina's.

"Yeah you do," Sinjin held up the picture of Cat.

"Where did you find this?"

"In your wallet."

"Where did you find my wallet?"

"On the floor."

Robbie felt his pockets. "Great, there's a hole in my pocket."

"I can fix it." Robbie gave him a strange look. "My grandma taught me and Cat how to sew when we were younger."

"You can sew?"

"Yeah, a lot better than I can cook. I'll sew it up for you tomorrow morning if you'd like."

"Thanks Sinjin."

"Since you're sleeping with the picture of Cat, can I-"

"You can't sleep with the picture of Jade."

"Aw man," Sinjin sulked off to the living room.

"And I'm not sleeping with the picture of Cat!" Robbie set the picture of Cat on the small table beside his bed. He looked at his alarm clock. "It's only 9:45!" He got up to go to the living room. "Sinjin, it's-" Sinjin was sleeping on the couch with the framed picture of Jade on his chest. "There are things not right with you, Buddy," he tried to take the picture from Sinjin, but the sleeping Sinjin kept pulling it back toward him. "Fine, but just for tonight." Robbie went back to his room and crawled into bed to get some sleep before starting a new day of unemployment tomorrow.

…

Robbie's phone went off around six in the morning (times like this, he wished he set the phone on vibrate). "Hello?"

"I'm a daddy!"

"Beck?"

"Yeah, who else would be calling you with news like this?"

"I dunno, Andre, my own father. Beck, I just woke up don't ask me questions."

"Well, anyway Jade wants to see you."

"Why?"

"The drugs probably haven't worn off yet. I don't know, I'm too happy don't ask me questions."

"Why would I want to come visit you in the hospital when you'll be back with the kid the next day and I'll see the kid then?"

"Because Jade's calling Cat." There was silence. "Robbie?"

"I'll be right there," Robbie quickly changed his clothes, grabbed his wallet, left a note for a sleeping Sinjin, took Sinjin's keys, and drove off to the hospital.

Robbie headed in the direction of Jade's room when he heard a familiar, high-pitched voice. "She's really beautiful." He noticed Cat fawning over the baby in Jade's arms and decided to wait outside.

"She is, isn't she?" Jade asked back.

"What's her name?"

"We still haven't come up with one yet," Beck answered.

"Give her a pretty name because she's pretty."

"Will do."

"Hey Cat," Jade began, "we were wondering if you'd like to be the godmother?"

Cat squealed with delight. "Yay, I'd love to!" Cat's face fell, "but I'm moving."

"You are?" Beck didn't hear this.

"I'm going to live on my uncle's farm a few cities away. So, you gotta send me lots of pictures and I'll godmother from the farm."

"You got it!"

"Robbie!" A voice behind Robbie startled him.

"Andre! You scared the crap out of me, man!"

"Why are you waiting out here?"

"Don't ask me questions, I just woke up."

Beck stepped outside. "Hey, guys. Come on, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

When Robbie stepped into the room, he and Cat exchanged glances. Cat felt herself about to tear up. "I guess I'd better get going, I've got scenes to shoot for new episodes next week."

"Cat," was all Robbie managed to say.

"Hopefully we'll see you around," Andre told her.

"Maybe." Cat bent down to give Jade a hug. "Send me pictures okay." Jade nodded. Cat looked at the baby. "Bye, baby." She gave the baby a kiss on her head before going over to Beck. "Congratulations, you guys," she gave Beck a hug. After that she went over to Andre, who was standing across from Robbie. "Nice to see you again Andre."

"You too, Little Red."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you're short and you have red hair."

"Oh," Cat gave him a hug. "Bye." She left without even looking at Robbie.

Andre moved closer to Jade and the baby as a broken-hearted Robbie watched Cat leave. "Damn, that's a cute baby. Her name's not like Beatrice or anything is it?"

"She doesn't have a name yet," Beck explained, "keep in mind she's less than two hours old."

"Can I suggest Andrea? It's like Andre, but with an 'A' at the end."

"What the hell kind of a name is Andrea?" Jade's attitude had returned.

"Don't rain on my parade woman, it's only a suggestion."

"It's not as bad as Beck's suggestion."

"What's wrong with the name Violet?" Beck questioned.

"She's a baby, not a color. Is the child violet to begin with? Violet is a stupid name. Lucy is a good name."

"No it's not."

"Lucy is the name of Satan's daughter."

"This doesn't surprise me. I'm sure if it had been a boy you would have suggested Damien."

"Yes, obviously."

"What do you suggest, Robbie?" Andre asked. Robbie must not have heard, he was standing at the door staring off. "Robbie!"

"Huh?" Robbie turned the others.

"Do you have a name suggestion?"

"Does it matter?" Robbie left the room.

"Actually, yes it does."

As Robbie was fast-walking away, he bumped into Tori. "Hi, Robbie," she greeted. "Did you see the baby?"

"Yeah, it's cute."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Don't ask me questions please." He began walking away.

"Cat's at the nursery."

Robbie stopped. "What?"

"She's standing at the nursery looking at the babies; she seemed upset."

Robbie went over to Tori and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you!" She wiped her cheek as he ran off. He quickly stopped mid-run when he saw Cat. "Cat!" he ran to her. "Cat, why are you leaving?"

"Robbie, I need a life away from you. It's like no matter where I went, you were there. Even if you weren't physically there, you were always on my mind. Plus you dressed like a woman and became like my best friend. Why did you do that in the first place?"

"The woman thing was originally for a job, I never meant to make friends or fall in love with you."

"Well you did." The two didn't say anything. "I miss her, I really miss Charlotte."

"She's right here, and she really misses you too. Cat, I was a better man with you, as a woman than I ever was with a woman, as a man. Do you understand?" Cat shook her head no. "Me neither."

"You know what I loved about Charlotte?" Robbie shook his head. "She was like a mother or sister type to me. I could tell her everything and she wouldn't judge me, she'd understand. I thought after she kissed me, and I liked it, that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. I'd feel comfortable knowing that Charlotte would want me as me, the real me."

"I do want the real you, just as Robbie."

"No Robbie, you wouldn't. I'm not good enough for you anyway."

"Yes you are."

"Apparently not or you wouldn't have tried to make a move on me as a woman! Plus the whole thing with Trina!"

"That was a misunderstanding."

"You should go for her anyway. She could probably give you all the things I can't give you."

Robbie put his hands on her shoulders. "But I just want you."

"That's what they all say," Cat brushed past him and into the elevator. Robbie tried to run after her, but the elevator door closed as he got there.

Robbie repeatedly kicked the wall, and then held onto his injured foot.

…

"Hi Robbie," Sinjin waved as Robbie walked into the house. "I got some cereal."

"Good for you."

"So, does the baby look like Jade?"

"Are you like obsessed with her now?" Sinjin nodded. "Please find a new obsession."

"You look depressed."

"I tried to get Cat to talk to me."

"Did she?"

"She thinks I didn't want her as a man! Then she said she wouldn't want me anyway."

"She really does, but she's afraid you don't want her. I mean, people want a relationship with her character, not her."

"I don't."

"It gets complicated, when she realizes she likes the guy she tries to get rid of him."

"Why?"

"Because she thinks she's not good enough for them. I noticed she dumps the guys she gets serious with. She did like this guy named Danny and they were happy, but he wanted to marry her and start a family."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Cat can't have kids. She thought Danny wouldn't appreciate that either. He didn't; he knocked up his next girlfriend."

"Cat can't have any children?" Sinjin shook his head. "That's why she thinks no guy would want her?" Sinjin nodded. "But, that doesn't matter to me either! I just want Cat."

"Then go convince her, Man!"

"I don't know where to find her!"

"Use my phone," Sinjin tossed Robbie his phone, "it's got a GPS tracking for Cat's phone."

"Why?"

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS, GO GET HER!"

"Yeah, I will! And, uh, Sinjin…"

"What?"

"…please find a way to leave my house, do not take the picture of Jade."

"Aw man!"

…

As Robbie was en route to where Cat was when two unfortunate things happened had Sinjin been more attentive. First off, Sinjin neglected to put gas in his car, so Robbie stalled on the freeway. To make matters worse, Sinjin didn't charge his phone. Of course, had Robbie noticed these things before using them, this would not have happened.

Thankfully, Robbie had brought his cell phone and called for a taxi. Then he called Sinjin. "Why didn't you charge your phone or put gas in your car?"

"Cat reminds me to do those things," Sinjin explained.

"Okay, well I don't have enough money so I'm going to your and Cat's apartment where I'll wait for someone to pick me up."

"There's a key to the apartment on my car keychains."

"Thank you, Sinjin."

"It was Cat's idea."

"I'll see you later."

"Hey, can I drink this milk?"

"I think it expired."

"Can I still drink it?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Awesome!"

Robbie hung up the phone and sat in silence for the rest of the car ride. Once he made it to Cat and Sinjin's apartment, he was surprised to find the door was already unlocked. Robbie opened the door. "Hello?" He was pleasantly surprised when the person in the apartment stood across from him. "Cat?"

Without warning, Cat ran to him and leaped into his arms surprising him with a passionate kiss rivaling the one she gave him at the movies to make Steven jealous. "Hi, Robbie."

"Cat? What are you-"

"I realized that no matter how much I try, I can't fall out of love with you. Once you fall in love with someone like you, it's hard to fall out of love with someone like you." Cat kissed him again. "Oh, and I love you."

"I love you too," this time Robbie kissed her.

"Besides, we got a goddaughter now."

"Plus, ratings would go down more if you left the show. I know I wouldn't be watching."

Cat smiled at him. "I think I like you better as a man."

"I like me as a man too…but I love Cat Valentine for who she is."

"Me too!"

"Hey, that's my joke!" Cat giggled at him.

…

Robbie rode with Cat to the studios so he could pick up his final paycheck. "Hi, Sikowitz," Robbie greeted.

"Male Charlotte."

"Robbie, my name's Robbie Shapiro."

"Robbie Shapiro, I'm Erwin Sikowitz."

"I know."

"Are you psychic?"

"No, we've met before."

"Have we?" Sikowitz pondered this, but merely shrugged it off. "I assume you're here to pick up Charlotte's paycheck, Male Charlotte."

"Yeah."

"Well, you're not."

"Sorry?"

"I've been meaning to chat with you," Sikowitz led Robbie away. "Because of your stunt, our show has gotten so much buzz, and the live footage is one of the most watched programs in soap opera history rivaling the wedding of Luke and Laura, whoever those two are."

"I didn't-"

"And we've gotten a request from Lisa Daniels to make Cameron Ashley a featured character."

"Really?"

"And of course, if you agree to write to that will surely increase your paycheck."

"Yeah, totally!"

"Now we had Emily Lange's death planned for this afternoon, but it seems as though Cat is staying. Could you help rewrite this scenario?"

"Um…well let's say her plane does crash-"

"GOOD GANDHI!"

"-but it's a plane owned by Cameron Ashley, and he gets word of the crash before anyone else, including the FAA, and he finds Emily supposedly dead, but she wakes up in his arms in the beginning of another episode confirming she's alive."

"This could work." Sikowitz smiled, "and perhaps a romance between Mr. Cameron and Miss Emily would be in the cards."

Robbie nodded his head. "That could work." Sikowitz was about to leave when Robbie stopped him, "wait a minute," Sikowitz turned to look at him, "could I write an additional character; a new girl who Johnny Brewster seriously considers marrying. You just have to promise to cast her, 'cause I'm writing the role for a specific actress."

"Fair enough." Sikowitz walked away.

Tori arrived at the studio. "Hi, Robbie. So, you fired?"

"They're making Cameron an official character and making me a writer."

"Wow, that's awesome; and fortunate."

"And…I got your sister a role."

"You did."

"It's the least I could do."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that. So, I noticed Cat's car in the parking lot."

"She's back."

"For good?"

Robbie glanced to his side at Cat. In turn, Cat smiled at him and blew him a kiss. "Yeah, something tells me she'll be here for good."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope this is satisfactory. Fret not, there's one epilogue chapter left.<strong>

**Hey, I've got some ideas for baby names but if you guys have some feel free to suggest any. If I like 'em, I'll try and use 'em. If I don't think they'll work, it's not your fault, I'm just picky. But it never hurts to try.**

**So…how was this?**


	15. Epilogue

**Okay, I considered waiting a while before putting this up to give people more time to read and maybe suggest names, but I've agreed to help collaborate on a friend's fanfic (I have no idea when that will be up) and I've got at least two songfics I gotta put up for the challenge I'm doing (minilikescoffee couples songfic challenge btw). Also, I found some strange labeled word document in my documents and it's like an outline for some new fanfiction. It says it was last updated at 2:26 am on Sunday so I guess I must've created/saved it in a zombie like state.**

**Oh, **_**RubberDucky911**_**my sister suggested another name I didn't like, but her explaining that was a good choice worked BUT I'm gonna use one of the names you suggested for Trina's soap opera character so don't feel left out 'cause I forgot I needed a name for Trina's character.**

**This will just be a happy little ender, think of it like an extended where they are now where all the characters (even Lane and Festus) are back. I'm pretty sure this will be decent in length.**

**So…all good things (or decent things) must come to an end, Thanks for stickin' w/ me; here's the epilogue.**

* * *

><p><span>Schneider Studios- One Year Later<span>

"Hello buddies," Festus greeted Christine and Gwen as they made their way to the catered kitchen near the set. "Our special is spaghetti, ravioli-"

"Ravioli? Gwen smiled.

"LET ME FINISH!" The girls backed away in fear. "I finish."

"I'm just gonna get a bag of chips," Christine grabbed a bag of chips and hurried out of there.

"Can I get my usual Panini?" Gwen requested.

Festus handed Gwen her usual lunch. "Thank you, come again!" Rex made his way to the counter to order. "Rex, how is you buddy?"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Dude."

"I watch _Love Triangle _last night with cast and crew."

"I don't wanna talk about it, Dude."

"You lose to nerd." Rex groaned and left. "You no want buffalo nuggets?"

"I want buffalo nuggets," Sinjin took some buffalo nuggets before returning backstage.

"Ha, he take his woman and his buffalo nuggets," Festus started cleaning his area and whistling a song.

Meanwhile, Lane stood off set watching a bunch of dancers dance on the stage. "WAIT, STOP!" He huffed his way to the center. "You people are off! Your kick-ball-changes are off and some of you don't know your left from right!"

One dancer raised his hand. "I have dyslexia so I get my left and right confused."

"Shut up!" The dancer quickly looked at the ground upset.

Sikowitz leaned to the assistant, "Why is that man here?"

"For Nadia's fantasy dream dance sequence."

"Nadia?"

"Trina Vega's character Nadia Shepard."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"You know, you have been an assistant for three years and I still don't know your name."

"You say 'hi Cassie' to me every day."

"Who's Cassie?"

"I'M CASSIE!"

"I don't follow you." Cassie hit him with her clipboard and sulked off. "Cassie, Cassie...the name rings a bell."

"She's the assistant who sleeps with our third cameraman Bryce," Sikowitz's assistant (who had been sitting beside him this whole time) informed.

"Good Gandhi where did you come from?"

Lane demonstrated the dancing again before his phone went off. He went over his text message. "Alright people, if you have any questions Beck is our lead dancer he'll inform you what to do. Whatever he says, goes" Lane went off.

Beck turned to face the other dancers. "Who wants to take a break?" The dancers scattered off as Beck went over to Jade and their daughter. "Hey," he kissed his girlfriend.

"So, you really can dance," Jade glared at him, "and you didn't tell me?"

"Yes, I did; I told you I could dance, but I don't like to dance. Since we moved out of Robbie's place we need money to live in our house, and I dance for money."

"If your show didn't suck we'd have money." Jade handed Beck their daughter. "Take the kid, I'm gonna go eat."

"Hi, Princess," Beck kissed his daughter. "You knew Daddy could dance right?" She nodded as if she understood. "Good girl."

"Hello scary lady!" Festus greeted Jade. "Usual pizza?"

"Nah, just some buffalo nuggets," Jade requested.

Sinjin appeared behind Jade. "Hi, Jade."

"Hello, Sinjin."

"I wanted to return this picture I stole from you."

Jade looked at the picture. "You crudely pasted your head over Beck's." Sinjin nodded. "You have a girlfriend now, stop obsessing over me."

"I can juggle two ladies."

"Do you want me to knee you in the groin again?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Not worth it," Jade took her food and left.

"Please," Sinjin obsessively followed her.

Tori gave Sinjin a strange look as she went up to Festus. "Welcome back Tori Vega!" Festus greeted. "How was time off?"

"Well, Andre and I ended our relationship."

"How sad, have free brownie."

"Thank you. It's an amicable split; we're being civil, and we're going to share custody of Dante."

"Tori Vega, I didn't know you had child."

"No, Dante is our dog. Andre and I are going to share custody of our dog, Dante."

"Is good too; is dog cute?" Tori pulled out her phone and showed Festus a picture. "Cute puppy."

"Thanks," Tori took her brownie and left.

"TORI!" the clacking of giant heels made it obvious that Trina was running to Tori. "Tori, did you hear the buzz about my appearance on _Love Triangle_?"

"Trina, I was in the audience when they filmed it; you chose Sinjin because he was honest about everything and chose to worship you."

"Like the people who leave that show remain faithful to the ones they choose. Well, because of me they're considering a celebrity _Love Triangle_."

"And they want you to host?"

"No, I'm too good for the game show network; I'm on an _Emmy_ winning daytime soap opera."

"You don't have an _Emmy_!"

"Yet."

"Trina-"

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to practice my make out scene with my on screen boyfriend, who also happens to be my real life ex-boyfriend."

"Girl's never gonna win an _Emmy_," Tori made her way to the set.

"Tori!" Sikowitz stopped her, "I would like to congratulate you on your wedding in Vegas."

"Andre and I broke up."

"Who's getting custody of your son Erwin?"

"We don't have a son Erwin."

"You don't?" Tori shook her head no. "Didn't you recently get married in Vegas?"

"No, but Andre and I did see Cassie and Bryce at some create-your-own wedding chapel. They dressed up like _Star Trek_ people. Plus Cassie tweeted about her wedding."

"You know I don't use the interweb."

Tori walked away from this conversation and over to Beck and his daughter. "Oh, hey Beck!" Tori bent down to the one-year old's level. "Hi, Sammy." She and Samantha shook hands. "Oh you look so pretty in pink."

"Jade doesn't think so," Beck commented.

"Hey I know she's had her name for a year, but I've been meaning to ask you why you named her Samantha."

"Jade wanted to name her after a witch. I said only if you name her after the witch from _Bewitched_. She then assumed I found Elizabeth Montgomery attractive and got mad at me."

"Elizabeth Montgomery is a good actress though. This does explain why Sam's full name is Samantha Elizabeth Oliver."

"I never thought of that; we just thought Elizabeth made a decent middle name." Beck noticed Samantha point behind Tori and make noise. "Looks like Andre and Dante are here."

Andre entered the studio with a golden retriever puppy on a leash. Tori ran over to her puppy. "Hello, sweetie." The dog licked its mistress. "I missed you, yes I did." She stood up and took the leash from Andre. "Andre."

"Tori," he acknowledged her. "Thanks again for letting me stay with you while my place is getting…all cleaned of bugs."

"Well, we were briefly engaged, and we share a dog."

"Yeah. So…I'm gonna send in those songs we recorded."

"Cool." Tori and Andre were silent for a few minutes "Um…see you later?"

"Yeah, cool." Andre left.

"Don't say much to each other do you?" Jade startled Tori.

"Where did you come from?"

"When a man and woman love each other very much-"

"WHOA!"

"I thought you would know that seeing as you've had yourself a pregnancy scare a few months ago."

"What did I ever do to you to make you hate me?"

"I don't know, I just don't like you. I hate your sister too."

"A lot of people do." Tori looked at her wristwatch. "I'm gonna go get ready for the wedding scene." Tori went to the dressing room bathroom and knocked on the door. "Trina, five minutes until you gotta be on set for your fantasy sequence."

"Hey, Tori," Rex's voice answered back, "you wanna join in for the next four minutes? Maybe you wanna join me afterwards?" Trina slapped Rex.

Tori made a disgusted face. "No!" She left the dressing room and bumped into someone carrying a huge pile of scripts. "Sorry!"

"It's cool," Robbie helped her pick up scripts, "they're all stapled. Take the one with your name on it."

"Uh…" Tori searched for her personalized script. "Got it! So what's in store for the next episode?"

"You're gonna have to read it to find out?"

"I'm asking on Trina's behalf. She thinks it would make a great episode if Nadia and Johnny spontaneously got married."

"Well when she starts writing the episodes, she can make the call. I know this sounds mean, but she should be grateful I'm the one keeping her on."

"She has frightened the other writers enough so they quit."

"Except for Al, he had a psychotic breakdown."

Tori chuckled. "I know we shouldn't laugh at the man's pain, but that was hilarious."

"It's one of the most watched videos on SplashFace."

Tori realized she was holding two scripts. "Oops, here's…Cat's script." Robbie took it from her. "Where is Cat by the way?"

"You know what, I'm not exactly sure."

"You're her husband, aren't you supposed to keep track of that stuff?" Robbie shrugged. "Some husband you are."

"Ha, ha. Look, I promised Sikowitz someone will have a near death vision with Charlotte appearing to them and I was wondering if you saw my wig."

"Who's getting the near death vision?"

"Kimberly Davis as she drowns."

"Cool," Tori and Robbie started walking off in separate directions before Tori realized what Robbie said. "Wait, I'm gonna drown?"

Robbie turned around and smiled. "Not really, silly." He walked off whistling his favorite song. "Hi Cassie, hi Bryce," he waved to the couple making out on the other side of the wall. Robbie went to the center of the set and put scripts on the table. "SCRIPTS READY!" Robbie yelled to the cast and crew.

"Male Charlotte," Sikowitz stopped Robbie before Robbie headed to the dressing room.

"Sikowitz, my name is-"

"Perhaps you could inform me where the redhead mermaid is?"

"Are you putting the coconut milk in your food again?"

"Maybe. Have you seen the redhead?"

"Cat?"

"There's no cat here, but I did see a dog here earlier."

Robbie sighed. "Emily?"

"Yes, her! I can't seem to find Emily Lange."

"She's not here yet."

"She's needed for the scene directly following the fantasy sequence."

"Look, just be patient; we can't shoot that scene without her."

"Aren't you and the redhead brother and sister or something?"

"Husband and wife."

"Good Gandhi is that legal?"

"Sikowitz, please stop putting the milk in your food." Robbie walked away from Sikowitz and over to the Oliver family. "Hi guys," Robbie bent down to the little girl's level. "Hi Sammy." Robbie looked at Beck and Jade. "God, she's getting so big."

"Isn't she?" Beck asked back. "Who do you think she looks more like?"

"It's a toss-up." Robbie looked at Samantha. "Who do you think you look like?" Samantha pointed to Robbie for some reason this made Jade laugh. "Let's try something," Robbie took off his glasses and put them on Sam's face, where they subsequently slid off. So he tried it again and held onto the glasses. "If you get her little baby glasses and curl her hair she could look like all three of us."

"God forbid," Jade muttered. "Look, Beck and I want some alone time Friday, could you watch the kid?"

"Yeah, glad to."

"See," Beck began, "he's cool with it 'cause it's our kid. Had it been Luke," Robbie shuddered as he remembered babysitting Lane's nephew, "Robbie would have said no."

Cat entered the studio. "Hi Beck! Hi Jade! Hi…person," she didn't recognize Robbie without his glasses. Robbie took his glasses back and put them on his face. Cat squealed with delight and leaped into her husband's arms. "HI!" she gave him a kiss.

"Robbie, do you sleep with your glasses on or something?" Beck questioned.

"Yeah, why?" Robbie inquired as he set Cat down.

"You have problems," Jade commented. "Cat, you guys are watching Sam this Friday."

Cat clapped with delight. "Yay!"

Robbie noticed the bag in her hand. "What's in the bag?"

"My costume for today! I had to go to the back of the closet to find it; it was next to some of your old dresses."

Beck raised an eyebrow to him. "You kept some of your dresses?" Robbie's face turned as red as Cat's hair.

"This is just too embarrassing for words," Jade smiled.

"I like some of his dresses," Cat defended.

"Thanks, Kitty Cat," Robbie kissed her cheek.

"I'm gonna go change." She ran off to the dressing room.

"Hey, you got that same scene too," Beck reminded Robbie. "You should get changed too."

"I should, shouldn't I?" Robbie went off to the male dressing room.

"Beck," Lane came over looking pissed, "what is going on?" Jade snickered as Beck realized he was in trouble.

"Um…my kid was crying, and I told the guys to take a break so I could see what was wrong. I guess we're supposed to be filming now?"

"Kind of, yeah!" Lane stormed off.

"Okay," Beck handed Samantha back to Jade, "see you later," he kissed his girlfriend and daughter before heading back to the set. "You and Sammy should change too."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Jade waited until he was out of sight before heading to the dressing room with Samantha.

…

"CUT!" Sikowitz cued to conclude Nadia Shepard's (Trina's) fantasy sequence. "Good job, dancers; now we move on to the wedding scene!"

"How was I?" Trina inquired back.

"I've seen worse! Now please quick change for the wedding scene!" Trina ran off to the dressing room. Sikowitz stepped down from the booth dressed like a priest.

"Sikowitz," Cassie stopped him, "are you sure you can play this serious part?"

"No; but by using me for this one-time role, we save money. Besides, millions of people have been waiting for this wedding, and I would like to be a part of it. I can play this part or my name isn't Erwin Spartacus!"

"Sikowitz."

"It matters." Sikowitz took his place on the set as other cast members followed suite. "Alright people," Sikowitz addressed the cast, "Cassie will be calling the shots from the booth as assistant director, what she says, goes."

Cassie turned on the microphone nearly two minutes later. "Are we ready down there?" She waited for the 'readys' from the cameramen and various crew members. "And…ACTION!"

Andre (acting as a piano player) started playing the wedding music as people began walking down the aisle. Among the people walking down the aisle was Samantha as a flower girl being held by Jade, Lane's older nephew Devon was the ring bearer, Gwen and Christine were bridesmaids walking beside two other male cast members posing as groomsmen, and Tori (as Kimberly, of course) walked solo as the maid of honor as Robbie entered from the side with Rex behind him (as Cameron and Johnny respectively) and stood at the altar in front of Sikowitz as the music changed to '_Here Comes the Bride'_. Standing at the end of the aisle was Cat wearing the same wedding dress she wore nearly four months ago with a wide smile on her face. She glanced at Robbie, who in turn smiled back.

Once Cat made it to the altar, Sikowitz cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the union of Emily Lange and Cameron Ashley. If anyone here objects to the union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." No one spoke. "Excellent. I was told that Cameron has written has written vows for Emily."

Cat pretended to look surprised as Robbie began to speak. "I know we told each other we didn't want to write our own vows, but I just had to tell you how much you mean to me. Emily," he took her hands, "you're the reason I wake up every morning and get through the day because I know that the night belongs to us. I could use similes and metaphors to say what you are to me, but even I don't think those are enough to express what you truly mean to me. I just wanted to say that you're the reason I breathe, and that you complete me."

Cat was tearing up as she whispered, "Ditto."

Sikowitz looked at Robbie. "Do you, Cameron Benjamin Ashley take Emily Jean Lange to be your lawful wedded wife? To love, honor, and cherish for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do you part."

"I do," Robbie answered.

"And do you," Sikowitz turned to Cat, "Emily Jean Lange, take Cameron Benjamin Ashley to be your lawful wedded husband? To love, honor, and cherish for richer for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do you part."

"I do," Cat replied.

"If you would place the ring on each other's fingers to symbolize the eternal bonds of holy matrimony," Robbie took the rings from Rex (who was acting as the Best Man), handed one to Cat, and he put her wedding ring back on her finger as she did the same with his immediately after. "By the power vested in me I now pronounce that these two are man and wife," he looked at Robbie. "You may now kiss the bride."

Robbie lifted up Cat's veil and did as his character was instructed as awws and applause encompassed the set (from cast and crew). The two of them turned to face the cast and with their hands locked, they raised their linked hands up in the air as the cast (and crew) cheered.

"CUT!" Cassie yelled. The cast began to scatter.

"Nice job Sikowitz," Rex commented.

"On what?" Sikowitz didn't understand.

"Your acting."

"I was acting?"

Tori went over to Cat and Robbie. "I don't know about you, but that was awesome."

Robbie shrugged. "It wasn't as good as our real wedding."

"A beach wedding in Cancun at sunset is pretty romantic," Tori agreed. "Anyway, I think our fans will like this, they deserve to see some type of wedding between you two."

"What about a wedding between you and Andre?" Cat asked.

"Not gonna happen; Andre and I broke up."

"Phooey."

"So, again nice job guys." Tori went off to the dressing room to prepare for another scene.

"So," Robbie looked at Cat, "we only got a couple more scenes to shoot today; what do you want to do later?"

Cat shrugged. "We could lay in bed and watch Woody Allen movies again."

"Yeah, but one does get tired of Woody Allen."

"I don't, he reminds me of you. Dorky, glasses, writer-actor, kinda neurotic-"

"Hey!"

"-but funny. And I never get tired of you do I?"

"I get tired of me."

She playfully hit him. "I just feel like watching _Hannah and her Sisters_. I like to think of us as characters in the movie."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. Like…Jade's Hannah, Tori's Lee, I'm Holly, Beck is Elliot, and you're Mickey."

"Yeah, 'cause Holly and Mickey end up together in the end."

"Holly's a redheaded actress, Mickey's a dorky writer, and in the end they both get together and Holly tells Mickey she's pregnant even though earlier they said Mickey couldn't get a woman pregnant."

"Yeah, that was a nice way to end the movie." Cat raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Really? You don't get it?"

"It was just a way to end the movie. If you can see us as characters from that movie write a fanfiction or something."

"Robbie, I'm pregnant!"

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You're kidding?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing bad, but…but you can't get pregnant."

"The doctor said I should consider this a miracle and take the win. So if you don't mind, I'm considering this a miracle and taking the win. Robbie, we're going to have a baby!"

"We're going to have a baby?" She smiled and nodded. He pointed to him, then her, and repeated this maneuver. "_We're_ going to have a baby?"

"Why do you keep asking if you know the answer's yes, silly?" Robbie felt his knees about to give way. "You okay?"

He composed himself. "I'm more than okay I'm…I'm…I just can't put it into words how I feel right now. We're having a baby!" He gave his wife a kiss.

"Hate to interrupt this moment," Tori interrupted the kiss, "but..."

"...Robbie, you're needed on set," Jade held up the wig as Tori held up a dress. Robbie then looked at Cat as if asking for permission to take the dress and wig.

Cat giggled. "Go ahead, just this last time."

"Oh come on dressing like a woman's not all that bad," Robbie assured, "if it wasn't for Charlotte none of this would've happened. Remind me to thank her next time I see her." He kissed his wife and headed off to the dressing room for one last hurrah as Charlotte Roberts.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I felt I owed you guys a wedding, but since I'm not good at weddings, I kinda faked my way through that.<strong>

**I also want to apologize if I spoiled the movie **_**Hannah and her Sisters**_**. And yes, _Love Triangle_ is a real show on the Game Show Network hosted by Wendy Williams.**

**So what to expect next from me if you're interested: I got two songfics I got to do (check out my Bade one if you haven't already), I'm in talks for a collaboration, so we'll see if that happens, and I just might put up that sleep-deprived idea (MIGHT). Sorry, since there's no sequel to **_**Tootsie**_**, there's no sequel to this. So take this epilogue for the win.**

**That's all from me. PEACE OUT!**


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